


The Souls of the Forgotten

by lonely_beez



Series: Where We Belong [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Biting, Cats have ears, Crows have wings, Eventual Smut, Eventual kind of happy ending, Eye Trauma, F/F, Heavy Angst, Lots of kissing, M/M, Mating, Mating Bond, Minimal fluff, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Mostly Sadness, Multi, No Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Owls have wings, Partial Blindness, Physical Disability, Polyamory, Polyamory kinda, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sadness, Schizophrenia, Scratching, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Threats of Violence, Torture, Ushijima is a jerk per usual, and tails, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6370186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonely_beez/pseuds/lonely_beez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe in which Karasuno, Nekoma and Fukurodani are all part animal. The crows and owls have wings, cats have cat ears and tails, etc etc. All the half animals have been kicked out of the central city where it is safe and are now living in the woods or abandoned districts. Karasuno, Nekoma and Fukurodani are all having issues both mentally and physically, while constantly living in petrifying fear of the hunters and Ushijima.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Is It All Just Smoke and Mirrors?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written by two people so the writing style may change a bit from chapter to chapter. 
> 
> WARNING: BOTH OF THE AUTHORS OCCASIONALLY GET HORRIBLE WRITER'S BLOCK AND WILL GO MONTHS WITHOUT WRITING AND UPDATING!! THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE'RE GOING TO STOP WRITING THE FIC/THE FIC IS DEAD AND/OR THAT THE AUTHORS THEMSELVES ARE DEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata comes to Karasuno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is written by two people (I am GB). So apologies if the writing style changes a little bit from chapter to chapter. This is my first time writing for my volleyball nerds so I hope I do them justice.
> 
> -GB

Hinata had never been hungrier in his life. It physically hurt. His vision was fuzzy around the edges and the constant shaking was unbearable. It took every ounce of effort just for him to stand. His wings felt like dead weight on his body. He hadn’t eaten anything in almost a week. He had stopped trying to hunt after about three days with little water and no food. He was so thirsty and so hungry. He had woken up that morning on the outskirts of the forest, he was sure that he had smelled food cooking. He couldn’t believe it. _I must be hallucinating, but even if I am, there is nothing else for me to do._ He had been sleeping constantly, too hungry and too tired to move.

The smell was so tempting. He had pulled himself off the ground and wandered to the smell. He couldn’t see any more so he was just following the smell. It kept getting stronger, and stronger and stronger. He could have sworn it was real.

“Hey you! Dumbass with the red hair! What are you doing in here?” A voice yelled at Hinata and at that exact moment he collapsed. The last thing he heard before he fell over and passed out was a different voice saying, “Kageyama catch him!” And then Hinata was gone.

               

__________________________________________

 

                _Is this what death feels like? I never thought that starvation and dehydration would be the way I went. I thought death would be more comfortable than this._ It was rather cold and wet; like he was sitting in a bath or someone was pouring water on him. He slowly opened his eyes, which were dry and stuck shut from lack of water.

“Ah Kiyoko! He’s awake.” A girl squeaked.

“Give him water Hitoka-chan” said a calm voice from further away.

“Please you need to drink this.” The squeaky one said to him. “If you don’t I don’t know if we can help you.” Hinata reached for the water being held in front of his face but he didn’t have the energy to lift his arm and he thought he would pass out again from the exertion. So instead, he just nodded his head.

“Here, go slowly or you will be sick and it will all be for nothing.” He tried to listen to her instruction but he was so thirsty. He wanted to gulp the water down but the girl took it away from him before he could do that. He whined for more.

“I’ll give you more later. I don’t want you to throw up right now.” The girl said sternly.

“Hitoka-chan, take him out of the ice water now.”

“Ah! Yes, Kiyoko-san.” And with that Hinata was taken out of the water and wrapped in a large towel. A towel big enough to cover his wings and his body. Then he passed out again.

 

_____________________________________

 

                When he awoke again he was on a cot. His wings were tucked into his back. He could hear people talking about him.

“Will he be okay Kiyoko?”

“I believe so.” A woman’s voice remarked.

“I haven’t seen someone like us as young and small as him since Yamaguchi and Yachi were little.” 

“His wings are in terrible condition.”

“He is so skinny it looks painful.”

“I know he’ll make it he’s a fighter!” Hinata recognized the voice of the girl who took care of him earlier.

“What was wrong with him Kiyoko?”

“He was starving and dehydrated.”

“I’m glad we found him. There aren’t many of us left anymore. It would have been a shame to lose one of our own.”

Hinata’s eyes fluttered open and he saw that he was surrounded by two men and an extremely pretty woman with black hair and a small girl with blonde hair that was bouncing on her toes. They were too engrossed in their own conversation to notice he was awake. The room was simple, there were tools and herbs and pastes on shelves and a few cots, what seemed to be a bath and a big wooden table that must be used as an operating table. Hinata himself was dressed in an open backed long sleeved shirt that laced in the back between his wings. He felt terrible, but not as bad as before. That little bit of water had really helped.

His throat still felt so horribly dry though. He finally opened his mouth to try to say something but instead he just started coughing. Of course everyone stopped everything and turned and looked at him. The coughing was violent and painful. Every breath burned his throat which was still terribly dry.

“Hitoka, water please?” The pretty one asked. Bouncy blonde girl ran to grab the water and bolted back over. The pretty girl rubbed Hinata’s back while he coughed and when he finally stopped handed him the water to drink. He chugged the water. When Hinata looked back up at everyone there was another person there. A taller one with black hair and a steely grimace. He also noticed for the first time that everyone in the room had wings. Big black wings just like him. He felt like an idiot for not noticing it before. He blamed it on the fact that he was still a little out of it.

                But they all had wings. He had thought he was the only one. The only crow. He had heard of the half cat people and that had been where he was headed before he started running out of food. He had never dreamed he would find other crows, like himself. If he had had the energy his wings would have quivered in excitement but instead the feathers just fluffed out a little bit. Not at all what he had wanted to do since that was usually a sign of aggression. Everyone stepped away from him. Eventually he was able to put his feathers back down and the shorter guy with black hair and blue tips on his wings spoke, “What is your name? How did you get here? What are you doing here? Where did you come from?”

“Daichi, you are going to freak him out.” He one with grey hair said.

“My name is Hinata. I smelled your food, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cause you a problem and I apologize for my feathers earlier I am tired and my reactions are off. I never meant to be aggressive.” Hinata tried to shout but his voice was croaky and it hurt to talk.

“I’m Sugawara,” The one with grey hair said. “This is Daichi,” He said pointing to the one with short black hair and blue tipped wings. “The person behind me is Kageyama and this is our healer Kiyoko and her apprentice, Yachi.” He said pointing to the girls.

“Suga we have some things to discuss may I talk to you outside? You too Kiyoko.” Daichi said. They left and Kageyama left shortly after them. Yachi came and sat down at the end of Hinata’s cot. Her wings were rather small and very, very black and fluffy. It was like they had too much down on them and they weren’t finished growing yet.

“I like your name.” She said. “My name is Yachi Hitoka. It’s nice to meet you. I was worried you were going to die for a while there. You shouldn’t let yourself get so sick.” Hinata nodded lost on thought. _Are they going to kick me out? I don’t want to go back to being alone. I found more crows. Will they kick me out because I displayed aggression earlier?_ The waiting was painful. Finally, Suga came back in alone. Yachi stood up and moved away so he could talk.

“Well Hinata, we were just trying to figure out where you could stay until you start to feel better. Obviously you should stay here at Karasuno with the murder until you feel better. If you would like to stay after that you may.”

“I would love to stay here with the murder!” Hinata interrupted loudly, his vocal chords aching with the strain. “I mean if that is okay with everyone.” He added onto the end.

“Of course it’s okay, we would never abandon one of our own. Daichi and I were thinking we could section off a part of the infirmary for now and if you still want to stay after you have recovered we will work something more permanent out. Is that okay?”

“Yes yes yes, thank you so much.” Hinata whispered to avoiding straining his voice more.

“Well that’s settled we’ll send in some others to move some stuff around later. I’ll come see you later Hinata.” Suga turned his back and walked away. There was something odd about his wings but Hinata couldn’t tell what it was. It was almost like one was shorter than the other but he couldn’t tell. Kiyoko came back in holding a bowl of something hot. It smelled delicious. Hinata ate that broth like it was the last food he would ever see. Shortly after he fell asleep again.

When he woke up he was in the infirmary but now it was curtained off and there was a small basket of clothes and a wash basin. There was also a mirror. Hinata rarely got to see himself in such a clear reflection since he was always moving and had never lived in a civilized place. He looked over his face first. His eyes looked cloudy and his cheeks were sunken. He was skinnier than he had originally thought. He could see his ribs and his skin was pale and his veins were even more visible than usual. His lips were cracked and bloody. His wings were the worst of it though.

The feathers were dried out and broken. They were extremely sore and you could see the bones. They looked like they were dead. They weren’t thankfully and he could tell because he could still move everything with a great deal of effort. They felt heavier than usual though. He knew he would go into a molt in the middle of winter now because there were so many dead feathers. That would be miserably cold. Yachi walked in on him standing out of bed

“Hinata!” She squeaked. “You shouldn’t be up you are still weak!” She then proceeded push him back into bed and feed him more broth and make him drink more water.

 

_________________________________

 

This was a pattern that continued for a while. Eventually the foods became more solid and he was eating things like fruits and meats not just broth. Kiyoko and Yachi were always very cautious with him though not letting him do too much exercise or have too much excitement. Suga would come around occasionally and talk to Kiyoko. Kiyoko would always give him some kind of healing thing or another. He would then say hi to Hinata and leave. Hinata wondered if Suga was just always ill. Finally, after what felt like forever Kiyoko finally let Hinata go to the center of the camp where all the people always were. Hinata hadn’t been allowed to go more than a couple feet from the infirmary before then for fear he would collapse and Yachi wouldn’t be able to carry him back by herself. The infirmary was not very near to the rest of the camp either. They had set it up farther away so that if there was any kind of contagious illness it wouldn’t be easily spread.

Yachi lead Hinata to the central fire pit and plopped down on the ground in front of it with a book. She knew by now that Hinata wanted to explore for himself and that she would be there for a while. There was one cabin on the ground but all the rest were in the trees. There were some smaller ones and some larger ones, some were higher than others and some were farther out into the woods but all in all there were about five that Hinata could see. The only other thing on the ground besides the one cabin were some sheds. There was another shed that was in a tree. Hinata was in awe.

Suddenly a black blur flew through one of the trees with another black blur chasing it.

“I’ll catch you Ryu!” One of the blurs shouted.

“Never!” said the other as he landed on a branch. He was muscular with a shaved head. The other blur landed on top of the cabin on the ground. He had brown hair that stood straight up with a single blonde streak in the front. Suga came marching out of the cabin.

“Noya how many times have I told you not to land on the roof! You can swoop around all you want but don’t do it on the buildings.”

“Okay, okay mom, I’m getting off.” The spikey haired one said.

“Oh, Hinata nice to see you out and about.” Suga said and then walked back into his cabin. The spikey one jumped of the roof and swooped over next to Hinata.

“God your wings look awful,” He said to Hinata. “I’m Nishinoya Yuu but you can call me Noya.”

“I’m Tanaka Ryuunosuke, call me Tanaka.” The bald one said landing next to Hinata.

“I’m Hinata…” Hinata said trailing off. Hinata couldn’t even respond properly he was still just too shocked that they were flying. He had had wings his whole life but could never learn to fly. They were flying around like it was nothing. Tanaka and Noya’s voices were background noise now.

“Hinata!” Daichi’s voice pulled Hinata out of his train of thought. “Since you are feeling better why don’t you come to the group dinner tonight so you can meet everyone properly. Are you feeling up to it?”

“Yes.”

“Good then why don’t you go back and rest and we’ll meet out in front of the fire before dinner. Tanaka, Noya aren’t you supposed to be on cooking duty today with Asahi?” Tanaka and Noya looked at the ground and then slowly began walking back towards the woods trying to hide their smirks.

“I’ll take Hinata back Daichi,” Yachi said looking up from her book.

“I’ll see later Hinata.” Daichi said turning towards the cabin that wasn’t in the trees.

 

____________________________________

 

“Yachi, I want to learn to fly!” Hinata said as he bounced on his toes. “Will you teach me?”

“I can’t fly stably yet myself. My wings aren’t fully developed and they still have to much down. I don’t think I would be the best person to teach you. Besides you need to molt before you do any flying.” Hinata had almost forgotten about the extent to which his wings were damaged. He had been putting the molt off because it was still cold and he hated molting in winter.

When he got back to his room in the infirmary he decided to force start his molt. He pulled out a couple of feathers which hurt like hell and then for the next hour or so he just sat there and waited for some of the down and other larger feathers to fall out. Rubbing oil on the dried out cracked skin where the feathers had fallen out. Usually he would just wait until he molted in spring instead of forcing one but he wanted to learn to fly now.  At the rate he was pushing it he would be done by the end of the week.  5 more days.

At dinner that night he was introduced to everyone. Asahi, the scary looking one who was really very nice, Kageyama the scary looking one who was scary, who he vaguely remembered. Noya the bouncy one, Tanaka the wild one, Tsukishima the apathetic one and his partner Yamaguchi. Then there was of course Ennoshita and his friends, they all patrolled or hunted and were rarely there. Hinata noticed that Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had blue tipped wings just like Daichi. He thought that Daichi had blue wings because he was the leader but it must be something else.

“Alright, we are here to introduce our newest crow and talk about moving Hinata out of the infirmary and into a cabin. Kageyama, I was thinking yours would be the best because you have 2 extra rooms. Would you be okay with that?” Daichi questioned and Kageyama scowled in response. “I thought it would be better than leaving him with Yachi and Kiyoko or than putting him in with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi was frantically shaking his head no and Tsukishima looked like he had peed his pants or something, his face was red and shocked.

“I’ll do it.” Kageyama said after seeing the look on Tsukishima’s face.

“Okay well other than that and possibly an upcoming meeting with Nekoma and Fukurodani there really isn’t much else to talk about so everyone, enjoy the food.”

                All throughout dinner Hinata observed everyone carefully. It was the first time he had been around the whole murder. His instincts kicked in and he immediately became suspicious of the large group of people near him. Suga and Daichi sat abnormally close throughout dinner. Daichi’s right wing laying over Suga’s left wing protectively. Yamaguchi was always touching Tsukishima in some way or another. Noya and Asahi were close to but not in the way that they always needed to be touching each other. Asahi just seemed like he needed to keep a constant watch on Noya in case he did something stupid. It was a very strange family dynamic. Kageyama seemed like the only odd one out.

                After dinner Hinata was sitting and watching the fire mesmerized when Kageyama walked up to him.

“Why did you force start a molt in the middle of winter?” He asked tersely.

“Because my feathers were horrible.”

“You could have waited till spring.”

“Not if I want to fly.” Hinata was avoiding talking about the fact that he didn’t know how to fly.

“You can fly with damaged wings if you know how it’s just not easy.”

“Well damn it Kageyama I don’t know how to fly.” Hinata yelled. “If I did I wouldn’t be molting now would I?”

“Oh, well you can’t move in until you learn how to fly. You better find someone to teach you because I don’t want to.”

“I will don’t you worry!” And with that Kageyama walked away.

 

___________________________________

 

                His molt was almost over when Suga finally came to the infirmary. Hinata had spent the last five days freezing his butt off and avoiding people so that they didn’t have to see him missing so many feathers and being extremely irritable and tired. Noya had come over once but after Hinata had snapped at him he had left. Now though, Hinata was in a much better mood. Almost all of his feathers had grown back and he was no longer underweight. Three weeks of eating healthily had finally fixed him. Suga had come for his usual pick up from Kiyoko.

“Suga!” Hinata shouted bouncing into the general infirmary area.

“Wow Hinata your wings look much better. That molt really helped, you seem a lot happier too.”

“Yeah, I don’t feel sick anymore. Can I walk with you back to the other cabins?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

After they were out of the infirmary Hinata finally worked up the nerve to ask.

“Suga will you teach me to fly? Cause I mean I can’t leave the infirmary if I can’t fly. I won’t be able to get to the cabins. Plus, I want to be able to fly cause it’s cool and- “

“Hinata,” Suga cut him off. “I think you should find someone else to teach you.”

“But Yachi can’t fly all by herself either and I don’t trust anyone else enough to teach me.”

“I am not the right person to teach you this I think you should ask someone else.”

“But Suga- “

“Hinata please ask someone else besides me.” Suga looked angry and on the verge of tears. Hinata didn’t know what he did wrong.

“Who should I ask then?”

“I think Kageyama would be good. It will help build your relationship if he teaches you.”

“But Kageyama hates me, and I don’t know why.”

“I don’t think he hates you. You just have to bother him until he likes you. I am going to go now. I’ll see you later Hinata.” He walked off and disappeared into his cabin on the ground.

                About an hour later after Hinata just sat around waiting Kageyama finally showed up. Hinata ran over to him.

“Kageyama you have to teach me to fly.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you are stupid and I don’t teach dumbasses.”

“Bakageyama that’s a mean thing to say to your new roommate.”

“You won’t be my roommate if you can’t fly and I am not going to teach you.”

“Huh, I guess Suga-san was wrong about you…” Hinata pretended to say to himself. “You aren’t very good at flying.”

“I am great at flying! Now leave me alone.” Kageyama launched into the air before Hinata could retort.

“Uuuugghhh.” Hinata groaned to himself.

 

____________________________

 

                The next day Hinata asked Kageyama again. Nothing. Again and again he asked him. Still nothing every time. Hinata had been strength training by himself to build up some more muscle again but he couldn’t teach himself to fly and he was becoming impatient. After about a 2 weeks of begging Hinata had told himself that this would be the last time he asked. 

“Please Kageyama I am begging you! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living in the infirmary!” Hinata looked up at him giving him the biggest puppy eyes he could manage. Kageyama looked at him and for the first time since Hinata had known him he wasn’t scowling.

“Fine. You better put all your effort into it or I won’t teach you anymore.” Kageyama said and then marched away before Hinata could answer him.

“Thank you Kageyama!” Hinata shouted after him. He had a strange burning feeling in his chest as he bounded back to his room in the infirmary.


	2. Driving Me Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 from Kageyama's POV plus a little bit more about flying and an awkward sex talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering if, since all of the chapter titles are based off of songs if you would like a playlist on YouTube or Spotify? The song that inspired the chapter is Troye Sivan's WILD if you want to listen. I hope you enjoy the chapter, sorry if it is a little repetitive I just wanted to show what was going through Kags' mind when Hinata showed up. 
> 
> -GB

                Kageyama hated the burning feeling in his chest. It was really irritating. He blamed the kid with the orange hair. The burning had showed up with him. _Stupid dumbass just walking into camp like that._ Of course he couldn’t really blame the boy since really the boy hadn’t done anything. If anything he shouldn’t blame him at all. The boy was starving and in pain. It was a horrible sight really, the way you could see his ribs and how hollow his cheeks were. _No._ Kageyama shook the thoughts from his mind. He shouldn’t care about this boy at all. This boy meant nothing to him. So why did he go to the infirmary to see if he was okay?

                 Kageyama had always hated the infirmary. It smelled funny like herbs and sickness and, when there was an injury, blood. Right now it smelled like sickness and soap. He hated that combination, nothing so horrible should smell clean. He scrunched up his nose and scowled even more than usual. He had walked in and the boy was coughing violently. The coughing looked painful. The burning feeling in his chest that had appeared after the boy showed up was stronger here. Kageyama had a strange urge to try and care for the boy, to rub his back and tell him it would be okay. _No, why would I want to do that? This idiot stumbles into camp half dead, why should I care about him? That’s right, I shouldn’t. He’s an idiot._  Nobody had noticed Kageyama come in due to the commotion and for that, he was grateful. He hated causing a scene.

                Eventually the boy stopped coughing and when he looked back up he looked directly at Kageyama. After a moment the boy’s eyes fluttered away and examined the room. The burning was almost painful now. I made his whole body hot but he wasn’t blushing, it was more internal than that. Like his blood was pumping lava or something. It hurt, and Kageyama grimaced more.

Kageyama hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize that the boy’s feathers were all fluffed out until Suga had backed into him. When the feathers finally settled Daichi started doing his usual quick fire questions and Suga stood next to him trying not to freak the sick boy out. The boy responded with minimal shock though which surprised Kageyama. When Daichi had done that to him it had taken him almost a full minute to figure out what to say next.

“My name is Hinata. I smelled your food, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cause you a problem and I apologize for my feathers earlier I am tired and my reactions are off. I never meant to be aggressive.” The boy blurted out. Kageyama barely caught all the words. Hinata’s voice was raspy and dry sounding. Clearly he was excited about something though because he had tried to shout. Suga went into parent mode and tried to sooth the boy. Suga introduced everyone and Kageyama just stood there.

“Suga we have some things to discuss may I talk to you outside? You too Kiyoko.” Daichi said grabbing Suga by the hand and gently pulling him out, motioning for Kiyoko to follow. Kageyama stood there a while longer. He just stared at the boy while the boy, Hinata, looked at the sheets of his bed. Kageyama stared long enough to notice little things about him, like how he had a little crease between his eyebrows and how his head was slightly turned to the side and how even though his hair defied gravity he had that one piece that curled away from the rest and fell right over his eye. Kageyama noticed way too much. When finally realized that he was staring for probably too long he walked out of the infirmary.

                Outside Daichi and Suga and Kiyoko were talking. Well Daichi and Suga were talking and Kiyoko was nodding and shaking her head in silence. Kageyama had hoped he could slip by them without getting noticed.

“Kageyama wait.” Daichi called. _Aw damn._ Kageyama cursed himself, he should have stayed home today.

“What were you doing in the infirmary anyways?” Daichi asked.

“Ah, well, I uh… I wanted to see the boy, I mean I am the one who found him.” _Yeah that’s a good excuse right? I mean there is no way they can know about the burning feeling._ Suga cocked his head in confusion though. Suga had also been there when the boy had stumbled into camp and Kageyama had almost let him fall to the ground without a care until Suga had yelled to catch him. That was when the burning had started, the moment he had touched Hinata. It hurt his hands to touch him, like he was burning. Kageyama had carried him to the infirmary and Kiyoko had been so worried that he would die. When Kageyama had gone back to touch him again he only just then realized how cold the boy was. Almost like the boy was already dead.

                Kageyama didn’t like to think about that. It was not okay for the boy with the red hair to be dead. It would never be okay in his mind, and Kageyama couldn’t figure out why.

“Kageyama are you okay?” Suga asked.

“Um, I don’t know. I gotta go.” And with that, Kageyama ran away. He ran for a minute and until he was sure he wouldn’t hit anything, he pulled open his wings and with a quick jump and a push from his wings he was in the air. 

 

_____________________________

 

                Kageyama avoided everyone for a few days after that. He wouldn’t leave his cabin unless it was to fly. Nobody bothered him when he would fly. He could go up high into the air where he could feel the cold air in his feathers and the wind pulled his hair out of his face. He remembered teaching himself how to fly as a child so he could avoid the bullies and fly over the roof tops at night. When he had arrived at Karasuno everyone was really surprised that he had taught himself. He didn’t like to talk about his past much though, and really only Daichi and Suga new the full extent of it. Tsukishima liked to tease him about the fact that he wouldn’t talk about it. That really pissed Kageyama off, but Kageyama was a better flyer than almost everyone except Nishinoya.

                That was the one thing Kageyama thought he was really good at, flying. He really couldn’t do much else. His social skills were terrible and he couldn’t cook or hunt. He just generally wasn’t very crafty like that. He had a sharp mind, but he didn’t know how to apply it to a group dynamic like Karasuno. He just wasn’t good with other people.

                He had been flying absently for an hour or so when he realized that he had flown in a circle and he had ended up right over the infirmary. He landed on the roof of the infirmary quietly. He could hear talking inside. The burning in his chest got warmer the more he listened. Suddenly Suga walked out of the entrance. Kageyama wanted to ask Suga about the burning in his chest. _Suga was trustworthy right?_ He jumped from branch to branch until he was in front of Suga and then he landed in front of him. Suga leapt backwards in shock.

“Kageyama how did you get there?”

“I was out flying and I saw you walking back. I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Go ahead, mind if we walk though? I have to talk to Daichi about some stuff” Suga said as he continued to walk. Kageyama nodded. “What did you want to ask about?”

“Well let’s just say, hypothetically, every time you were around Daichi you got this like warm feeling in your chest, what exactly would that be?”

“Kageyama, are you getting a warm feeling in your chest when you are around someone?”

“Well, I mean…”

“You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I keep getting this burning sensation whenever I am around that new boy that stumbled into camp.” Suga giggled. “What’s funny?”

“Oh it’s nothing I just had my suspicions for why you randomly showed up at the infirmary. I know you aren’t very personable Kageyama so I was curious as to why you decided to show up when you could have just asked someone how Hinata was doing.” Kageyama blushed at this statement. He really did try to be friendly he just had a kind of angry face.

“So what does it mean Suga? What _is_ the burning feeling?”

“Let’s see, how do I explain this without scaring you?” Suga said quietly to himself. Kageyama waited patiently.

“So, um, you know how some birds mate and they mate for life?” Kageyama raised his eyebrows. _Where was this thing going?_ “Well, crows mate for life.”

“So what does that have to do with the burning feeling in my chest?”

“Oh Kageyama,” Suga giggled into his hand and blushed. “It’s a mating call.” Now it was Kageyama’s turn to blush. He looked at the ground and mumbled, “Thank you Suga, I have to go now.” He rushed away.

                So that’s what it was. Why though? Why for that stupid little red headed boy! He didn’t even know the boy! He shouldn’t have feelings for him! Kageyama was very angry and even more bitter than usual as he lay around his cabin before dinner.

                The red headed boy was at dinner which just made everything worse. The burning was more intense and now that Kageyama knew what it was he just hated it even more than he had before. He stared at the table for as long as possible until Daichi called his name.

“Kageyama, I was thinking yours would be the best because you have 2 extra rooms. Would you be okay with that?” _What was Daichi even talking about?_ Kageyama hadn’t been paying attention.

“I thought it would be better than leaving him with Yachi and Kiyoko or than putting him in with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.” _Oh they were talking about the new boy’s housing situation. Uh oh._ He couldn’t stay with Kageyama. He started freaking out until he saw Tsukishima’s face. Then he started laughing internally.

“I’ll do it.” He said. It was worth it just because of the look on Tsukishima’s face. He guessed he should start calling the boy Hinata in his head now. It probably wouldn’t be appropriate to keep calling him ‘that boy’ after he moved in. After dinner, Kageyama lingered talking to Daichi for a while about chores when he looked over by the fire he saw Hinata sitting front of it, mesmerized.

“Why did you force start a molt in the middle of winter?” Kageyama asked. It seemed unethical to start a molt right now in the cold.

“Because my feathers were horrible.” Hinata responded defensively.

“You could have waited till spring.”

“Not if I want to fly.”

“You can fly with damaged wings if you know how, it’s just not easy.” Kageyama would fly even if his feathers were dried out and broken, he loved flying too much to let something like that stop him.

“Well damn it Kageyama I don’t know how to fly.” Hinata yelled. “If I did I wouldn’t be molting now would I?” Kageyama was taken aback by this statement. How was he supposed to know Hinata couldn’t fly?

“Oh, well you can’t move in until you learn how to fly. You better find someone to teach you because I don’t want to.” He said bluntly.

“I will don’t you worry!” Kageyama walked away from him at this point and leapt up into the trees and flew to his cabin on the outskirts of the camp.

 

_________________________________

 

                About a week had passed. Kageyama continued to avoid people. He thought about Hinata a lot. By the end of the week he realized Hinata’s molt should be about finished. Kageyama wondered who he would ask to teach him to fly. Probably Noya because he was the best. Kageyama had firmly believed that Hinata would have asked Noya. When he found Hinata in the center of camp he was slightly confused. Hinata appeared in front of him. Kageyama was always shocked at how fast Hinata was.

“Kageyama you have to teach me to fly.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you are stupid and I don’t teach dumbasses.” Kageyama didn’t want to teach Hinata. Kageyama had very little patience and he had a feeling Hinata would test it.

“Bakageyama that’s a mean thing to say to your new roommate.”

“You won’t be my roommate if you can’t fly and I am not going to teach you.”

“Huh, I guess Suga-san was wrong about you…” Hinata said to himself. He was trying to irritate Kageyama and Kageyama knew it. It didn’t’ matter though, because Kageyama still fell for it. “You aren’t very good at flying.” Hinata continued.

“I am great at flying! Now leave me alone.” He said irritated and jumped into the air taking off. He was a little bit showier than necessary but he wanted to prove Hinata wrong.

                This was a pattern that continued. Hinata was persistent. Exceptionally persistent. Every day he would ask Kageyama to teach him and every day Kageyama would say no. Finally, after two weeks of asking Kageyama was fed up. Kageyama came out of the supply cabin and there Hinata was, waiting for him.

“Again?” Kageyama said exasperated.

“Please Kageyama I am begging you! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living in the infirmary!” Hinata looked up at him giving him the biggest puppy eyes he could manage. Kageyama looked at him and he couldn’t help it.

“Fine. You better put all your effort into it or I won’t teach you anymore.” Kageyama said and then marched away before Hinata could answer him.

“Thank you Kageyama!” He barely heard Hinata shout after him. The burning in his chest painful again.

                Hinata was waiting for him outside the infirmary when Kageyama showed up there the next morning. Kageyama was dreading this. He didn’t need another reason to strengthen the mating call between the two of them.

“I was waiting for you! Yachi told me that you would be here early. She couldn’t believe I convinced you to teach me. I told her I could be very convincing though.” Hinata babbled the entire time they walked to a field further out away from the camp. It was a slightly windy day, that was going to make things more difficult.

“…and then when I was trying to put my shirt on.”

“Hinata.” Kageyama interrupted him. “What do you know about flying?”

“Um, nothing.” _Ugh, that means we have to start from the beginning._ Kageyama thought to himself.

“The wind will affect your balance. As a beginner you should always fly into the wind. It will be harder to pick up speed but you will be less likely to get thrown off balance. Keep this in mind.” Hinata nodded earnestly. “Now before we start any actual flying, I am going to teach you about takeoff and landing.

“When you take off you will need to jump and flap your wings at the same time. Kind of like, whoosh and swish.” Hinata cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Um, maybe it would be better if I just show you.” Kageyama took off. Pushing his wings down in one quick motion as he jumped. Then he continued to flap until he was a couple feet in the air. After he was stable for a moment he landed. His wings spread out like a big parachute and he floated to the ground.

“So when you land, spread out your wings and try to keep you balance. Once you get into the air the most important thing is to keep flapping your wings. You aren’t experienced enough to be able to glide and you won’t be for a while.”

“Okay I wanna try it now.” Hinata jumped into the air spread out his wings. Only he didn’t spread out his wings soon enough and he fell on his butt.

“I should also probably mention it helps if you get a running start but run into the wind. It may not feel strong now, but even the tiniest breeze can knock a beginner like you out of the sky.” Hinata scowled at Kageyama for saying this but it was true, and Kageyama had learned it the hard way. Hinata took a running start and jumped into the wind. He still wasn’t opening his wings soon enough. Kageyama thought about telling him after about three falls but it is better to learn from doing. Unfortunately, Hinata didn’t learn from his mistakes. He just kept making the same mistakes over and over again.

“Open your wings sooner dumbass.” Kageyama shouted across the field at him. This time Hinata got into the air for a second but lost his concentration and forgot to move his wings and fell again. It was exhausting to watch, Kageyama couldn’t imagine how exhausting it was to actually attempt. Yet still, Hinata kept at it. Finally, after almost four hours of trying and Kageyama yelling at him, Hinata got into the air and stayed there. Only he still had no idea how to land so when he did, he fell to the ground with a thump, again.

“That’s enough for today.” Kageyama said, marching back towards camp. “We can work on your landing tomorrow.”

“But I’m not ready to be done yet. I want to get into the air more!”

“No, you are still not functioning at 100% and if you keep going at this rate you won’t be able to do any training at all tomorrow. Trust me, you haven’t had this much exercise in a long time and I bet you have never used your wings this much either, have you?”

“No,” Hinata pouted.

“You’ll feel that in your muscles tomorrow.” Hinata followed Kageyama back to the infirmary. “I’ll meet you out here tomorrow. Same time as I did today.” Then Kageyama jumped into the trees and made his way back to his cabin.

 

_________________________

 

                Hinata hated that Kageyama was right. He woke up and his muscles were painfully sore all over. He would never say anything to Kageyama. He would never admit that Kageyama was right. He loved flying though. It was so exhilarating. Hinata loved it to death. He wasn’t going to let some sore muscles stop him again today. This time Kageyama was outside the infirmary waiting for him.

“So Kageyama, after I learn to successfully take off, land, and maintain flight, can I move in? I mean not that I want to move in with someone stupid like you but I am kind of sick of staying in the infirmary.”

“I don’t see why not, but you need to be able to successfully complete a jumping takeoff not a running one and be able to fly in tight spaces. My cabin isn’t easy to get to and you can’t do that overnight.”

“I’ll just have to work three times as hard then!” Hinata said and bolted for the field. There was no wind today and Hinata was feeling extremely confident. He wanted to try a jumping take off. He wanted to throw it right in Kageyama’s face. He had actually practiced it last night though, so when they got to the clearing he jumped into the air and pulled his wings out and actually managed to stay in the air for a few moments before losing his balance and falling to the ground.

“Did you see that Bakageyama? I can do a jump takeoff!” Hinata shouted. Kageyama scowled in response. Hinata took that as a good sign. Their lessons continued very much like this for about a week. Kageyama liked to scowl a lot, Hinata noticed. Slowly though, over the week of training their relationship improved and when Hinata was finally good enough to fly without falling out of the sky after a few minutes Kageyama took him to his cabin.

“Wow, your cabin is really high up in the trees.” Hinata remarked once they got there.

“Yeah it used to be Yamaguchi and Yachi’s but they moved out.”

“Why is it so far away though?”

“Children’s cabins are far away from everyone else because children are loud. The cabins are high up because it protects them from getting attacking by things that can’t get into trees. Yachi and Yamaguchi were found as children. From what Daichi and Suga told me they were only about 10 years old when they found them in the city.”

“Oh yeah, I guess that would explain it. I like it though. I’m not surprised you would want to be far away.” Kageyama glared at him for that remark. “We can move your stuff in today if you want.” He replied grumpily.

“Yes! That would be great!”

“Well then let’s go.” Kageyama took off towards the infirmary. When they finally got there it took Hinata forever to figure out what to bring. He kept grabbing things that were part of the infirmary.

“I don’t know what I can actually take.” He said dejectedly.

“Whatever you don’t have we can make, or find it somewhere. Nekoma usually has stuff like mirrors that they don’t need.”

“I never had a mirror before I came here.” Hinata said pouting.

“Well if it’s that big of a deal you can have my mirror.”

“Really? That’s so unlike you Kageyama.” Hinata said bolting over to Kageyama and standing very close to him. The burning feeling returned to Hinata’s chest. The burning in Kageyama’s chest was painful and it took every ounce of his self-control not to kiss Hinata right there.

“Uh, yeah, yes.” Kageyama stuttered out. The grin that broke out on Hinata’s face was worth more than the world. The burning now filled Kageyama’s whole body. Kageyama had a feeling that having Hinata in such close proximity all the time was going to prove to be a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really feel like I can't write for Kageyama's POV at all so I am sorry if this butchered the character. There will be at least a couple more chapters from his POV though. Next week my co-author is writing for some cats and possibly owls so look forward to that! Also, I will be replying to all of the comments on my chapters and I realized last week I forgot to tag my replies but all the replies on the last chapter were me! I hope you all enjoyed and if you want to come message me about the fic or anything really I am: @a-snail-with-no-motivation on Tumblr.
> 
> \- GB


	3. Villains That Live in My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma doesn't understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am Maya, the other author of this fic! This is my first chapter for this fic in particular and I hope you like it! - Maya

Everyone was downstairs talking, drinking, and having fun, and Kenma sat on a rooftop at sunset staring out at a city that was once beautiful... He can only imagine the beauty this city once held, as he's only seen it how it is now; bridges broken in half, cars parked and crashed into one another in seemingly random places, buildings laying on their sides, and plant life growing practically everywhere. Though, he thinks that maybe, in its own little way, it still is beautiful. Kenma almost felt like crying then, but refrained himself-he can save these tears for later on in the night when he won't be disturbed.

He heard the door to the stairwell close softly somewhere behind him, and a barely audible “Hey.”

Akaashi, he thought.

Akaashi walked over and sat next to him silently. Kenma leaned over and rested his head on his shoulder, Akaashi wrapped his arm lightly around Kenma's waist, and they just sat there in silence.  
Akaashi hasn't been much for conversation after 'the incident' that happened a few months ago. Even before that, he didn't talk much to people he wasn't close to, but now it's like a rare opportunity to hear him speak in anything more than one word sentences. Apparently today was one of those rarities.

“Are you doing okay?” Akaashi asked.

Kenma didn't know if he'd rather lie, and say he's fine, or tell the truth, and say that he's felt like crying for the past hour.  
He couldn't decide, so he just stayed silent. Akaashi knew what that meant, and placed his free hand on Kenma's arm, starting to trace designs over the little bumps and scratches that ran up and down both his arms. Kenma's tail twitched when Akaashi's thumb ran over a fairly new scab, but Akaashi didn't seem to notice, though he did make a point to not go too close to any new scabs after that.

After a couple minutes, Kuroo and Bokuto made their way up to the roof, only slightly intoxicated, and plopped themselves at either side of Akaashi and Kenma, Kuroo next to Kenma, and Bokuto next to Akaashi.

“You're both thinking too much.” Kuroo said, placing his hand on Akaashi's back, and moving so that Kenma was sitting in his lap.

“I'm only thinking a little too much,” Kenma mumbled, laying his head against Kuroo's chest. Kuroo made a point to help Akaashi trace designs into the scabbed up skin on Kenma's arms.

It was silent for a few minutes until it was broken by, “I'm impressed, you two were able to restrain yourselves from drinking as much as usual.” Akaashi said.

“Hey! We don't usually drink that much!” Bokuto replied.

Akaashi didn't reply, though Kuroo did say, “We knew we planned to train tomorrow, so we didn't want to have awful hangovers.”

No one said anything for a while after that, and it was nice. They all stay there, more-or-less cuddling, and watching the sun slowly set and the moon rise. After a while, when the moon was high in the sky, and the noise below them was beginning to die down, they all silently agreed it was time to head to bed. They all stood up and walked to the door, though, Kenma stayed where he was and kept staring at the skyline. He was standing terrifyingly close to the edge.

“You guys go ahead and head to bed, we'll be down in a minute,” Kuroo said.

He quickly turned and walked over, wrapping his arms around Kenma's waist once the door closed behind Bokuto and Akaashi.

“You're not thinking about jumping, are you?” Kuroo said, trying to sound joking, but Kenma could hear the fear and worry in his voice.

“...No” Kenma said after a minute of silence.

“Then let's go to bed,” Kuroo said, unwrapping his arms from around Kenma's waist and grabbing his hand instead. Kenma grunted in agreement, and they walked to the door and down the many flights of stairs to get to the bedrooms in the old creaky building the Nekoma camp had laid claim to years ago. 

 

•••

 

Akaashi walked over to the bed after getting into his pajamas and lay next to Bokuto, grabbing his hand and wrapping himself around the larger male. 

'Akaashi, is this real? Am I really laying in bed with you, our hands clasped together and you cuddling my side?' Bokuto asked.

'Yes Bokuto, it's real, this is actually happening, I'm really here.' Akaashi whispered reassuringly, burying his face into Bokuto's neck.  
A few minutes of silence passed, and Akaashi could hear Bokuto's breathing slow. He never let himself fall asleep before Bokuto, in case something were to happen.

Akaashi's thoughts began to wander, but he stopped them before they became uncontrollable. He knew that if he let his thoughts wander around on their own, he wouldn't get any sleep, like he had the last few nights. So, instead of thinking about anything, Akaashi just stared at the ceiling, no thoughts running around his head, and slowly, his eyelids became heavier and heavier until Akaashi's breathing also slowed to the same pace as Bokuto's. 

 

••• 

 

Kuroo and Kenma had finally gotten to their room, Kenma immediately walked over to the bed and flopped down on it, burrowing under the covers and then laying still. Kuroo walked into the bathroom, placing his hands on the counter and looked up so he was staring directly into the eyes of his reflection. He took a deep breath and slowly breathed it out. If Kuroo was being honest with himself, he was more concerned about Kenma than he had been in a while. Whenever Kuroo asked if he was okay, he'd just say 'I'm fine' even if Kuroo knew that Kenma wasn't okay. Kuroo wishes he could do more to help him. They were boyfriends after all.

Kuroo felt as though he was powerless against this great depression that had seemingly taken over Kenma's life. 

“Kuroo? Are you okay? You've been in there awhile” He heard Kenma ask from the bedroom.

“Yeah, I'm fine! I'll be out in just a minute!” Kuroo called back.

Kuroo rinsed his face off with cool water and left the bathroom. He got to the bedroom and lightly sat down on the bed next to Kenma. Kenma grunted and pulled Kuroo down so that Kenma was lying wrapped up in Kuroo's arms like a kitten.  
Kuroo reached over and blew out a candle that had just barely been lighting the room.

Immediately after he lay back down, he could feel Kenma's tail twitching anxiously against his stomach. Kuroo rolled Kenma over so that they were now facing each other; their legs tangled, and their fingers linked together. 

“You're thinking too much.” Kuroo said.

Kenma’s only response was a small sigh.  
Kuroo pressed his lips lightly against Kenma's forehead and untangled their hands, wrapping his arms around Kenma and pulled him close. Kuroo had known Kenma was afraid of the dark for years now, but lately, it seemed like it had been getting worse. Kuroo wonders that if Kenma isn't really afraid of the dark, but he's afraid of the thoughts that come with it. The kinds of thoughts that he’s been running from all day are now chasing him down. Kuroo understood that, as even right now all the thoughts he's been trying to avoid all day, are attempting to make their way into his train of thought. Suddenly, Kuroo felt Kenma shift, and wrap his arms around Kuroo's middle. 

“You're thinking too much.” Kenma whispered.

“We both seem to be in the habit of thinking too much.” Kuroo replied. 

He felt Kenma shift again, and this time, he rested his head in the crook of Kuroo's neck. They both silently agreed then that there would be no more talking, just the sound of tired breathes and shifting bodies.

 

••• 

 

The next morning, they all woke up and slowly made their way out to the main courtyard. Kenma was the slowest to join the rest outside; still tired from everything that’s been happening.

“Hey, you seem sad… why?” Kuroo asked, gently grabbing Kenma’s hand.

“It’s not like that’d be a new thing….” He said, looking at the ground.

“Even if it’s not a new thing, that doesn’t mean it’s good or okay.” Kuroo said, in a tone that surprised Kenma by its seriousness. 

“I know it’s not… but I can’t stop it. I don’t… I don’t want this anymore….” he felt his breathing becoming slightly uneven, and he closed his eyes and tried to calm down and even out his breathing.

“What don’t you want anymore, Kenma?” Kuroo looked at him questioningly.

“I-I don’t know anymore… I just don’t want this.” He was still trying his hardest to even out his breathing, but it didn’t seem to be working well.

“Hey, Kenma… come here.” Kuroo pulled him gently into a hug, and he buried his face in Kuroo’s chest, wrapping his arms around him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.

“It’s going to be okay, Kenma, I promise.” Kuroo was determined to help Kenma as best he could.

“Okay…” he looked up at Kuroo and tried to believe him.

“Do you want to go join the others for breakfast?” Kuroo asked.

“Yeah.” He pulled away from the hug and grabbed his hand instead, lacing their fingers together.

They walked through the main courtyard, and to the kitchen. They grabbed whatever food was left, and went to go find Akaashi and Bokuto in the eating area.  
They eventually found them sitting near the edge, away from most of the other people.  
They sat down with them and talked as they all ate. By the time they were all finished eating, it was almost time for their training.

“Bokuto, don’t forget to get your weapons before we go.” Akaashi said, sighing, as he had to remind him of this every time they trained.

Bokuto ran off to the weaponry and after a minute he came back holding his flail and sword. The other three always had their weapons on them, Akaashi with his throwing knives and chain whip, Kenma with his bow and arrow or crossbow, depending on his mood, and his dagger, and Kuroo with his spiked brass knuckles and his dagger.  
After a certain amount of training with different weapons, each person figures out which weapons they suit best, and have to craft their own version of them, so they all have their own specialized weapons to fight with.

They all started to head towards the training grounds outside of the city walls. They reached the training grounds and they all headed over to their respective fields, Bokuto over to the sword fighting area, Akaashi over to the target practice area, Kuroo over to the one-on-one combat area, and Kenma headed over to the archery field.

Kenma got over to the slightly secluded archery field and took his bow off from across his torso, hooking his quiver over his chest. He easily found a clear area to shoot, as not many archers liked to train at this time of day, which was why Kenma always trained now. There were only about three or four more people shooting around him, so his anxiety levels weren’t too high.  
He took an arrow out from his quiver, and placed it against the string, bringing it up to aim. Kenma didn’t know why, but he was known as one of the best archers in their camp, even though there were around twenty more archers, he was somehow known as one of the best. He wondered if it was because he usually ended up training the most out of the group of four, because he had realized that when he’s concentrating on aiming at the bull’s-eye it’s like the entire world around him disappears, and the only thing that exists are him, and the target. When he let the arrow fly, it’s like he can truly breathe.  
The next thing Kenma knows the string has left his fingers, and the arrow is flying straight towards the middle of the target, hitting it dead center.

“Hey! Nice shot Kenma!” he looked over and saw Lev waving at him from a couple targets over, his longbow in hand.

He sighed, ignoring the taller man and grabbed another arrow from behind him, nocking the arrow, and drawing the string back, focusing his every thought on the target in front of him. He let the arrow fly, and it landed about an inch away from his last shot.  
He continued this pattern until he was out of arrows. He went and retrieved all the arrows from the target and placed them back into the quiver, taking the quiver off in the process and securing the bow over his torso, slinging the quiver over his shoulder, starting to head over to the target practice area to try to find Akaashi. He got over to the area and had to look around for a minute to find Akaashi, who was at the far end from where Kenma was. He made his way over to him, and sat down behind him as Akaashi continued throwing the knives at the target a few yards away.

“Hello, Kenma.” He said, turning his head slightly to look over his shoulder.

“Hello Akaashi.” He replied quietly, getting up and hugging him gently from behind, making sure to leave enough room for his wings, he laid his head on Akaashi’s shoulder.

“This seems to be a good day for you.” Kenma said, looking at the target in front of them, seeing that almost all of the knives had landed practically dead center.

“Seems that way.” Akaashi replied, getting ready to throw again.

Kenma stayed where he was, knowing Akaashi could throw just fine with someone clinging to him, having gotten used to it over the years of Bokuto constantly clinging to him.  
Akaashi continued this until he ran out of knives, walking over to the target and retrieving the knives, walking past Kenma and placed them all back into the bag that he always kept them in. He and Akaashi seem to have the same style of training; keep going with no breaks until you’re out of resources, then stopping until the next time they train, which ended up working well for them, as they were both very good at what they did, and didn’t need much practice to keep up their ability.

They left the target practice area, and headed over to the sword fighting area to see how Bokuto was doing. One they got there, they found Bokuto almost immediately.

“Hey hey heeyyy!” Bokuto saw Akaashi and Kenma walking in his direction out of the corner of his eye, turning to them and practically yelling, “Akaashi! Kenma! Did you see that!? I disarmed that guy in no time!”

“Yes, Bokuto, we saw. That was very good.” Akaashi said, knowing Kenma didn’t want to respond because there were a lot of people in this area.

“I know!!! It was AWESOME!” Bokuto yelled, sheathing his sword and running over to them.

Kenma looked over Bokuto’s shoulder to see his next opponent, a small grin appearing on his face when he saw who it was.

“Well, Bokuto you might have worse luck this time. Your next opponent is Yaku.” Kenma said quietly, pointing behind Bokuto.

You would’ve sworn Bokuto had seen a ghost when he heard that, his skin loosing most of its color.

“I’ll still beat him!” He said, very unconvincingly, turning to face Yaku.

“Bokuto, you know you won’t beat me.” Yaku said calmly.

“Yes I will! Right guys!?” Bokuto said, looking behind him for the help of Kenma and Akaashi, who both shrugged their shoulders and backed up, not wanting to get involved.

Bokuto waited for a response, but got none, so he turned back to Yaku and unsheathed his sword, signaling that he was ready.  
They only dueled for a couple minutes, and long story short, Bokuto got his ass handed to him on a silver platter.

“Dammit!!” Bokuto yelled, sheathing his sword again, and stepping out of the dueling area.

“Better luck next time, Bokuto” Akaashi said, trying to hide his smile.

“Yeah… Oh well! I’ll beat him next time, I swear! Now! Let’s go see how Kuroo is doing!” He slung his arm over Akaashi’s shoulder, who was still holding Kenma’s hand, and began to drag them towards the one-on-one combat area.

They got there fairly quickly, since it was close to where Bokuto was, and they walked up behind Kuroo, watching him punch his opponent’s lights out.

“Hell yeah! I beat the shit out of that guy!” He said, turning to see his partners watching him.

“Did you guys see that? I punched that guys lights out!” he walked over to them and gave Kenma a light kiss on the cheek.

“Good job Kuroo.” Kenma said.

Kuroo smirked and started unwrapping his hands. “Are you guys ready to head back? I’m getting tired, anyway.” He said, stuffing the wrap into his pocket.

“We can go hang out in the rec room?” Bokuto asked.

“Sounds fun! Let’s do it.” Kuroo said, wrapping an arm around Kenma’s waist, while him and Bokuto lead the way to the building that the rec room was in.

“How was shooting today Kenma? It wasn’t as windy today.” Kuroo asked, looking down at his boyfriend.

“It was fine. Just like it usually is…” He mumbled, not feeling like speaking fully.

“I bet you got all bull’s-eyes.” Kuroo said, sounding proud.

Kenma didn’t reply after that. Not knowing what to say.  
They all walked in comfortable silence towards the recreational building.

Kenma looked around at all the people living their daily lives, cooking, training, creating, talking with friends, etc. He didn’t understand how they all seemed so calm and carefree, when there were hunters in the forest right outside their territory. Kenma’s tail twitched at the thought that they could be ambushed and all killed or tortured at any moment. His mind started imagining seeing all of his friends dead all around him, cold, dead eyes staring up at him.

“Kenma, are you okay?” Kuroo asked quietly, concern evident in his voice.

Kenma didn’t know if he wanted to lie and say he’s fine, or tell the truth and say he feels like he’s suffocating. If he lies, he can go on with his day, without having Kuroo be even more worried about him than he knew he already was. If he told the truth, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi would probably all tell him it’d be okay and snuggle with him until he felt better.  
Kenma realized he’d left Kuroo without an answer for too long.

“I’m fine,” He lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope you liked the chapter, and are liking the fic so far! I'm really happy with how it's turned out so far, also, sorry for the long wait for this chapter! It took me a long time to write it, as I had no idead where this chapter was going at first. Sorry again! Hope you like it! ALSO! if any of you want to follow my tumblr, it's @homicidal-alien and my strictly anime blog is @wizardkenma - Maya
> 
> chapter title song: Control - Halsey
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)


	4. I'll Check In Tomorrow if I Don't Wake Up Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto is introduced further and Oikawa is introduced for the first time plus a hints at backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so I am going to make these beginning notes really short because I don't have much to say other than enjoy and be sure to check out stuff at the end of the chapter. Does anyone actually want a playlist of all the music used for the fic and chapter titles? If you do I'll make one on YouTube I just don't know if anyone would actually listen to it. -GB

                Bokuto remembers waking up in an infirmary after the incident. Everyone refused to address it as anything else but ‘the incident’. He remembers not knowing where he was. He also vaguely remembers being carried into the infirmary. He remembers hands in his hair and rain. Someone crying out. He remembers the weight of his wings. It felt like the weight of them would pull him down into the ground. He remembers a lot of pain. He remembers hands and voices and muttering and crying and then it was black. Next thing he knew he was awake in a place he didn’t remember being before.

                The pain in his stomach was excruciating. Everything ached. His wings twitched under his body. He was laying on his back in, well, not the most comfortable position. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and the red scar and stitches on his stomach were obvious. He tried to turn over onto his side and winced in pain. At this moment Akaashi walked into his room. Akaashi stood awkwardly in the doorway. The look on his face was horrifying. He looked almost dead and the pain in his eyes hurt to look at. Bokuto stared into his eyes. He couldn’t believe it was real.

                Akaashi should have been dead. Everyone was dead, but there he was standing in the doorway. Bokuto squeezed his eyes shut.

“No, no, no, you’re not real.” Bokuto whispered to himself. “You’re dead, you aren’t real.”

 “Bokuto, what are you saying?” Akaashi said stepping closer cautiously.

“Go! Get away from me! You are a ghost! You are DEAD!” Bokuto shouted, convulsing and trying to move away from Akaashi. Akaashi slowly backed away till he was in the doorway and then he bolted down the hall.

Bokuto lie in his bed panicking. The heart rate monitor was beeping out of control. Bokuto tried to slow his breathing, but he couldn’t. He could hear whispers all around him.

“Die, die, die.”

“You don’t deserve to be alive.”

“They are dead.”

“You should have died with them.”

“No, no, no…” Bokuto cried into his pillow. The voices were getting louder. They were the voices of his friends, people who he had vowed to protect. People that were dead now.

“Bokuto, what are you doing?” Bokuto turned and stopped hiding in his pillow. He saw Kuroo looking down at him with a very concerned look in his eyes. Kenma was standing behind him gazing wearily into the room.

“What happened to you man?” Kuroo said.

“Akaashi, everyone, they are all dead.” Bokuto stated plainly.

“Akaashi’s not dead, he’s the one who dragged you in here. You were the one who we thought was dead. You were bleeding everywhere.”

“A-Akaashi’s not dead?”

“No, and he practically hasn’t left your bedside since he brought you here, until he came running to us saying you were awake.”

“Why didn’t he come back with us Kuroo?” Kenma asked, turning to look up at Kuroo.

“I thought he was a ghost.” Bokuto said, the look on his face shocked.

“You what?” Kuroo blurted out.

“Kuroo,” Kenma said walking forward and placing his hand on Kuroo’s arm. “He has trauma, it isn’t that strange.”

“I didn’t know. I have been hearing voices and seeing things since I found everyone. I thought he was a hallucination.” Bokuto put his head in his hands.

“Would you like me to go get him?” Kenma practically whispered, looking over at Bokuto carefully.

“Yes please.” Bokuto whispered. Kenma softly tiptoed out of the room and disappeared down the hall. There was a long silence before anyone said anything else.

“We were all really worried, Bo. Akaashi thought you were going to die.” Kuroo said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please try to be more careful.”

“Did anyone else make it?” Kuroo was about to answer but Akaashi answered for him.

“Konoha made it out with me.” Akaashi said, standing in the doorway. It looked like he had been crying. Bokuto looked down at his sheets to avoid his gaze.

“That’s good,” he mumbled.

“We’ll leave you two alone.” Kuroo said pulling Kenma gently along with him as he left the room. Akaashi moved to the edge of the bed and knelt down, kissing Bokuto’s hand.

“What happened to you?” His whispered into his hand.

“I thought you were all dead.” Bokuto mumbled.

“You didn’t know though. I thought I had lost you when I found you. I thought you were gone.” Bokuto could feel tears on his hand. He pushed himself towards the edge of his bed, the pain was excruciating, he ached and all his muscles felt like he had moved a boulder, but he moved anyway, pulling Akaashi by the back of his shirt. Akaashi complied and climbed onto the bed next to Bokuto. Akaashi buried his face in Bokuto’s neck, his grey and brown wings twitching on his back as he cried. Bokuto pulled one of his white wings over them. He held Akaashi like that until they both fell asleep.

                When Bokuto woke up Akaashi was talking quietly to Konoha. Bokuto stayed silent. He didn’t want them to acknowledge him yet. Akaashi was a generally quiet person but he seemed even more reluctant to talk than usual. Konoha looked up and saw Bokuto staring at them.

“It’s good to have you back.” He said to Bokuto and then nodded awkwardly and left. Akaashi crawled back onto the bed with Bokuto after Konoha was gone.

“Why did you yell at me earlier?”

“I thought you weren’t real.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Things have been weird for a since I got back to Fukurodani. I keep hearing everyone, and I keep seeing them even though they are dead. They keep telling me it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault Bokuto…”

“I should have been there to protect them.” Bokuto began to cry. “I should have helped them…”

“There was nothing you could have done. The person who attacked us was a monster. He was vicious. You would just be dead too.”

“At least then I wouldn’t have this guilt.”

“Don’t ever say that. You are not allowed to leave me. There aren’t very many owls left. I can’t lose any more people. Especially you, Bokuto. Fukurodani wouldn’t want you to have died with the rest of them. Don’t listen to the voices. They aren’t real. Listen to me. I am real. I will always be here with you and so will Kuroo and Kenma. You won’t ever be alone again. You aren’t allowed to leave. You can’t leave us here.”

“This right now is real? You are here, in the bed with me?”

“Yes. It is real and I’m not going anywhere.”

 

__________________________________

 

                Life returned to something that could resemble normality after Bokuto was deemed healthy enough to live life outside of a bed.  He resumed training, and although everyone usually kept their weapons on them, this was something that Bokuto was not allowed to do. Things returned to somewhat normal with Akaashi. They slept in a room that was attached to Kuroo and Kenma’s and life was going okay. They were still with Nekoma and didn’t have any plans to leave soon. There was nowhere else left for them to go, anyway.

Akaashi wasn’t mad at Bokuto for screaming at him thankfully, but the hallucinations and voices continued. Bokuto had a hard time telling what was real and what was in his mind. They had a system now though. Bokuto would ask Akaashi if what was happening was real and Akaashi would tell him. If the hallucination was about Akaashi he would ask Kuroo or Kenma since inevitably they were somewhere near him as well. Akaashi rarely left Bokuto alone for more than a second for the first couple of days after his somewhat recovery. Kuroo and Kenma were always around too, just to be safe.

After a while the visions were less intense but sometimes Bokuto would still find himself hiding in dark places or under the covers to try and hide from his dead friends looming over him telling him it was his fault. In times like these Akaashi would climb over next to him and wrap Bokuto in his wings. They would block out the light and they were warm and soft. When Bokuto was with Akaashi the voices were quieter. He felt safer. He never wanted to feel so lost again as when he had come into his camp to find everyone dead. All his friends gone. But it was like Akaashi had told him, they weren’t all dead, they were still there, they were together. Together they could make it. They were alone together.

                Bokuto was remembering this as he lay in bed with Akaashi. The voices in his head were particularly loud tonight. Bokuto stared at the blank ceiling hoping that they would quiet enough for him to sleep. Akaashi was curled next to him pressing into his side. Akaashi was using his fingers to push all of Bokuto’s hair down onto his forehead. Bokuto had been less consistent about spiking up his hair after the incident and Akaashi loved to run his fingers through it. It did wonders to calm both of them. It was proof they were both there, that they were both real, both alive.

“Akaashi, is this real? Am I really lying in bed with you, our hands clasped together and you cuddling my side?” Bokuto asked, wanting to be sure. He was trying to find a way to calm down enough to fall asleep.

“Yes Bokuto, it's real, this is actually happening, I'm really here.” Akaashi whispered reassuringly, burying his face into Bokuto's neck. Bokuto closed his eyes. Akaashi telling him that it was real was always something that calmed him down, but still not enough to sleep. He turned on his stomach throwing his arm and his wing over Akaashi and started to imagine every single one of his muscles relaxing. His breathing slowed and he slowly fell asleep, turning onto his side, his wing flopping over Akaashi.

 

________________________________

 

                Oikawa sat there staring at the footage. He watched it over, and over, and over again. The room was dark around him. The only light coming from the screen in front of him. He hit replay again. No matter how many times he watched the footage it still didn’t seem real to him, at least not until he left the room. When he left the little watch station’s observation room it became all too real. The emptiness of the world hit Oikawa like a brick to the face. That was why, instead of leaving, he opted to stay inside this room. He would re-watch the footage until it disappeared from reality.

“Oikawa, you should go home.” Kindaichi’s voice echoed in the emptiness of the room.

“I am not done yet.”

“Oikawa-san, you have watched that video enough for one night. The eagles know what you did. If security comes in and finds you here after hours, you might be in even more trouble. Please just, come back tomorrow.”

“Kindaichi didn’t you hear me? I’m not done yet.” Oikawa’s voice not sounding quite right. Kindaichi sighed and shut the door behind him. The room became dark again. Oikawa wasn’t ready to leave yet. He wasn’t ready to admit the truth. He wasn’t sure he ever would be ready. If he would ever be done watching that footage.

                He only watched the footage a few more times, though. Then he left, shutting off the monitors and locking the doors.

‘I can’t spend his whole life watching that footage of course. I have somewhere I need to be and quite a few things I need to do. I can’t waste all my time in that tiny dark room.’ Oikawa thought to himself as a vicious grin crawled across his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked that! If you couldn't tell from the title it was inspired a lot by Alone Together by Fall Out Boy. It was really fun to write from Bokuto's POV and we both have so much planned for Oikawa. If you haven't guessed yet Bokuto is scizophrenic. I am not scizophrenic and I don't mean for this to be offensive in anyway. I did a lot of research to make it as realistic and acurate as possible. Also the new upload schedule is every 2 weeks and I am trying to get it more regular but both me and Maya are busy a lot, sorry. As always I am a-snail-with-no-motivation on tumblr and if you have any questions for me about the fic just send me a message or an ask on there and I will try to answer them as best I can without spoiling anything. -GB


	5. I Am Tired of Letting It All In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of Daisuga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers. There is literally no good excuse for why it took me so long to get this chapter done. It honestly should have been done 3 weeks ago. I am so sorry. Please enjoy this next angsty chapter.  
> \- GB
> 
> Trigger warning: There is a rather vivid description of an anxiety attack.

                He woke up in cold sweat. The nightmare still clinging to his thoughts. In his nightmare he was running, running too slow and screaming but no sound would come out. It was dark and he was speeding through alley ways and around corners but he could still hear the maniacal laugh behind him. He could hear the heavy foot steps behind him. The laughter caught up to him and the man was shaking him by the shoulders. He could hear him shouting his name.

“Suga!” He was shouting louder and shaking harder. “Suga! Suga wake up! It’s just a bad dream.”

It was Daichi, Daichi was the one shaking him. Suga was crying and screaming and Daichi was waking him up and holding him. Whispering in his ear over and over, “It was only a bad dream, only a bad dream…”

 

_______________________________________

 

                Suga always had nightmares. He had gotten used to them over time. He often woke up screaming and then would cry into Daichi’s shoulder. The fear never really went away after the things he has experienced. Today though, today he was feeling extremely anxious. It felt like his skin was itching and every single one of his hairs had a nerve ending. But he pushed through because what else did you do but manage things.

                He woke up and met Asahi for breakfast. They had some of the camp's bread with wild berry jelly and apple slices.

“Suga, are you okay?” Asahi asked him.

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You seem a little more rattled today than usual. Should you maybe stay with Daichi?”

“No Asahi I promise I am good.”

“Okay well we are always here if you need us.”

Suga nodded and finished his breakfast. He was disabled not helpless, and he wasn’t even that disabled. Just at a slight disadvantage really. He could manage almost everything; he just couldn’t fly.

                Suga went about his day normally after that. He did his assigned chores just like everyone else. He washed the clothes out and hung them up to dry. He sharpened tools and then did more laundry. Laundry was a favorite chore of his because it required little speed or agility. He wasn’t to great at speed or agility. Nobody other than Daichi and Suga and a couple people from other camps knew about his disability. He had wanted to keep it on the down low. He didn’t want people to treat him differently because of it. So, he hid it, and so far it had worked great.

                Finally evening came and the sun was turning the sky purple. The way the sky looks before the full sunset but the sun is still very low in the sky. It was at this time he always headed to Kiyoko’s to get his medicine. He may have been able to mostly hide his disability but it still existed and there were certain measures that needed to be taken to prevent it from getting worse. Kiyoko as one of the people who knew. She had been there when it happened and she always knew exactly what to give him to make things a little bit better.

“Hello Suga. Here for the regular pick up?” She asked sweetly as Suga entered the medical cabin.

“Yep, you got it?” He asked jokingly.

“Don’t I always?”

“Fair enough.”

“Need anything else?” The concern in her voice was evident.

“No, why?”

“You just seem uneasy. Sure you don’t want some tea or something?”

“Nah nah, I am honestly good.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow then!”

 

                Suga was getting frustrated with everyone asking if he was okay. Even if he wasn’t, there was nothing they could do anyways. He was never okay but what could you do but push through. He was constantly afraid for all the people in the little camp. The people in Nekoma. The people in Fukurodani. He was never good. Maybe one day, he hoped, he could be okay, but he never thought he would ever be “good” again. He marched off angrily away from the infirmary.

He was walking peacefully until Kageyama leapt down from a branch right in front of him and Suga leapt backwards in shock.

“Kageyama how did you get there?”

“I was out flying and I saw you walking back. I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Go ahead, mind if we walk though? I have to talk to Daichi about some stuff” Suga said as he continued to walk. Kageyama nodded. “What did you want to ask about?” Suga said, curious.

“Well let’s just say, hypothetically, every time you were around Daichi you got this like warm feeling in your chest, what exactly would that be?”

“Kageyama, are you getting a warm feeling in your chest when you are around someone?”

“Well, I mean…” Goodness this kid was trying really hard to be subtle and failing epically.

“You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I keep getting this burning sensation whenever I am around that new boy that stumbled into camp.” Suga giggled. “What’s funny?”

“Oh it’s nothing I just had my suspicions for why you randomly showed up at the infirmary. I know you aren’t very personable Kageyama, so I was curious as to why you decided to show up when you could have just asked someone how Hinata was doing.” Kageyama blushed and Suga tried to hold in more of his laughter. Poor Kageyama.

“So what does it mean Suga? What _is_ the burning feeling?”

“Let’s see, how do I explain this without scaring you?” Suga said quietly trying to figure out how to give this already extremely awkward boy the “sex” talk.

“So, um, you know how some birds mate and they mate for life? Well, crows mate for life.” Suga was trying to be direct but he was afraid he might have scared Kageyama. In reality though, Kageyama was just confused.

“So what does that have to do with the burning feeling in my chest?”

“Oh Kageyama,” Suga giggled into his hand and blushed. “It’s a mating call.” Now Kageyama was getting it, he looked at the ground and mumbled, “Thank you Suga, I have to go now.” He rushed away. Suga the giggled to himself some more. That had been a nice break from the incessant anxiety that had been plaguing him all day but now it was back. Settling comfortably in his chest. He shuffled quickly back to his cabin.

                The cabin was small and on the ground unlike the other cabins in the camp. It actually used to be a shed but when they found Kageyama, Daichi and Suga offered him their cabin. It was perfect since he liked to be so far away from the center of camp. He and Daichi had been staying in the old shed for a while anyways. Inside the cabin there was a bed and baskets for clothes. Hooks on the walls for things like their weapons and keys to other sheds as well as coats and other hang-able things. The bed was small and low to the ground with non-descript grey wool blankets. There were three pillows on the bed as well and a cabinet next to it for certain medicines and things that Suga and Daichi needed as well as drinking water.

                When Suga came into the cabin Daichi was anxiously pacing up and down and his head shot up to the sound of Suga opening the door. Daichi rushed over to him, running his hands up and down Suga’s arms and looking into his eyes. They had no concept of personal space. No mates ever did.

“Why did you leave this morning without telling me?” Daichi asked. His voice was gravelly with concern.

“I needed some space. I wanted out of the room.” Suga sighed, looking away from Daichi’s face. It was true but only partially. He was unstable and he felt like a burden. Everyone always fawning over him, it was suffocating but it was also unfair to them. They didn’t need to constantly worry about him but they always did.

“You seem off today.” Daichi said. There was no pity in his voice, only raw concern. “I just didn’t- I don’t know. You always tell me before you go. It was just weird. I don’t like not knowing where you are, not after- well you know.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I just needed space.” Suga reached out and touched Daichi’s shoulder then laid his head on his chest.

“Did you get what you need from Kiyoko?” 

“Yeah, but can we take a minute first?” Suga looked up at Daichi’s face as Daichi nodded. They walked together onto the bed and Suga pressed himself up against Daichi’s chest. Daichi wrapped his wings around Suga and gently ran his fingers up and down the scars on Suga’s neck and back. They lay like that for about 30 minutes.

“Suga we can’t leave it too long. You know that the shots are supposed to be at a regular time every day and I don’t want your skin and nerves to be even more raw tomorrow. Or for your feathers to crack.” Daichi said, shuffling in a way that forced Suga to sit up. Suga sighed in defeat. He knew Daichi was right but he hated taking his shots and trying to essentially moisturize all of his feathers and skin. Suga was missing the tip of his left wing due to an incident he did not like to remember and the wound that the incident had left was something that needed constant attention. Every day he took shots that helped to balance his hormones which had been damaged as well as applying salves and things on his feathers and the scar so that the skin wouldn’t crack and the feathers wouldn’t break. The shots also helped to reduce some of the raw nerve pain and general soreness. Daichi always helped him as there were several areas on his wings that he couldn’t reach and the shots had to be administered in his back.

                Suga sat down on the stool that they kept near their nightstand specifically for this purpose. It made it easier for Daichi to get to the different supplies as well as it made it easier for him to move his wings. They always started with the shots. He felt the needle slip into his back and then the strange feeling of a foreign liquid in his veins. It sent a shiver down his spine, no matter how many times he did it, the feeling of an injection would always be strange to him. Daichi ran his fingers down the bumps on Suga’s spine while he did it, trying to be as comforting as possible. Then there were 3 more injections in the damaged wing. Those injections were to stimulate blood circulation. In the incident his wing had been severely damaged and he had lost a lot of basic functions in his left side and often times it was numb in places or overly sensitive and sore. The left wing had particularly restricted movement as well and Suga just didn’t have very good motor skills on that side.

                The injection at the bottom wasn’t so bad and neither was the second one but when it came to the one right near his top joint he hissed. That area was always particularly sensitive. Daichi hissed with him and Suga hated it. They were both so connected after years of being together that they often felt for each other. It made every painful feeling doubly painful. Thankfully all the shots were done now. Daichi moved on to the salves and creams. He ran jelly like substance along the scar at the bottom of Suga’s left wing. He then began running his hands across every individual feather with the oil and making sure each feather had a healthy coating. He then ran cream across the scarred skin on Suga’s back and in between and under feathers.

                Normally this would feel good. Maybe not the shots, but the lotions and things always relaxed his muscles and eased some of the soreness that he always had. Today was different though, all day Suga had been on edge and finally he felt himself snap under the intense stimulation. Suga could feel himself slipping. He could feel the shaking in his hands get stronger and more violent. He could hear his breathing quicken. He could feel his shoulder’s shaking. Everything was overly quiet around him but at the same time it was too loud. His heart beat was thunderous and his breathing sounded like the winds of a storm. The shaking in his hands was painfully fast. He wanted to pass out from exhaustion but at the same time the adrenaline kept him aware and awake. He knew what was happening but he couldn’t stop it. It had been building all day. He snapped his eyes shut, trying to ride out the anxiety attack. He could hear things though, things that reminded him of the incident. He wanted to scream and he was going to until he felt Daichi’s hands on his face rubbing soothing circles over his cheeks. When Suga finally calmed down enough to open his eyes he found Daichi’s eyes staring right back into his own. Then Daichi pulled him up off of the stool into a bone crushing hug. He whispered into Suga’s ear, “Shhhh, it’s okay now. We’re okay, you’re okay. It will be okay.” He repeated those things until Suga’s breathing slowed and then he lay them both down on the bed. Suga nuzzled against Daichi until he fell asleep.

 

____________________________________

 

 

                Daichi hated seeing Suga have an anxiety attack. It was part of the reason he had been so antsy that morning when Suga left without saying anything. Daichi knew Suga well enough to know that he was never silent unless something was bothering him, not that he would ever say because he was just like that. Daichi had been completely and uncontrollably anxious all day about it and he hadn’t run into Suga once. He was anxious to the point where other members of the murder had told him to go home and rest. Finally, he just did, and he spent the rest of the evening pacing their cabin with is wings twitching anxiously until Suga walked in. Then commenced his little freaked out rant to Suga. It wasn’t really fair to Suga for Daichi to freak out like that, especially since both of them were extremely freaked out. Daichi would always be protective though, even more so after everything that had happened to them.

                Suga had frequent anxiety attacks so it wasn’t all that surprising to Daichi when he had one that day. There was clearly something going on with him internally that he would never bring up for fear of being a burden. Daichi just hated feeling so helpless. When Suga was having an anxiety attack there was nothing he could do to help him accept be there and wait for it to be over. Daichi hated that he couldn’t be in control, he hated that there was nothing he could do, and more than anything, he felt like it was his fault. If only he had been more aware before and he hadn’t let Suga out of his sight, Suga never would have gotten hurt. It was Daichi’s fault, but looking at it now he knew that no matter how much he blamed himself nothing would change what had happened. The only thing they could do now was move forward.

                Daichi looked down at Suga asleep on his shoulder. It was almost time for dinner and if he didn’t show up then everyone would be worried. He needed to go to dinner, but it didn’t feel like a good idea to leave Suga alone. Very few people knew about what had happened and he didn’t want to make Suga more uncomfortable, but he refused to force him to come to dinner or to leave him home alone in their cabin. Daichi stood up and began pacing trying to come up with a solution. He had a feeling Suga would wake up shortly after dinner but until then he had to have someone there with him. One of the older crows.

                He knew that sometimes Kiyoko didn’t go to dinner and she just ate in the infirmary, so maybe she would be okay with staying with Suga tonight. He left a note on the nightstand in case Suga woke up and flew to the infirmary to ask Kiyoko. He hardly ever flew anymore unless he was in a hurry and he wasn’t with Suga. He still remembered, it was like riding a bike, you could never really forget but it wasn’t something he did much anymore. When he landed in front of the infirmary Kiyoko was already there waiting for him.

“You never fly, why?” Kiyoko asks.

“Suga is in a bad place today. I don’t want to leave him alone, but I have to go to dinner. He would hate even more if people started asking questions, but…” He trails off.

“Ahh, okay. I’ll get a book then we can go.”

                Daichi doesn’t have to say anything else. They walk back to Daichi and Suga’s cabin and when they get back Suga is awake, waiting for them at the door.

“Daichi, can I talk to you inside for a moment?” Suga says.

“Of course.” Daichi looks at Kiyoko, his eyes telling her to stay outside until he says so. She replies with a small nod, understanding. They go inside, Suga gently pulling Daichi by his hand.

“Why is Kiyoko here?” Suga asks, cocking his head.

“To be with you while I’m at dinner.” Daichi said quietly.

“I don’t need that.” Suga said.

“Did you want to go to dinner?”

“No, not particularly.”

“I thought so.”

“I don’t need a baby sitter.” Suga says quietly.

“She’s not here to baby sit you, Suga. I don’t want you to have another anxiety attack and not be able to calm down. You forget that I know you, I saw how you were acting earlier today and then…” Now Daichi was starting to panic.

“Shhh, I know, I know I’m sorry.” Suga said pulling Daichi in his arms and nuzzling into his shoulder. This was backwards, Daichi was supposed to be comforting him not the other way around. “Kiyoko can stay; I just hate feeling so helpless.”

“I know you do, and I hate doing this too but I am just worried. If you want people to not talk about it then we have to hide it and I can’t stay here with you or people will be suspicious. I really just want to protect you.”

“I know, now go to dinner before people start wondering why you’re late.” Suga kissed his cheek as Daichi walked out of the cabin. Daichi thought about Suga and how he wanted to hide what happened from everyone, but they couldn’t hide it forever. Eventually they would either have to tell everyone, or everyone would find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was that. It could have been longer but towards the end I felt like I wasn't keeping them in character as well so I wanted to cut it off. Next time I write from Daichi and Suga's POV I will try to be better. I really struggle with Daichi, I just think he's hard to write. Me and Maya are also starting a YouTube playlist with all the music that goes with this fic which will be posted in the notes as soon as it's done. Also there is not schedule for posting but it will hopefully be more regular now that summer has started and there aren't anymore cons. Song used for this chapter title is Organs by Of Monsters and Men.  
> \- GB


	6. My Past Has Tasted Bitter For Years Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma has a bad time but his boyfriends love him a lot so that helps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER** Hello!! I am so so very sorry it has taken me so extremely long to post this chapter. I meant to finish this weeks ago, but I went through a really bad bit of writer's block and had absolutely no idea what to write. But to make up for the very very long (far too long of a) wait, this chapter is over 5,000 words oml... rip ya'll tbh I cried multiple times while writing this chapter, so I hope you guys enjoy it haha.. see you again at the end of this chapter! - Maya 
> 
> my tumblr(s): wizardkenma (anime), homicidal-alien (main)
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)

Kenma felt suffocated, he felt trapped. He felt like everything was crashing and burning all around him, and he couldn't do anything about it.  
He didn't know why he felt like this. His day had been fine, nothing bad really happened, and he had felt generally okay throughout the day. But then night fell and every single negative thought came crashing down on him all at once. He had been lying in bed with Kuroo when it happened. He was lying there and all of a sudden his breathing stopped, his heart rate sped up and tears made his vision blurry.

  
He didn't know when it’d happened, but he was now sitting on the floor sobbing in a dark corner of a random room far away from the rooms of his partners.  
He didn't know when it started, but he felt that familiar itch deep in his skin that there was only one way to rid himself of. He thought maybe he should go get Kuroo, or Bokuto, or Akaashi, or all three, but he knew he'd just be a burden to them. He wrapped his arms tighter around himself, trying to ignore the constant itching under his flesh, but he knew he wouldn't be able to last long. He tried distracting himself by thinking of all the good times he's had since he got together with Kuroo, Akaashi, and Bokuto, but that only made him cry harder. He didn't know when it started, but his nails were dragging across his arms, leaving bumps and scratches everywhere. When his arms went numb, he pulled up his pants and scratched his legs too, leaving long lines and small bleeding dots everywhere. He tried to stop but he couldn't and suddenly he was standing and scratching his stomach, where the skin was more sensitive and left long bleeding scrapes and red bumps wherever his nails made contact. He didn't know when it happened, but there was suddenly another person running over to him, grabbing his wrists and forcing them away from his stomach. That same person held tightly onto his wrists and pulled him down to where he was sitting in their lap. Kenma finally looked up to see who the other person was, and saw that it was Akaashi. Even in the dim moonlit room, Kenma could still see that Akaashi eyes were filled with tears. When Kenma saw the pain and disappointment in his partner’s eyes, a waterfall started falling from his own eyes and he buried his face in Akaashi's shirt. He felt bad that he was staining the larger man’s shirt with tears, but he couldn't stop them this time. He couldn't stop the stream of tears and he hated it. He hated that he was so weak that he couldn't even stop himself from crying.

He hated himself.

Kenma tried to pull his wrists away from Akaashi's grasp so he could scratch the itch deep within his bones, which had just gotten worse since he’d stopped, but Akaashi had too good of a grip and Kenma couldn't pull away. He wasn't even strong enough to do that. Suddenly, he felt Akaashi's chest start to shake, and he looked up and saw that Akaashi had started crying, too. By the amount of tears and how pained the sobs were, Kenma suspected that Akaashi had been trying not to cry long before he came in here with Kenma. Kenma lightly tried to pull his wrists away, and Akaashi let him. Kenma turned and wrapped his arms tightly around Akaashi's waist, and buried his head in the crook of his neck.

"Akaashi I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Kenma forced out between sobs.

"Kenma... Stop apologizing... please stop apologizing." Kenma could hear how hard Akaashi was trying to keep his composure even as tears streamed down his soft cheeks. Kenma felt sadness and guilt run through his heart like a spear.

He didn't know what to say if he couldn't apologize, so he stayed silent, continuing to let the waterfall of tears slide down his cheeks in a steady stream leading to them dripping off his chin and onto Akaashi's shirt.  
Kenma felt Akaashi carefully move backwards and lean his back against the wall, burying his tear stained face in Kenma's brown and blonde hair.

.........

When Kenma opened his eyes, they burned from the bright light that shone directly on his face, squeezing his eyes closed once more too block out the shining light. He slowly opened his eyes again and saw that the blinding light was the sun shining through the cracked glass windows of the room he found himself laying in. He sat up and when he did he noticed how much his back and neck hurt, his head also aching slightly. He slowly stood up and walked over to the window, pulling the makeshift fabric curtains to lessen the painful brightness of the sun. As he did so, he caught a glimpse of his arm and suddenly he remembered the occurrences of the previous night, his mind filling with guilt. Tears stung his eyes as he sunk to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself tightly, seemingly trying to protect himself from his own emotions.

  
He had promised Kuroo. He had promised him that he wouldn’t do this again. He remembered back to when he still lived in the main city. He remembered all the times he got yelled at and beat up by other kids at school, and abused by teachers just because he had cat ears and tail. He remembered when Kuroo first transferred over and how he immediately and without question protected Kenma from the bullies and teachers, even fighting back sometimes. He remembered both him and Kuroo’s families getting kicked out and them being separated in the process. He remembered when he wanted so much to go back to the main city for only one thing, his old cat plushie that he’d had his entire life, having dropped it while they were being thrown out of the city. He remembered how on the way back, they were attacked by hunters and he was forced to sit helplessly, clutching onto his little cat plushie, and watch his parents be tortured and slowly killed right in front of him. He remembered how his parents tried to protect him from the hunters, trying to block all the punches and kicks that they began to aim at Kenma. He remembered when they finally had some kind of mercy and shot his parents. Finally taking them out of their misery. He remembered the second the hunters had their backs turned, getting up and running away as quickly and quietly as possible. He remembered sitting down as soon as he felt he was far away enough. He remembered all the tears that somehow hadn’t fallen the entire time he was running begin to stream in a hot waterfall down his cheeks. He remembered getting angry at himself for insisting they go back and find his cat plushie, getting angry at the plushie for being such an important thing in his life that he had insisted they go back for it. He remembered throwing the plushie away, then beginning to cry harder, scrambling to grab the plushie back and hug it tightly to his chest. He remembered setting the plushie down and rolling up his sleeves, exposing the bruises that littered his flesh. He remembered beginning to dig his nails deep into his skin, having done this sort of thing before, so he knew how to scratch and make it more painful or relieving. He remembered feeling unworthy of happiness or life, even. He remembered getting up blankly and taking the plushie with him, the tears stopping as he began to walk slowly in some random direction. He remembered blankly staring at the blood running down his arms from the many scratches that he had created. He remembered wanting to die, fuck he remembered that so well.

The feeling of being completely worthless and unneeded, no sign of hope or happiness or… anything. He remembered a figure running up to him, their arms wrapping around his shoulders. He remembered feeling scared, but looking up and seeing that it was Kuroo. He remembered Kuroo being very worried, asking him what happened and pulling him down so they were both sitting, facing each other. He remembered telling Kuroo everything, every thought he had, every word that was said, every drop of blood that fell. He remembered not a single tear falling as he spoke, his breath only hitching when he began to tell Kuroo about him scratching himself again. He remembered Kuroo pulling him into a tight hug. He remembered feeling cold tears drip onto his neck, his arms wrapping around Kuroo’s slightly trembling form. He remembered tears beginning to fall from his own eyes as he felt Kuroo cry into his shoulder. He remembered Kuroo pulling away and staring intensely into Kenma’s shimmering eyes. He remembered Kuroo making him promise to never do this to himself again. He remembered hesitating to answer, but promising after a moment. He remembered still feeling worthless and unworthy of life. He remembered when they first got to Nekoma and how all the faces seemed to hold a sense of understanding. He remembered feeling less worthless as the months went by. He remembered about a year and a half after they got to Nekoma, his want to die slowly fading away too. He remembered how even though he hasn’t been suicidal in a year and a half, Kuroo still always checks up on him, always holds him if he stands particularly close to a long drop, always wary of him. He remembered how after three years, then three years and two, then three months, he hadn’t broken his promise to Kuroo. Until now, that is.

  
He realized that if the sun was already rising, that Kuroo would probably be getting up soon, and if he woke up and didn’t see Kenma still sleeping next to him, he’d know something was wrong, and he was determined not to let Kuroo know this happened, not being able to even imagine Kuroo’s reaction without his eyes filling with tears. He quickly stood up, pulling his sleeves down self consciously as he made his way back to him and Kuroo’s room. As he got to the door into the room, he hesitated, placing his hand on the doorknob, but not turning it. After a minute, he slowly turned the knob and quietly stepped into the room, closing the door softly behind him. He was relieved to find Kuroo still asleep in bed, forgetting for a moment why he was there. He remembered and quickly padded over to their bathroom, closing the door as he stepped onto the cold tile floor. He lit the lantern that sat on a small box next to the sink, lighting up the small bathroom, Kenma looked up at his reflection in the mirror, seeing how obviously not okay he looked. He ignored it and opened one of the drawers and took out the bandage and began to wrap it around one arm, then the other. He finished and pulled his sleeves back down, putting the bandage back into the drawer he had gotten it from, and blew out the small flame that illuminated the small room before opening the door quietly and stepping back onto the wood flooring that covered the majority of the building the Nekoma camp had claimed as their own.

“Kenma..? Why are you awake? And What were you doing in the bathroom..?” Kenma froze in his steps, eyes widening as he heard Kuroo’s voice carry an air of worry with it.

“Oh, I just had to go to the restroom… Sorry for waking you.” He replied, trying to sound as calm and monotone as he usually did.

“Well, okay then… Come back to bed if you’re done.” Kuroo lifted his arm, creating a place for Kenma to lay down.

He walked over to the bed and lay down, facing Kuroo as he knew he liked. Though, as he did so, his sleeves rode up slightly, revealing the bandages hidden underneath. His stomach flipped as he saw Kuroo’s eyes go wide.

“Kenma… What is that..?” Kuroo asked, even though they both knew that he knew exactly what it was.

He didn’t answer. He didn’t utter a word in response, only moving his eyes away from Kuroo’s, unable to work up the courage to look at him.  
Kuroo said nothing more, only moving so he could wrap his arms tightly around Kenma, pulling him close and burying his head in the soft pudding hair.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Kuroo whispered.

“I know I can, Kuroo… I know… I just… I didn’t want you to be angry with me, or hate me, or… or leave me...” He whispered, barely audible. Though Kuroo still heard him, used to his quiet boyfriend.

“I’d never leave you, Kenma… I wouldn’t be able to live without you. Do you understand that? And as for being mad, I promise you I’m not angry. I’m just… I’m worried. I don’t ever want to loose you, Kenma. I would never ever hate you no matter the circumstances so you can get that silly little thought out of your head, okay?” Kuroo wanted to help as best he could, but he wasn’t sure if he was helping at all.

Kenma pulled away from Kuroo’s embrace and sat up, burying his face in his hands, suddenly feeling a rush of anger fill his mind.

“That’s the thing, isn’t it? I can’t just ‘get it out of my head’. It doesn’t work that way, okay? I try and try to make all the voices go away but they just keep coming back and telling me that it’s my fault my parents died… that it’s my fault that I have depression and anxiety and every other fucking thing wrong with my head. They tell me that I don’t deserve the life I have… That I don’t deserve life at all. So that’s the thing, isn’t it?! It doesn’t just ‘go away’ when I want it to, it never goes away! I want it all to just go away. I want it to go away so badly. But it doesn’t work that way… “ By the end Kenma was screaming but somehow whispering at the same time. He no longer knew who or what he was mad it or why he was yelling, and after a minute he quieted down, and the tears overflowed from his eyes, a great waterfall of tears fell, even more than before.  
He felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him and hold him tightly. He could feel how uneven Kuroo’s breaths were, feeling guilty for making Kuroo want to cry. Kuroo pulled away from the hug but kept his hands on Kenma’s shoulders, looking almost angry as he stared at Kenma.

“Kenma, listen to me. You deserve the life you have, you deserve so much more than the life you have. You sure as hell deserve life all together. You are worthy of so much love, and you are definitely worthy of living. You make my life have some kind of meaning to it, fuck, you’ve made my entire life better by just existing, okay?” Kuroo moved his hands so one was tangled in Kenma’s hair and the other rested protectively on his arm. He pulled Kenma close, nuzzling Kenma’s forehead with his nose. “You will get better. You will understand how incredibly deserving you are of life. You will eventually be able to see the beauty that everyone else sees in you. You will throw those shitty voices out of your head. I believe in you. I care about you more than you will ever know and I love you more than I can even put into words.” A few tears fell down Kuroo’s cheeks, unknown to him. Kenma saw the shining droplets and reached a shaky hand to his cheek and wiped them away, leaving his hand there as both of their tears continued to fall.

“I love you too…” Kenma kissed Kuroo’s cheek gently, nuzzling his face against Kuroo’s lovingly. “Why are you so good at this?” Kenma questioned, looking up at Kuroo.

“Good at what?” He asked, looking down at the small pudding head that he loved so dearly.

“At helping me through my shit.” Kenma replied, a small smile appearing on his lips.

“I didn’t think I was that good… But I guess it’s because I know you well enough and I believe that you will beat the ever loving shit out of those fucked up voices in your head.” Kuroo smiled warmly down at the smaller cat, kissing one of his blond tipped ears lightly. Kenma’s shoulders tensed for only a moment before he relaxed into Kuroo’s comforting touch.  
They stayed like that for a long while, the comfortable silence lying around them like a warm blanket.  
Kenma could feel the dark part of his mind try to take over every thought he had, and he tried to push them away, clinging tighter to Kuroo’s back. Kuroo noticed this action immediately, thinking of how to distract Kenma from his thoughts.

“Hey, breakfast will be ready soon. Would you like to go meet Bo and Akaashi there?” Kuroo asked gently, feeling Kenma’s grip loosen slightly.

“I want to see Bokuto and Keiji…” Kenma said quietly, turning his head to the side slightly so he could see Kuroo’s face out of the corner of his eye.

“Are you hungry?” Kuroo looked down at Kenma’s face carefully.

“I don’t know…” Kenma replied, feeling his stomach growl, yet being unsure whether or not he could actually stomach anything.

“Can you try to eat something?” Kuroo heard Kenma’s stomach growl, but knew how he was.

“Maybe…” Kenma looked down, away from Kuroo’s almost prying eyes.

“Well, how about we go down there and you can see if anything looks good to eat.” Kuroo suggested, wanting to try his best to get Kenma to at least eat something.

Kenma hummed quietly in agreement, feeling Kuroo move to get up and followed him slowly. As he got up, he remembered the bandages still wrapped around his arms and puled his sleeves down self-consciously. Kuroo turned around to look at Kenma and noticed the small movement and the look of discomfort on the smaller boy’s face. Kuroo looked around the small room and noticed one of his hoodies. He walked over to it and picked it up, stepping wearily towards Kenma and offering him the jacket.

“Here… Since it’ll be big on you, it’ll be less likely for people to see the bandages.” Kuroo said quietly.

“Thank you…” Kenma mumbled, taking the hoodie from Kuroo’s grip and began to pull up his own shirt, stopping when he remembered the scratches on his torso. He yanked his shirt back down and stood completely still, staring down at the ground. What would Kuroo think if he knew that he had not only scratched up his arms, but had left long bleeding lines on his stomach and chest too? What would Kuroo do if he-

“Kenma..? What’s wrong?” Kenma was forced out of his thoughts by Kuroo’s soft voice, his words filled with a mix of hidden worry and gentle comfort.

Kenma didn’t say anything, he stayed standing with his back to Kuroo, his arms instinctively wrapping around himself.

“Hey hey… It’s okay…” Kuroo quickly stepped around Kenma so they were facing each other, taking Kenma’s hands in his own and bringing them up to his lips, kissing both of his hands softly.

Kenma turned his head to the side, away from Kuroo and took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily.  
“My stomach looks worse…” Kenma said quietly, looking down at his feet.

“What do you mean, Kenma?” Kuroo asked gently, looking down at his small boyfriend.

“I mean that… My stomach is worse than my arms… I scratched it more… There are more scratches that bled on my stomach and chest than there are on my arms… and I don’t want to hurt you if you see it…” Kenma knew his words weren’t coming out how he wanted them to, but there was nothing he could really do at this point.

Kuroo felt his heart catch in his throat and he took a deep breath to calm his quickening heart rate. “Don’t worry about me… I’ll be fine. Change however you feel most comfortable.” Kuroo said gently, pushing back the growing sorrow in his mind.

“Okay…” Kenma mumbled, thinking for a moment before he turned his back to Kuroo. He pulled his shirt up and over his head and tossed it on the bed, pulling Kuroo’s hoodie on and turning back around when he was done.

“Are you ready to go?” Kuroo asked, taking Kenma’s hand in his own.

“I guess…” Kenma said, not ready to be around people, but also ready to see Keiji and Bokuto.

“It’ll be fine. You’ve known most of these people for years; they all care about you and know you well enough to not be too overwhelming for you. You’ll be okay, I promise.” Kuroo said, looking down at Kenma with what he hoped was a comforting look.

“Okay…” Was all Kenma mumbled, knowing he needn’t say anything more.

“Okay, let’s go then!” Kuroo smiled softly, guiding Kenma to the door then stepping out, waiting for Kenma to follow before he shut the door carefully behind them.

Kenma walked beside Kuroo as they walked towards the group eating area. They got there rather quickly, the cafeteria not very far from the dorms. Kenma saw the large group of people gathering around the tables that had various breakfast foods and snacks littering it’s surface, he pressed himself against Kuroo’s side, feeling Kuroo release his hand and snake it around his waist, holding Kenma firmly to his side. They walked over to the tables and each grabbed a plate, Kuroo serving both himself and Kenma some of the various food laid out in front of them, turning around when they were both finished and looking around for Akaashi and Bokuto. Kenma smiled softly when he saw them, nudging Kuroo’s side and nodding in the direction they were in. They hurriedly walked through the maze of various members of the camp making themselves at home on the ground under the large tent that covered the entire cafeteria. They walked past all of that and went over to a tree that was just a bit away from the tent where Akaashi and Bokuto sat eating their food.

“Hey hey hey!” Bokuto said (aka yelled bc c’mon it’s bo) as they walked up, his usual large smile fading slightly when he looked at Kenma.

Kenma sat down quickly and pulled his knees to his chest, feeling his anxiety spike as Bokuto stared at him.

“Bokuto-san, please stop staring at Kenma like that. He had a bit of a rough night.” Kenma felt himself calm slightly when Keiji gently warned Bokuto, his eyes shifting away from the ground to look at Keiji thankfully.

“Ah, sorry!! I didn’t mean to stare… I’m sorry you had a rough night, Kenma.” Bokuto placed a gentle hand on Kenma’s knee, smiling softly. “May I ask what happened?” He said after a moment. Kenma saw Keiji glance at Bokuto with a warning gaze, Bokuto’s eyes widened after a moment when Kenma said nothing. “Ah, you don’t have to tell me if you’d rather not talk about it!” He added quickly, looking at Keiji as if to ask ‘was that okay?’.

“It’s… fine. It’s probably better if I talk about it, anyway… and I don’t want you to feel as though you’re in the dark…” Kenma said quietly, glancing up at Bokuto. “It’s not much of a story, really… all my bad thoughts had just gotten to me… everything I’ve been running from the past couple weeks finally caught up to me and I couldn’t keep it all locked away anymore… so everything just burst out all at once….” He could hear himself getting quitter the longer he spoke but he didn’t bother to try and speak louder, he knew they would all be able to hear him anyway. Kuroo and Keiji didn’t really need to hear him, Kuroo already knew generally what happened and Keiji had been there… shit. Keiji had been there and he had seen him like that and Kenma hadn’t even apologized or anything… he hadn’t seen him all morning so he hadn’t had the time. He has to apologize to Keiji, after breakfast would probably be best…. but what if he wants to talk about what happened? What if he wants to-

“KENMA.” He was pulled out of his thoughts by a loud calling of his name. He looked up, startled at the sudden loudness.

“Sorry… you weren’t replying.” He looked at Bokuto when he spoke, trying to get his heartbeat to slow.

“I’m sorry… I got lost in my head… what’d you say?” Kenma said quietly, feeling guilty for not hearing Bokuto.

“It’s alright! I just said, I’m sorry your bad thoughts caught up to you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for you… But I guess sometimes it’s okay for you to fight some of your own battles, though I still hope I can help you more in the future…” Bokuto said, placing both of his hands on Kenma’s shoulders.

Kenma sat still for a moment, letting what Bokuto had said sink in as he stared back at those always bright golden eyes. He launched himself forward after a moment, pulling the black and white haired boy into a tight hug. He felt two strong arms wrap around him, grounding his mind as they hugged. Kenma buried his face in the larger boy’s neck, taking a deep breath before he spoke. “I’m so glad I started dating you…” He whispered, smiling slightly.

“I’m glad I started dating you too, I think we all are.” Bokuto whispered back, pulling away from the hug slightly and taking Kenma’s face in his hands, kissing his cheeks softly.

“I love you all a lot…” Kenma said, looking at the three people sitting around him, his three boyfriends.

“We all love you a lot too.” Keiji replies, smiling a soft smile that only a select few people ever really got to see.

“Okay!! Now that that’s all said and good, we should eat!! You two haven’t even started eating.” Bokuto said, his regular excitement returning. Kuroo nodded in response and slid Kenma’s plate towards him. Bokuto turned Kenma around in his lap so that Kenma’s back was flush against Bokuto’s large chest.

When hey had all finished eating and taken their dishes back to where they belonged, Bokuto had suggested they go watch some of the practice matches between the swordsmen. They had all agreed, but Kenma asked if he and Keiji could have a moment to speak, and that they would meet Bokuto and Kuroo there. Bokuto and Kuroo didn’t care, yelling agreement as they ran off, excited to see how the matches went, Keiji and Kenma found a place to speak in at least semi-privacy. They ended up finding a nice tree behind the weaponry and dubbed that their speaking place.

“What did you want to-“

“I’m sorry you had to see me as I was last night… I’m sorry you had to find me like that… I’m sorry if I hurt you…” Keiji was cut off by the quiet yet seemingly loud voice of the small cat boy who stood in front of him, staring at the ground so intensely it almost seemed as though he was trying to burn a hole into it.

“Kenma it’s-“

“I’m sorry for falling asleep on you too… I’m sorry for being me in front of you… Everyone hates that side of me… I’m sorry you had to see it…” Keiji was cut off yet again by Kenma, his words making Keiji angry now.

“Ken-“

“I’m just… I’m sor-“

“Kenma please let me speak.” This time it was Keiji who cut Kenma off, his words sounding firmer than he had intended.  
Kenma looked up, surprised by the sudden firmness of Keiji’s voice.

“Kenma, you don’t need to apologize for anything. Especially for having me see that side of you. That side of you is part of who you are, it is part of you. I love you. All of you. Even that side of you. You are amazing and unique and absolutely beautiful; even if you don’t agree with me, know that I believe that. Kuroo and Bokuto believe it too, I promise you. Also, I know it’s an addiction, I know it’s incredibly difficult to stop… But you needn’t hurt your beautiful skin. Whether it’s because you feel as though you need to punish yourself, or because you feel so incredibly numb and that it is the only way you can find to actually truly feel something, or it’s just some kind of pain that distracts you from the pounding of terrible thoughts in your head. No matter if it’s one of those, a mismatched blur of a couple, or all the above… your skin… you… do not deserve that kind of pain. If you need to take your pain out on something, punch something, tear something, break something… do anything that doesn’t involve hurting yourself or others… Please… I love you, and I always will love you, but it hurts me to see you put yourself in that kind of pain… please don’t feel guilty for putting me in pain, though. I promise it’s not your fault. I love you so so much, okay?” Keiji finally stopped talking, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He opened them after a moment when he felt the tears that had pooled at the base of his vision disappear, his eyes then finding there way to the intense gold universes staring back at him. The gold blurred as Keiji noticed the tears that had began their journey down the small cat’s cheeks to then meet their end when falling from his chin.

Keiji stepped forward and pulled Kenma into a tight embrace, Kenma’s arms wrapping around his waist and squeezing him just as tight. The hug seemed to keep the two sane, seemed to chase away the dark thoughts, even if just for a little while.  
They hugged for a long while before they both slowly pulled away. They both stared at each other without a sound for a moment before they made a silent agreement that they had left Kuroo and Bokuto waiting for far too long. They linked hands and began to walk towards the training area.  
“I love you too…” Kenma said after a moment of walking, lacing their fingers together as he spoke.  
Keiji squeezed Kenma’s hand gently, a soft smile creeping onto his usually monotone features.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... what'd ya think? was it good? heart wrenching? did I make you cry? I hope you answered yes to all the above!! No but seriously, this chapter was incredibly important for me to write, some of the contents are really important and personal to me, and writing this helped me get through some shit, but yeah!! see you next time :-) - Maya
> 
> Chapter title song: I'll Be Good - Jaymes Young
> 
> my tumblr(s): wizardkenma (anime), homicidal-alien (main)
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)


	7. I Am Weak and Therefore Fold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiji is having a time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay yes hello I am so so so sorry that it took us 4 months to get a new chapter out! that is all 100% my fault. I've been in a shitty mental state recently so just be warned the last half of this chapter is REALLY VENTY-Y, but i have no more excuses. I hope you like this chapter - Maya
> 
> my tumblr(s): wizardkenma (anime), homicidal-alien (main)
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)

Keiji didn’t want to open his eyes. He had only woken up moments ago and he could already feel the crippling self-hatred begin to seep into his mind once more. He didn’t want to open his eyes, because he knew it’d just get worse the longer his conscious mind was able to work it’s black magic on his thoughts.

Keiji took a deep breath and rolled over, flopping his arm to the side, expecting it to fall onto his black and white haired boyfriend. His arm landed with a quiet thump onto the mattress. He felt around, his hand looking for the other owl’s hand, so their fingers could intertwine together, but he found nothing. His eyes flew open and he looked at the bed, then around the room, not seeing any sign of Bokuto.

“Bokuto?” Keiji called out, worry beginning to claim every thought in his mind as it’s own.

Keiji tossed the covers to the side, scrambling out of bed. He looked around the room once more before stepping into the bathroom. He looked inside, even checked in the bathtub, almost hoping to find Bokuto crouched there, but he found nothing.

'Where did he go, where did he go, where did he go, where did he go, where did he go, where did he go...

'Is he okay is he okay? Is he okay is he okay? Is he okay is he okay?

'Is he safe? Is he safe? Is he safe? Is he safe? Is he safe? Is he safe?'

The thrum of his heartbeat in his ears somehow wasn't louder than the hectic thoughts he was screaming in his mind. Though it was still loud. He continued to check every inch of their shared room. Eventually after checking and re-checking everything he found himself crying. Akashi panicked and hid in the corner of the room newt to their bed, that being his usual crying spot. He pulled his wings close to his body, trembling, and cried harder.

'I can’t lose him, jesus, I can’t lose him, I can’t live without him. Why would he have gone out this early? The sun has barely come up, why would he be out? He’s usually sleeping, is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay, he has to be okay. What if he’s dead? What if he’s been stabbed a-'

“Akaashi? Akaashi are you in here? I went to make you some tea because your voice sounded a bit raspy last night, but you seemed so peaceful while sleeping so I didn’t want to wake you.”

'Bokuto. He’s okay he’s okay he’s okay.'

“Oh, hey there you are! Wait, Akaashi, are you crying? Oh my god, why are you crying are you okay?” Bokuto set down the mug of tea and ran over to Keiji, his strong arms wrapping tightly around him.

“You’re okay… Thank god you’re okay.” Keiji wrapped his arms around Bokuto just as tight, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m sorry I scared you, I just wanted to wake you up to something nice, but I’m here now, okay? I’m okay. I’m alive and I’m right here next to you. I will never ever leave you. I love you, okay?” Bokuto whispered, rubbing circles on Keiji’s back soothingly.

“I love you too, Bokuto…” Keiji whispered back, his tears beginning to slow.

He really truly loved all of his boyfriends more than he could express, but Bokuto had always had a special place in his heart. He’d been dating Bokuto for at least a year before they started dating Kuroo and Kenma as well. He did love Kuroo and Kenma, but no feelings he had could ever add up to the love he felt for Bokuto, and he imagined it was the same way for Bokuto towards Keiji, and Kenma and Kuroo towards each other.  
Keiji was honestly so happy he had started dating all of them. He has been so happy in the time spent with Bokuto, Kenma and Kuroo.

Keiji was brought out of his thought by the feeling of lips pressing softly against his cheek. He looked over at Bokuto and smiled weakly, his heart warming when he saw the slightest blush on the larger owl’s cheeks.

“Hey..! Do you still want your tea, or?” Bokuto asked quietly. Keiji remembered the reason Bokuto had been away and looked over at the mug, steam still slightly visible.

“Of course I still want my tea. You made it.” Keiji smiled up at him. Keiji pushed Bokuto back slightly so he could easily untangle himself from the other.

Keiji got up and walked over to grab the mug of tea, not even flinching when he grabbed it and it burned the inside of his hand. Though, he could see Bokuto flinch out of the corner of his eye when he saw Keiji grab the too-hot mug.

'Fuck why did I do that when he’s right there? God, I’m such a fuck up why did I do that? I’m so stupid.'

Keiji quickly turned around and smiled lightly at Bokuto, hoping to distract him from having seen Keiji do what he did.

'God I shouldn’t have done that with him right there fuck.'

He started walking towards Bokuto, acting like nothing had happened in the hopes that Bokuto wouldn’t bring it up. Keiji walked over and sat back down next to Bokuto, and thankfully he did not bring up the incident. Though, he did quickly take the mug from Akaashi, wincing at the heat, placing it on the bedside table to cool down before he would let Keiji drink it.

Akaashi scoot down slightly to where he was slumping more, and leaned his head against Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto draped one large white wing over Akaashi's shoulders and pulled him even closer against his body, wrapping an arm around Keiji’s waist. He smiled when Bokuto silently rested his head atop his own.

“You know I love you, right?” Bokuto said, seemingly out of the blue.

“I do. I love you just as much.” Keiji replied, his eyes drifting up so he could just barely see Bokuto’s face out of the corner of his eye.

“You know I don’t like seeing you hurt, right?” Bokuto glanced down at the sharp grey eyes that, to his surprise, were already on him.

Keiji didn’t know what to say to that. Yes, of course he knew Bokuto didn’t like seeing him hurt. But he had a feeling that if he said he knew that, Bokuto may try to convince him to make a promise that Keiji knew he couldn’t keep.

“I’m sorry…” Is all he said.

He could see Bokuto look down at him, his face holding an expression that not many were truly able to see. Bokuto leaned down and kissed Keiji’s cheek, the taste of salt from tears that had began to unknowingly slide down Keiji’s cheeks making Bokuto’s lips taste of the sea. Keiji quickly reached up and covered his face with his hands, wiping the tears away angrily. He knew he was hurting Bokuto more by crying in front of him for the second time that morning, and he hated it. He hated crying in front of people because he knew he was just going to hurt them with his tears. God,

'I'm so fucking stupid and weak. I'm so weak I can’t even keep my shitty emotions to myself. I have to let them seep into others and hurt them too.'

“Hey, look at me.” Bokuto took Keiji’s hands away from his cheeks, his nails leaving small crescents on the soft skin of his face. He took Keiji’s face in his own hands and forced Keiji’s eyes to look directly into his bright golden ones. “Stop thinking for one second, okay? I can see that whatever is going through your mind is hurting you, and I’m not okay with that. I want to do anything I can to make those shitty, hurtful thoughts stop attacking you. I hate seeing you in pain, and that has seemed to be far more often lately. I’m sorry if I’m causing any of it. I’m sorry if I worried you this morning by leaving without telling you. I’m sorry. I know I’m a lot of trouble and god, you’ve saved my life in more ways than one. I don’t even know where I’d be without you, probably dead. You’re amazing and so incredibly smart and I love you more than you will ever know. You don’t deserve any pain, whether mental or physical. I’m always here for you, okay?” Keiji could see the tears welling up in Bokuto’s eyes as he was talking and felt his own tears become heavier as well.

All Keiji could think to do was wrap his arms tightly around Kou’s neck, his hands finding a nice resting place in the not yet spiked hair on the other owl’s head.

'God how did I manage to fuck up this much and it’s still only morning. I’ve even managed to make Bokuto cry, how stupid am I to make my own boyfriend cry?'

“Hey, how about we go see if we can find Kuroo and Kenma..? That might make you feel a bit better.” Kou suggested after a moment, wiping his own tears away.  
Keiji cleared his throat before he replied, trying to make his voice sound as level as possible.

“Yeah, that sounds nice...” Keiji’s voice sounded smoother than he had expected, that’s good.

“Okay! You can get ready while I make the bed and then we can go. How does that sound?” Bokuto’s usual excitement had mostly returned, much to Keiji’s relief.

“That sounds great, Kou.” Keiji said, smiling softly up at his boyfriend, who had already stood up and had started making the bed.

Keiji stood up, placing a gentle kiss on the back of Bokuto’s neck before walking towards the bathroom. He stepped into the small room and lit the small candle that sat on the corner of the counter. The small flame illuminated the room enough for Keiji to see the tear stains that ran down his cheeks in the mirror that sat in front of him. He quickly started to wipe harshly at his face, leaving bits of redness where he had rubbed at his skin. When Keiji felt that he had wiped away the tears as best he could, he turned on the small sink and splashed water on his face, taking a deep breath. When he was done, he looked at himself in the mirror one last time before he blew out the candle and left the small bathroom.

“Hey hey! Are you ready?” Bokuto asked when he saw Keiji, the larger owl having made himself a blanket nest on the bed. He was sitting up right in it, wings all puffed out and fluffy.

“I thought you were going to make the bed, not make it messier.” Akaashi pointed out, a small smile creeping up his lips.

“I was going to! But then I thought, why make it nice and tidy when we’re just going to sleep in it and make it all messy again anyway? So instead of cleaning it, I made a little nest! Anyways, are you ready to go?” Bokuto explained, jumping up with a flap from his wings as he asked his last question.

“Ah, I see.” Keiji let out a small laugh. “And yes, I am ready.” He finished.

Bokuto got up and walked over to Akaashi, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. They walked to the door and went outside, closing the door behind them before they started to walk down the long hallway to the stairwell.

Akaashi felt one of Bokuto’s wings wrap around his shoulders, the warmth causing a shiver to run down his spine. He glanced up at Kou and saw that a small smile lay across his lips. Seeing that caused a smile to appear on Akaashi’s face as well, the dark cloud in his mind clearing for a moment as he stared up at his amazing boyfriend. Keiji squeezed Kou’s hand gently, feeling the gesture being returned almost immediately after.

Keiji had never been very good with words, though he wasn’t quite as bad as Kenma. He always hoped that instead of having to say what he was thinking or feeling, he could show it through small gestures and acts. That’s how Keiji had always shown affection and he was so incredibly thankful to all of his boyfriends for understanding that and knowing what he was unable to say aloud.

As they walked both Keiji and Kou silently agreed to first check Kuroo and Kenma’s room to see if they were there. They stepped up the few stairs that led to the upper floor of the building that held all of the dorms and quickly got to the floor that Kuroo and Kenma’s room was on.

Kou was the one to quietly knock on the door, both Keiji and him standing in front of it expectantly. They heard some small noises and shuffling before the door creaked open slowly, a set of brown and gold eyes looked down at them through black hair. They saw a smile appear on the lips of the larger cat, his ears flicking excitedly.

“Akaashi and Kou! Hey there. Come in, but please be quiet. Kenma isn’t feeling too good, so he’s asleep on the bed.” Kuroo said as he opened the door wider, letting the two owls into their small room.

When they walked into the room, they heard Kuroo quietly shut the door behind them. Kuroo stepped passed Keiji and Bokuto and carefully sat down on the bed, where they could just barely see the top of Kenma’s ears peaking out above the blankets he had presumably wrapped himself in. Keiji and Bokuto sat on the floor next to the bed, Bokuto wrapping his arm loosely around Keiji’s waist.

Keiji saw Kuroo’s eyes flick back and forth between the two, then it seemed as though a look of realization flashed across his features. Kuroo leaned down and placed a careful hand on Keiji’s knee, his thumb gently rubbing at a spot there.

Keiji saw Bokuto smile softly up at Kuroo out of the corner of his eye, the tenseness that he hadn’t noticed was there before went partly away. His nerves calmed slightly as they all sat there silently, the only sound coming from small breathes floating around the room.

 

.........

 

After a while of quiet sitting and silent agreements of relaxation, they all heard a small mumble. Kuroo turned to look at the small lump under the covers, laying his hand over what was presumably Kenma’s head.

“Hello kitten. Are you feeling up to talking?” Kuroo asked gently.

Keiji admired the softness of his voice.

A small groan then mumble too quiet for either Keiji or Bokuto to hear, but perfect for Kuroo’s cat ears came from under the blanket pile.  
Shuffles and wriggling were heard and seen until Kenma’s head poked out from under the covers, his small figure following as he sat up and immediately leaned against Kuroo.

Even from the floor, Keiji couldn’t manage to miss seeing the dark circles under Kenma’s eyes, as well as his red eyes and cheeks. Keiji silently moved his hand to rest the back of it against Kenma’s thigh, Kenma silently placing his hand on top of Keiji’s own.

Bokuto leaned forward slightly, resting his head against Kenma’s knees gently. Kenma’s face slowly began to look less solemn.

 

.........

 

They sat like that for what felt like hours, waiting for Kenma’s features to be less stiff and more comfortable.

When they finally reached that point, they agreed to try and go out and walk to the courtyard so they could all get some fresh air.

They sat and waited a moment to let Kenma decide if he had the energy to get changed or not. After a few seconds of contemplation, he decided he’d be fine going out in what he already had on.

They all stood, making their way to the door as they left the small dorm.  
Walking out of the large building of dorms and to the courtyard didn’t take too long, before Keiji was able to comprehend much, they were already sitting under a tree in the grass that covered almost every inch of their camp.

Keiji heard Kuroo and Bokuto start talking in their usual excited way, though their voices sounded like Keiji was underwater.

How could Keiji let Bokuto see him being stupid and self-destructive? God, he’s so stupid to let anyone else see. Why the fuck didn’t he think at all before doing something so stupid. He hurt Bokuto, that’s not okay. He doesn’t deserve to have such a ray of sunshine as a boyfriend, he’s only a piece of fucking trash. Fuck, he should just go die so he’d stop hurting everyone. But dying would just hurt them more, wouldn’t it? There’s no right fucking answer is there? There’s no escape from this goddamned shadow in his mind. Keiji hated it, he hated it so fucking much.

“Keiji…” A small voice cut through the shadows. Keiji felt a hand being placed over his hands, having not realized he was wringing them harshly.

He looked up to the owner of the quiet voice, his eyes meeting sharp golden ones that were trained on him.

“Can we go talk..?” Kenma asked quietly, his ears flat and out to the sides on his head, his eyes flicking down to his own hand that was currently keeping Keiji from wringing his own any more, before flicking back up to Keiji. Kenma's tail twitched anxiously as he waited for Keiji's reply.

“Sure.” Keiji answered flatly, not wanting to let any more emotion show so obviously.

Both Kenma and Keiji stood up and began to walk towards the weaponry, knowing they’d be alone if they went behind the large building. Neither of them said a word to Bokuto or Kuroo, knowing that they’d know what they were doing later.

They walked in silence for the time that it took them to walk behind the weaponry. Once they go there, they both leaned against the back wall, staying silent for a small bit longer.

“What happened?” Kenma’s small voice broke the silence first.

“Kenma…”

“Bokuto saw you do something hurtful to yourself, didn’t he?” Keiji could feel Kenma’s sharp stare on the side of his cheek, almost physically flinching from the sensation.

Keiji stayed silent.

“I’m sorry…” Kenma said quietly.

“I hurt him. I know I did. He says it’s okay but it’s not, it’s not fucking okay, Kenma.” Keiji said angrily.

“He just cares.” Kenma said flatly, his usual monotone voice returning.

“That’s the problem, though. Why does he care about me? He’s so amazing; he’s absolutely fucking incredible. And what am I? Nothing. He shouldn’t care so much about someone like me, but he does. I hate it, but I love him and I don’t know what to do.”

Keiji felt a small hand touch his cheek, thin fingers wiping away tears he hadn’t realized were falling.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I wish I could come up with something better to say…” Kenma’s voice held a slight bit of emotion that Keiji couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“It’s okay.” Keiji said quietly. “I’ll be fine.”

Kenma wrapped his arms around Keij’s waist gently, taking the fabric of Keiji shirt in his hands.  
Keiji knew this was Kenma’s way of expressing what he felt without having to use words of any kind, and Keiji couldn’t be more grateful. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, burying his face between his ears in his soft pudding hair.

They stood like that longer than one would normally find necessary. Eventually though, they did pull away and silently agreed that they’d stayed away from their energetic boyfriends for far too long.

Keiji turned and began to walk away but felt a small hand take his own and pull on it softly. Keiji turned just enough to feel Kenma’s own lips brush against Keiji’s softly. After their lips left each other once again, Keiji smiled softly down at Kenma, who had a light shade of pink creeping across his cheeks.

“You’re a really good boyfriend, you know.” Keiji said matter-of-factly.

“You’re better.” Kenma mumbled back.

 

.........

 

Oikawa had spent a great deal of time trying to decide how he was going to deal with his problem. If he was too blunt he wouldn't be able to finish it his way, but if he was too sneaky he might miss out on the fun all together. He figured the best way was to use his own people. People he new he could trust.

Yahaba was pretty trustworthy, plus with Kyoutani at his side he was pretty safe doing this kind of solo job.

"Yes, that's a good plan, I'll use Yahaba. He's the only one who can control that monster and that monster will get a good head start on something I fully intend to finish. I will have my revenge, this is perfect... "

Oikawa picked up the intercom in his office.

"Hana, please send Yahaba over, I have an assignment for him and Kyoutani."

"Of course sir. I'll send Runa to get him right now. " Hana answered.

In fifteen minutes Yahaba walked through the door Kyoutani trained behind him, and glaring.

Oikawa put his hands on his hips, a maniacle grip on his face, " Yahaba, I need you to do something for me... "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, I'm sorry if that didn't live up to your expectations! I tried my very best. just a lil fyi, GB wrote the Oikawa tid bit at the end (GB will write all the Oikawa bits included in the fic btw), so all credits to her for that amazing lil thing!! We will try to update more regularly, okay? i love you all, see you next time - Maya
> 
> chapter title song: Small Hands - Keaton Henson
> 
> my tumblr(s): wizardkenma (anime), homicidal-alien (main)
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)


	8. Too Fragile Just To Guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata realizes he might have feelings for Kageyama? But what to do about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh another update? So soon? Yes yes hi! I am back for the next 2 and 1/2 chapters. Please enjoy this minimal angst chapter kind of short chapter. I am really quite happy with it.
> 
> -GB

               Hinata had grown pretty comfortable in his new home. He started getting to know his new family. Suga and Daichi were like the parents of the group, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi the rebellious teens. Yachi was still treated like the baby and everyone was super protective of her. Kiyoko was odd, she seemed particularly attached to Yachi and they were almost inseparable. Asahi and Noya were definitely a couple, even though they tried to act like they weren’t together. Everyone was exceptionally accepting and loving towards Hinata. He finally felt like he had a home. 

                In his time living with Kageyama he had continued his flight lessons. He was a fairly impressive flier now as well. Right up there with Noya and Kageyama. Noya was the fastest, but Kageyama was the most agile. Hinata loved flying, it was exhilarating and beautiful. It let him see the world from a completely new and gentle perspective. He could see the beauty and life in the world instead of the hate and negativity. It was like looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. 

                As much as Hinata loved flying he didn’t think anyone could love flying as much Kageyama. Kageyama became a completely different person in the air. He no longer scowled and grimaced. He looked at peace and there was a certain light in his eyes that you weren’t able to see at any other time. Hinata often wondered what had happened to Kageyama to make him so angry all the time. It didn’t seem like he was genuinely an angry person. More than anything he seemed extremely awkward. He was quiet most of the time and from what Hinata had seen, he generally avoided everyone. Hinata didn’t let him though; he was determined to learn more about the elusive Kageyama. 

                They were in the field one day practicing flight tricks when Hinata did a barrel roll and then a summersault and landed perfectly upright. 

“What did you think of that Kageyama? Impressive right?” Kageyama landed and looked bashfully at the ground mumbling something.

“I’m sorry can you say that louder? I didn’t hear you.” Hinata said.

“Ah nife, nuff, nice…” Kageyama said, still quietly. Hinata walked over and stood right under Kageyama’s nose. 

“You are really awkward for such a scary person Bakageyama.”

“You are really annoying for someone so small boke, Hinata,” Kageyama scowled. 

“Funny thing but I’ve been here for quite some time now, I live with you and I still don’t know your given name.”

“It’s Tobio, Kageyama Tobio.” 

“Aww Tobio, that’s a cute name, I like it. Mine’s Shouyou.” Hinata giggled. Then he said, “C’mon Asahi’s going to have our butts if we’re late for dinner prep again.” And he grabbed Kageyama by the wrist and dragged him into the air.

                Asahi, being a busy person, but mostly because he was dragged by Nishinoya, left them mostly alone during dinner prep. Hinata spent a lot of time looking at Kageyama’s eyes. He noticed how his eyes were kind of a strange color. At first glance one might think they were black, but in actuality they were navy blue. Hinata, who had grown up mostly wandering the woods and the undesirable areas of the city had never had the time or desire to look at someone’s eyes. It was nevertheless a weird sensation to stare at someone, especially when it wasn’t accompanied by the threat of death. Hinata noticed he liked to stare at Kageyama and his eyes were a very nice color. 

                Hinata spent almost all of dinner staring at Kageyama too, and occasionally he would notice Kageyama staring back. At one point, they both just looked at each other for what felt like forever until Noya said something that called Hinata back to the conversation. At one point during the meal Hinata reached for the salt at the same time as Kageyama and their hands brushed. It felt like an electric spark. Warm and tingly and nice. Hinata could get addicted to that feeling. Was it because he had brushed hands with Kageyama? Had they never touched each other before? Then he remembers…

                Kageyama caught him when he had stumbled into Karasuno on the verge of starvation. He didn’t remember that feeling when they touched, or did he? Maybe that’s why he pulled through even though everyone had been so worried he was going to die. Maybe, just maybe, Kageyama was some kind of lifeline for Hinata. Was that a thing? All Hinata knew was that he wanted to be close to Kageyama now, more so than ever before. It was strange. How had he not noticed this strong desire sooner…

 

                                                               

                                                                                                        __________________________________

 

 

                Their lives continued regularly for a couple days. Every day Hinata found an excuse to be closer to Kageyama. Eventually, he was just barging into Kageyama’s room at random times claiming it was so he could use his mirror. He did love the mirror but that wasn’t really why he kept barging in. One night he had walking in while Kageyama was completely asleep. He looked down at his face, so peaceful in sleep. Hinata stroked his thumb across Kageyama’s cheekbone and upper lip. The burning he felt whenever he touched Kageyama was no longer confined to simple touches; it burned everywhere in his chest and sometimes, like right now. He had a feeling what the burning was, and he was going to ask Suga tomorrow.

“Suga,” Hinata began after breakfast. “What does it mean to mate? I hear Noya and Yamaguchi talking about it sometimes. I am curious.”

“Well first off, we mate because we are crows but other animal people don’t, so it’s really something very specific to crows. There are a lot of things about mating. It is kind of like a soul mate, and you are bound to that person for life. It is a very powerful and sometimes scary thing. I think, like a soul mate, where you care more about the other person than yourself and you would do anything to protect them.”

“But what are the specifics of it? How do you know who your mate is? And how is it finalized?” 

“Oh um, gosh Hinata, I’m not really sure I want to go into the specifics of this with you… Let’s see, usually you can tell who your mate is because you are drawn to them, sometimes it’s a feeling or in some ways an obsession with the person. You don’t even have to consummate the relationship to be mated. In some ways it is more of a commitment than anything else. Asahi and Noya are paired and essentially mated but they haven’t consummated it yet. You can tell when a ‘pairing’ has been consummated because the tip of one’s wings will turn blue.”

“Ahhhh woah, so Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are mated? Weird, Tsukishima didn’t seem like the type to me.”

“Ha, no, that is an interesting story.” Suga giggled thinking about Tsukki’s background and honestly quite complicated history.

“So Suga-san, how do you consummate a pairing?”

“Goodness Hinata, all about the details aren’t we? Do you have some plans or something?”

“Ah no no no no, I’m just curious honestly.”

“Okay well… You consummate a pairing by committing and intimate act. Now if you don’t mind, I have some laundry to do, I’ll talk to you later.” Suga said and walked away with a sly grin on his face. “Oh, and if you do find out who your mate is,” Suga said turning back to Hinata, “I recommend acting on that knowledge, life doesn’t wait, and separation or ignorance can hurt more in the long run.” Then Suga was gone.

                There it was, Hinata knew now. Kageyama was his mate. What was he going to do about it? The thought of being rejected by his other half was unbearable. But he was thinking about what Suga said, would it be worth it to ignore the feelings for fear of rejection? He loved the burning. It was proof of how much he needed Kageyama, and how they would always be a pair, but what would happen if the feelings weren’t reciprocated? Hinata had a feeling that that would be the worst kind of torture. He couldn’t even imagine the pain he would feel if that happened. But, Hinata was a determined and adventurous person, he would tell Kageyama his feelings. Tonight, he would tell him in their flying field. 

                

                                                               

                                                                                                       _____________________________________

 

 

                Hinata got back to their perch after finishing his chores for the day and began searching for Kageyama. Their perch was pretty small. It consisted of a front porch barely wide enough for two people to stand on, a small entryway with shoes and coats and other things. Connected to the entryway was a small square room that was more like a hallway, but could be used as a shared living space for small people, like kids. Off of the hallway were two doors; to the left was Hinata’s room, which was significantly smaller than Kageyama’s. Not that that mattered since there was nothing really in it. To the right was Kageyama’s room, which was the biggest part of the little perch. There was also a small back porch. Hinata scoured their small home in a matter of minutes and found Kageyama on their miniscule back porch. 

“Hey,” Hinata said quietly, trying not to startle Kageyama who looked deep in thought. He jumped a little but said nothing.

“Wanna go flying with me in the field? You look like something’s bothering you… Maybe flying will take your mind off of it.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll race you there.” Hinata said and then bolted off of the porch towards their field. 

“Oh no you don’t,” Kageyama growled.

                When they reached the field they were both out of breath and laughing. It was sunset now and the sky was painted red and violet. Hinata loved the way the light cast shadows on Kageyama’s face and made his eyes look like sapphires.

“Hey Tobio, I have something I want to tell you.” Hinata couldn’t look him in the eyes for fear his courage would desert him. 

“I-“ He was about to confess his theory about them being mates when Yachi ran into the field. The look on her face was terror and fear, which was frequent with her but this was different, she looked deathly afraid. 

“It’s Noya-san,” She said, out of breath. “Tanaka just brought him back to the infirmary, he’s injured.” They both took off at full speed towards the infirmary, leaving Yachi in the dust. 

 

                                                               

                                                                                                            ____________________________________

 

 

                Hinata and Kageyama rushed to the infirmary. There was an attack, they heard from Daichi on their way in. Hinata, based on what he had seen from Yachi, was expecting blood and possibly a dead body and is a little surprised when all it is, is Noya-san, sitting on one of the beds bragging about how he survived falling out of a tree. Kiyoko rolled her eyes and went to explain the damage to Daichi. There is an aura of discomfort and anxiety over the whole group, except Noya who looks like he just won some kind of award. Asahi is sitting by Noya’s bedside. His hand is gripping Noya’s so hard his knuckles are white and his head is down on the bed hidden from view. It looked like Asahi was shaking. Hinata, interested in the details and concerned for his friend goes to sit on the end of Noya’s cot.

“So how did it happen?” Hinata asks.

“I was in the woods when I heard this noise, like a wolf, or a dog scuffling and sniffing. So I looked around for a while but I couldn’t see anything. I figured since I’m not that tall it would be better to get into a tree and maybe I could see them. I was sitting in one of the branches and, well, at first I thought maybe I had just fallen ‘cause that happens sometimes. Then I saw a flash of teal as I fell and I knew someone had knocked me out. I landed funny and I knew I broke my leg cause damn, it hurt like hell to put any weight on it. Shimizu says based on the pain I got in my abdomen, that I probably cracked a rib too. It’s a good thing Ryu was out with me and I hadn’t wandered too far or I might have been there for the whole night!” 

“Wow,” Hinata said, “I’m glad you’re okay.” Asahi was giving Noya a look like he was going to scold him later, but Asahi was thankfully no longer quivering with his head laying on the mattress. Hinata always thought their relationship was a funny one, although Asahi was a big man, he seemed thrown off by things fairly easily and Noya, although being small was fairly resilient and hardheaded. 

                Hinata continued chatting with Noya, asking him questions about the other times he had injured himself while Kiyoko put his leg into a cast. Hinata asked why he was treating this whole situation like it wasn’t that big of a deal. All the while, Asahi’s face became more and more tense as Noya recounted all of his many, many incidents. Hinata hadn’t noticed, but while he was busy talking to Noya, Kageyama had left. Most everyone else was still there all almost as equally horrified as Asahi when hearing about all the various different ways Noya had almost died until Daichi, tired from standing there for quite a while and worried for Asahi’s mental health said,

“Come on, I’m sure Nishinoya needs his rest.” And he ushered everyone out of the infirmary giving Asahi a meaningful look on his way out the door. It wasn’t until then, that Hinata realized that Kageyama was gone. He figured he just must have gotten tired and gone back to their perch, but when he looked there was no one home. He searched around the entire camp and couldn’t find Kageyama. Until he went to the field where they practiced flying. There he found Kageyama sitting in the tall grass with his back to him looking up at the sky. Kageyama looked so vulnerable and at peace, Hinata had never seen him like that before and it felt wrong to interrupt, so he left. What was he going to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I hope you liked that, we both have some fun plans for the Holidays to surprise you all! (I'll give you a hint it involves more updating) I'm honestly so happy to be back writing Hinata he is so easy to write. He is (at least for me) a very straight forward thinker and it is a rather easy style to write. So much easier than Bokuto or Daichi... The song I listened to on repeat for this chapter is Fools by Lauren Aquilina. I cannot believe we have almost 2,000 hits on this fic, I must say I love you all and your comments give me life. Thank you for being such awesome readers. Gosh this was way to long, I'm gonna cut this off here. I'll see you all in the next chapter!
> 
> -GB


	9. It’s Perfectly Strange You Run in My Veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are realized. Warning some sexual content if you do not want to read this stop at the phrase "We can do it together.” and start reading again at, "Hinata lay on the bed, he wasn’t exactly sure what had happened yesterday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI the sex in this chapter is not particulalry graphic but it is there so if you don't like descriptive smut this is good for you, if you don't like any smut, just skip it and if you were expecting something really juicy, I'm sorry, I can't even write this mild stuff without feeling like I'm going to Hell sooo.... I hope you enjoy though!
> 
> -GB

               Noya being knocked out of the tree a few days ago had really shaken everyone up. The entire camp was on edge because of it. Now there was always the possibility of an attack on the camp or on them as individuals. All members of the murder were required to learn how to properly use a weapon and to carry one whenever leaving the safety of the camp. So, in the last couple days Hinata had taken up knife throwing with Shimizu. He was very proud of his shurikens and his progress in learning how to use them, he prided himself on being a fast learner.

            However, all that time to practice also meant a lot of time to think. Think about how he was feeling towards Kageyama and how he wanted to act on it. Hinata thought about how he almost told Kageyama his feelings and how he had thought that maybe, just maybe they might have been reciprocated. Now though, Hinata wasn’t so sure.

            Kageyama had become even more distant and angry than he usually was over the last couple of days. At first Hinata thought it might have had something to do with himself or the situation with Noya-san but now he was starting to think it was just the way Kageyama acted. Hinata could not understand how anyone could be so indifferent to the people who supported them and took care of them. Hinata was frustrated, and confused.

When Hinata woke up for his day of hunting duty he had kind of hoped the whole thing with Noya had been a dream and that Kageyama would be on the porch to glare at him some more like he used to and they would tease each other about something stupid. That was not the case though and when Hinata got up, Kageyama was still asleep in his room or not in the perch at all. This left Hinata feeling more on edge than he already had these last couple days.   

               To make it all worse, this hunting trip gave him a lot of time to himself to think and his confusion and frustration towards his and Kageyama’s whole situation had just been building. With recent events, he hadn’t been able to process his feelings for Kageyama and had been too worried about Noya-san, but now, it was finally hitting him. Hunting required a lot of silence, so although this meant that he caught a lot of squirrels, Hinata also caught a lot of undesirable thoughts as well.

            Hinata was getting more and more confused and frustrated the more time he had to think. There was really no real answer to the questions he was asking himself. The only person who could answer them was Kageyama and well, he was too angry with Kageyama at this point to even consider asking him. He spent most of the morning trying to avoid Kageyama and working excessively hard to not have to talk to him. Eventually, Hinata was forced to go back to his perch, clean up and get ready to help with dinner. The events that unfolded next was something neither of them were expecting.

 

                                                                                          ___________________________________________

 

            Hinata had been fairly consistent in visiting Noya-san in the infirmary and every time he offered for Kageyama to go with him, Kageyama had turned him down. Today was the time he wouldn’t put up with it anymore. Hinata was on his last nerve with Kageyama. The fact that Kageyama could not even be bothered, bothered to care about his family, the people like him. That was something Hinata couldn’t stand for despite his possible feelings. Hinata hated Kageyama. Well, Hinata had always kind of hated Kageyama but this was the last straw; this “indifference”, and Hinata decided to confront him about it.

“I was thinking about going to check up on Noya-san after I finish cleaning the squirrels I caught today, wanna come with me?” Hinata asked, hoping Kageyama would have some compassion for their injured comrade unlike the distance and lack of caring he had shown in the last couple days.

“No. I don’t want to go, I have other things I could be doing.”

“Why not Kageyama? Isn’t Noya-san important to you?”

“What does that matter? Me pining at his bedside won’t help him heal.”

“You are so insensitive. How can you say that about these people? Aren’t they your family?”

“It doesn’t matter; I don’t need a family.”

“How can you be so uncaring?”

“Because no one ever cares about me anyways so why should I bother?”

“Kageyama I won’t stand for this! This is something I will not budge on! How can you be so uncaring? I was thrown out of my house as a child! My parents called me a deformity, a mistake, a depravity! I never knew a family, and here you sit among the people who I spent my whole life searching for and you ignore them!” Hinata’s hands were balled into fists, his knuckles becoming white with anger. He could feel his face heating up and he was shaking with frustration. He was shouting at Kageyama now. What Kageyama had said was untrue. So many people at Karasuno cared about him.

“You think that my situation was somehow better than yours? My parents thought I was scum of the earth, as did everyone else in our  _privileged_ neighborhood. The big kid with white hair and all his buddies would hit me and kick me and throw me in the streets like I was garbage. Worst of all, after all of that I would go home to have my parents throw things at my head and beat me telling me I shouldn’t be alive! My life wasn’t all sunshine and happiness! I didn’t grow up surrounded by people who cared about me so excuse me for not wanting to care about others! People just hurt you in the end…” Kageyama’s voice trailed off at the end.

Hinata froze, processing the information.

“So you didn’t grow up in the Murder?”

“No dumbass, I grew up in the city where I was beaten for having wings.” Kageyama’s voice was full of bitterness and pain. Hinata ran forward and wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s waist. Kageyama hung his head low enough that his nose was buried in Hinata’s hair. The honey suckle that Hinata always smelled of was intoxicating.

“I didn’t know.” Hinata mumbled into Kageyama’s chest.

“I didn’t tell you. I never needed to tell you, I didn’t want you to pity me. But it’s true, I never had anyone care about me. I don’t really know how to care about anyone else.” Hinata’s head shot up and he looked Kageyama in the eyes, dead serious. “I care about you. I’ll teach you how to care about other people. We can do it together.” At that moment the burning heat in his throat and chest came back.  That weird feeling Kageyama had been having ever since he had first met Hinata. Suga had told him it wasn’t anything wrong with him but now it was so hot it was almost painful. His heart was hammering against his chest and he was sure Hinata could tell. He wanted to touch Hinata. He wanted to touch him everywhere. It was an urgent need. Kageyama wasn’t sure how much longer he could control it.

               He leaned down and pressed his forehead to Hinata’s forehead, Kageyama looked directly into those golden eyes. Hinata was looking right back at him. He couldn’t feel the burning in his chest anymore. It was everywhere and he was gone.

               His mouth was on Hinata’s and it was warm and soft and then it wasn’t. Hinata pushed back. Their teeth clicked together and Hinata’s tongue was in Kageyama’s mouth. He could feel Hinata’s teeth drag against his bottom lip. He started slowly moving them towards the bed. All the while they kissed and grabbed at each other’s clothes. His hand wove through Hinata’s curls and Hinata bit and pulled on his bottom lip. When they were finally close enough he pushed Hinata down onto the bed and crawled on top of him. This time it was his turn to taste Hinata.

               He ran his tongue along Hinata’s teeth. Their noses pressed up against each other’s cheeks. Hinata pulled at Kageyama’s shirt, undoing the laces in the back until it fell off. Hinata ran his hands along Kageyama’s abs and chest. He reached around and grabbed Kageyama’s shoulders. Pulling him so close he was almost touching Hinata. Hinata started touching his wings. Hinata’s fingers ran through his feathers gently pulling at them. His wings were sensitive as it was, but the stimulation was pushing it. That was all Kageyama could take. He leaned down and pulled off Hinata’s shirt.

            He started kissing everywhere. Down his neck, along his collar bones. Hinata shivered and his wings twitched. Then Kageyama bit him and Hinata moaned. The moan only encouraged Kageyama and he bit a deep mark into Hinata’s shoulder. There was blood but both of them were too busy to notice. Hinata started sucking a hickey onto Kageyama’s neck. Their wings were in a battle. Trying to wrap around each other. Both of them were oily with the oil their wings produced during sex. It smelled like honey suckle and pine trees. Both of their scents mixed together.

            Hinata left his hickey and pulled Kageyama’s head up and back toward his mouth, then bit his lip hard enough to cut it. They were marking each other, like all mates did. They wanted proof. Hinata belonged to Kageyama and Kageyama alone. Kageyama belonged to Hinata. Hinata pulled Kageyama’s hair. Kageyama could feel the burning in his abdomen and he was hard. He could feel Hinata’s erection against his leg. He pulled Hinata’s shorts off. His hands working up and down Hinata’s whole body. He wanted to touch everything, he wanted to memorize everything.

            It was Hinata’s turn to bite him more now. Hinata bit marks into his neck. He licked down his chest, stopping at his nipple and started licking and sucking it. Kageyama growled with pleasure. Kageyama retaliated by pressing onto Hinata’s wings and pulling at the feathers, disordering them. He pulled Hinata up so he was leaning against the headboard. He reached his hands behind Hinata, running his hands along his back and grabbing his ass. He massaged and dug his fingers into the muscles at the base of Hinata’s wings. His wings flapped violently with pleasure and Hinata cried out.

“Please Kageyama, stop teasing me.” Hinata shivered when Kageyama’s breath ghosted over his dick. Kageyama licked and kissed everywhere but where Hinata wanted him to most. Kageyama moved back up to his mouth and began kissing him again trying to leave a hickey on the corner of his mouth. The fabric of Kageyama’s short brushed Hinata and he twitched with desire.

“Please please…” Kageyama giggled, Hinata was a wreck. “Tobio please…” Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s dick and Hinata cried out. Hinata was not prepared. The almost-overstimulation was almost too much for him to take. Kageyama’s hands were big and rough from working outdoors. While one hand was on his cock the other was under his back playing with his wings. It was so hot in the room and their scents were intoxicating. Kageyama pumped Hinata and between the stimulation in his dick and the stimulation in his wings he came in a matter of seconds. His wings flicked open and closed violently and he shook with pleasure. Kageyama continued to kiss him. Hinata raked his nails along Kageyama’s back.

“Your turn.” Hinata said shimmying down and pulling Kageyama’s shorts off. He ran his hands over Kageyama’s legs and ass and kissed along his abdomen. Hinata stuck his tongue in Kageyama’s belly button and Kageyama moaned and twitched. Finally, Hinata put his mouth around Kageyama’s dick and teasingly licked and mouthed the head. His breath ghosted along Kageyama’s thighs. It took Kageyama everything he had not to buck into Hinata’s mouth, or to have his wings break the house. It was so hot. Hinata sucked and licked and touched and nibbled in all the right places. Kageyama fell apart under Hinata’s touch. Finally, when he came his wings pushed everything in the vicinity off its’ respective table or shelf.

               He collapsed onto Hinata in exhaustion, wings subconsciously wrapping around the small figure underneath him. He could feel that feeling again only this time it wasn’t burning passion to the point of pain, it was attachment. He felt extremely possessive. Hinata was his now. No one else could touch him. The urge to mark him was now almost as strong as the burning had been earlier. Hinata had passed out in a matter of moments and Kageyama was left looking down and lying beside the small bird wrapped in his wings. He kissed Hinata’s forehead with adoration. Hinata was all his now.

 

                                                                                                       ____________________________________

 

            Hinata lay on the bed, he wasn’t exactly sure what had happened yesterday. He wasn’t sure why they had done it or how it had happened. One thing was certain though, they were mated now. Even if they didn’t have blue wings yet Hinata could feel it. Marking was something that only mates did and Hinata had bite marks and hickeys all over him. Looking over at Kageyama he had hickeys everywhere too, and his lip was split from where Hinata had bit it. Kageyama wasn’t wearing his usual scowl. He looked so peaceful. A wave of protectiveness came over Hinata and Hinata leaned his head into Kageyama and placed a gentle kiss right in the middle of his chest. Kageyama’s wings subconsciously pulled Hinata closer. Hinata pulled his wings tighter to his back so to avoid even more feathers being dislodged.  He was close enough now that he could hear Kageyama’s heartbeat and feel his breathing.

              Kageyama’s room was a mess. Everything was on the floor in disarray. There where feathers all over things and Hinata was pretty sure that they hadn’t locked the door last night. Anyone could have walked in on them.

“Kageyama, wake up.” Kageyama grumbled and tried to move his wings which was impossible since Hinata was laying on one of them.

“Kageyama we need to clean this up and get down to help with breakfast or people will start looking for us.” Kageyama’s eyes finally opened slowly. When he finally figured out where he was he sat straight up quickly. Hinata didn’t really want to move. Kageyama was warm and smelled like the trees. Kageyama lay back down slowly, his wing aching from having Hinata lay on it.

“I, well…” Kageyama wondered if he should apologize for randomly acting on his feelings last night. Hinata didn’t seem to be bothered so should he even mention it?

“It’s fine Kageyama. I felt it too. To be honest I was kind of glad you made the first move. I was worried that if I tried to, you would freak out, so I didn’t… I guess we’re mated now though, haha… It will be interesting to see everyone’s reactions.”

“Do you think we should wait till after we molt to tell everyone? I mean I think it would be better not to tell everyone at first. Would it be okay if we just didn’t talk about it at all?”

“Whatever you want, Tobio.” Hinata whispered and then kissed his mouth. “First things first though, lets clean up this mess you made.”

                                                          

                                                                                                            ___________________________

 

[2 weeks later]

               Hinata was always slower with his feathers coming in ever since he forced that molt last winter. His skin always itched a little bit more than everyone else and he was always more tired and irritable. Kageyama’s feathers were already almost finished. He was only missing a few here and there. The fact that his wings were now tipped blue stirred whispers all throughout camp. Who could he possibly have mated with? Hinata could feel the talk behind his back and everyone’s impatience at how slow his feathers were.

               Hinata was surprised that nobody had noticed before Kageyama’s feathers came in. They always had weird hickeys and bruises or bite marks on their faces and ears and all over their arms. Noya had pointed it out one time but Kageyama had brushed it off as an accident. That had irritated Hinata. He loved all of the marks Kageyama left on him and if it were up to him he would be showing them off. Yamaguchi had no problem letting his mating marks show. He also felt a great deal of pride when Kageyama’s blue feathers had come in. He would always find himself stroking them during sex or staring at them when Kageyama wasn’t looking. They were the same color as his eyes and the blue feathers were softer and shinier than regular black feathers.

               When Hinata woke up with his first blue feather he jumped so high he hit the ceiling which woke up Kageyama.

“Dumbass you’ll wake up the whole camp if you keep making a racket like that!” Kageyama yelled, still irritable from molting

“Look Kageyama! Look! I got my first blue feather!” Kageyama pulled him onto the bed and let Hinata show him the delicate blue feather. Kageyama ran his fingers over it, eliciting a shiver from Hinata. Hinata looked at Kageyama with so much excitement and adoration that Kageyama couldn’t resist. He leaned in and kissed Hinata before pulling away to play with the little feather some more.

“Sure enough, I guess this means we have to tell everyone now?” Kageyama whispered. His voice was gruff from being tired and it was so sexy Hinata thought it should have been illegal. Hinata would have initiated something right there, but that would have been the fourth time that week that they were late for their respective jobs around camp. Then they would look even more suspicious than they already did.

“We don’t have to tell them anything if you don’t want to. Let them ask if they want to know.” Hinata said and then kissed him back.

“Come on we got to get up or Asahi will come looking for us again!” Hinata giggled and bounced off of the bed. They never slept separate anymore.

 

                                                                                                             _______________________________

 

            Suga was far more observant than either of them had originally thought. He pulled them aside right after dinner. Daichi awkwardly hovered behind him. Suga looked like a concerned mother and Daichi looked like a very confused father who was concerned but more afraid than anything.

“When did this happen between you two?” Suga asked.

“Two weeks ago.”

“Were you safe? I mean I am happy for you both; I think everyone saw this coming but I want you to be careful.”

“We didn’t do any of that yet and even if we did we would be very safe.” Kageyama said, looking at the ground. Hinata could just barely see the blush on his face. Hinata knew his own ears and cheeks were very red. Suga elbowed Daichi in the stomach.

“Yes, what Suga said. You need to be safe before anything else but also, congratulations.” Daichi said awkwardly and Hinata giggled. Suga hugged them both and then walked off towards their cabin, holding hands with Daichi.

“Well that went well.” Hinata said, relieved although he was never really that worried about Suga’s lecture in the first place. “C’mon I bet there is still something sweet left and I want some dessert!” Hinata pulled Kageyama back towards the food.

               The next few days as Hinata’s feathers continued to grow in, more questions were asked until everyone knew. Tsukishima would snicker at them and then Yamaguchi would burst out hysterically laughing sometimes. Other than that though, no one really treated them differently. Noya wanted to know if anything felt different. Hinata had explained the pride and adoration to some extent all the while Asahi looked at Noya with shining eyes. All the positive things were fine and dandy but Kageyama was afraid. They lived in such a fragile world where the people you loved were always at risk and he couldn’t protect Hinata from everything. What would happen to him if he couldn’t protect Hinata?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe all these updates? I can't. I must say for how hard I worked to write this chapter I feel very iffy about it, so I hope you all liked it. I can't even read through it without cringing so much. I feel so awkward writing smut but if you liked it please let me know. I need support for this because I honestly think it is awful. Anyways there will be another update soon. (Don't these frequent updates seem to good to be true?) I actually have most of the next few chapters already written so they should be coming out more consistently. I'm so sorry for such a long wait honestly life just hit me hard this year. So to make up for it I uploaded two chapters in one night (love me). 
> 
> The song that inspired this chapter's title is Wolves Without Teeth by Of Monsters and Men, although I'm not really sure if it fits the theme or feel of this particular chapter. However, the lyrics and tone do kind of translate well throughout the whole fic, at least for me, so you should definitely give it a listen. I thought this chapter was kind of a nice break from the incessant angst that penetrates this whole fic. There is still some but not as much so I hope it made you feel more festive and less depressed! Good grief my notes are long, I ramble way too much. Okay I am done now, bye bye. 
> 
> -GB


	10. Crash and Burn is All I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy Bokuakakuroken and mildly suggestive Kuroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka, Joyous Kwanzaa, or whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year! This is essentially a filler chapter (I'm sorry there is no plot development) and an excuse for me to write some mildly suggestive kuroken and bokuaka cuddles. This chapter is a little bit shorter because we wanted to have it up for Christmas and since it lacks plot it's difficult to write. But I hope this fluff makes your holidays a little bit better and is a nice break from the constant angst that is life (and this fic). Enjoy!
> 
> -GB

                Akaashi never felt better than when he was in contact with Bokuto. When they were apart he always had a layer of anxiety. When he woke up without Bokuto there, well that never led to anything good. He often felt like a burden on the group. Now that they all lived at Nekoma he was of no use as a healer and was generally not useful. Kuroo, Kenma and Bokuto would of course all disagree with him, but that wouldn’t stop him from thinking he was a waste of space. He would never understand why they all wanted him. _Stop Akashi, you shouldn’t think this right now… Enjoy this time you have with Bokuto. You don’t know how long it will last._ Akaashi focused on Bokuto’s steady breathing and the feeling of his strong hands gently stroking his wings. Akaashi nuzzled his head against Bokuto’s neck and smelling his boyfriends skin, it smells like clean air and home. Akaashi made a promise to himself right then, he wouldn’t be a burden anymore. He would work his hardest to be as helpful and aware as possible. He would be better…

                Bokuto could feel Akaashi over-thinking. Although Akaashi may not have known, but when he criticized himself internally his wings would quiver. Of course, it was very subtle and no one but a lover would notice. Bokuto worried about Akaashi, and Akaashi worried about him. It was a vicious cycle of fear and sadness because of what had happened with “the incident” but neither of them was strong enough yet to discuss it. So, they clung to each other for dear life and lived in denial. Bokuto, pushed himself into sitting position with a grunt, dragging Akaashi up with him.

                Bokuto ran his hands through Akaashi’s hair, feathers, and stroked his thumbs across Akaashi’s jaw and cheek bones. He brushed his fingertips across of Akaashi’s closed eyes and felt his delicate eyelashes. He traces Akaashi’s face so he could never forget it. He had gotten to a point where he could differentiate between his Akaashi, and the fake Akaashi that lied to him. His life had quieted down and with it so had the voices in his head. He had learned that anxiety and panic brought them out more. They were always there. Quietly whispering his faults and failings to him, but by now he decided not to listen to the inside of his head. Akaashi would be his conscience now. But if Akaashi was going to be his own conscience as well as Bokuto’s, that meant he would need to be taken care of and helped. And well, Akaashi just wouldn’t let that happen.

                Bokuto pulled his wings from under him and wrapped them around Akaashi. He kissed the top of his head and continued to run his fingers though the waves of Akaashi’s hair until Akaashi fell asleep. When his breathing became more even and gentle Bokuto leaned down and kissed Akaashi’s head whispering, “I love you, my conscience. I trust you with my life.”

                As Bokuto was about to fall asleep himself Kuroo and Kenma walked in. Bokuto put a finger to his lips indicating, quiet. Kenma crawled onto their cot under the wing Bokuto had covering Akaashi and used it as a blanket, pulling it up to his chin. Kuroo plopped down on the other side, threw an arm over Bokuto’s wing and therefore Kenma and Akaashi. Kuroo pressed his forehead up too Bokuto’s temple and very soon they all drifted off in each other’s arms.

                                                                        ________________________________________

 

                Kuroo woke up in Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment. Kenma sprawled across him and he himself practically smothering Bokuto. He felt slightly anxious and on edge today. His instincts were almost never wrong, but what could possibly happen? Despite the underlying anxiety, right now Kuroo felt oddly at peace. He was very happy with the current situation. He hadn’t really known the owls too well but after Bokuto, Akaashi and Konoha had shown up he felt closer to them. He had always liked Bokuto a lot, but when Kenma started getting along with Akaashi, well it wasn’t really surprising that they all became an item. Bokuto and Akaashi needed the support, and so did Kenma. The whole situation just felt right.

                Kuroo would have lay there longer if it weren’t for his stomach growling, and so he got up to go eat, leaving his lovers asleep in a pile. He would have gone back to check on Kenma more often during the day if he hadn’t been so god damn busy. Immediately after breakfast Inuoka pulls him aside because they need more rooms on the south end for some other refugees who came in from the city. Then its Yamamoto trying to plan for the next few weeks hunting trips. Then Lev is pestering him for fighting advice. By the time Kuroo gets a break it’s lunch and Kenma is nowhere to be found.

                The day considers in this pattern until evening after dinner. Kenma didn’t show up to dinner, but as the leader of Nekoma Kuroo couldn’t just disappear for the most important time of day, when all the announcements and introductions were made. He would just have to be patient. Kuroo was pretty good at patience most of the time, but not when he was worrying about Kenma. He hated when Kenma shut him out, which was something he had been doing a lot lately, even if he didn’t know he was doing it. Unfortunately, Kenma was not a person to be pressured into anything, no matter how much his closed off demeaner frustrated Kuroo. Kenma would talk about it when he was ready. That wouldn’t stop Kuroo from worrying though. Just as he was worried when he came into their room and saw Kenma scratching at his arms.

 

                                                                              ____________________________________

 

                Kenma was scared. Terrified, to be exact. He knew how co-dependent him and Kuroo were on each other, and that terrified him.  If they were to ever get in a fight, or if the other left and didn’t come back, what would happen? How would either of them handle that kind of situation? Kenma couldn’t survive without Kuroo. Not in the way that Kuroo protected him from physical threats, but that Kuroo also protected him from the mental threats too. Kuroo was one of the few things keeping Kenma in this god-forsaken world, and he had no idea how he’d survive if Kuroo left.

                Kenma knew he should stop thinking about it. He knew he should’ve stopped thinking about it when he sat up and started absentmindedly scratching his arms, and he knew he definitely should’ve stopped when his breathing only came in short gasps. He knew he should stop. But he didn’t know how. He knew he should wipe away the hot tears that had yet to stop falling from his cheeks, but he honestly didn’t know if he wanted to. His thoughts were passing too fast and his nails were digging into his skin too hard and the sun was shining too bright and Kenma had no fucking idea what to do. He knew he should go get Kuroo, but Kuroo was out doing something, and Kenma couldn’t bring himself to move out of their bed, much less leave their dorm. He shouldn’t bother Kuroo anyway. What if Kuroo didn’t come back? No, I’m not going to think that. He will come back. He will. He promised he would, he promised he would like every time he goes out. I trust him with my life, I can trust him with this. Just then, Kenma heard the door handle squeak as it turned, his breath immediately slowing when he saw his lifeline’s stupid beautiful hair walk through the door.

Kuroo found Kenma hiding in their room sitting on their bed. Kenma was crying and scratching at his arms.

“What are you doing in here?” Kuroo asked casually even though he knew.

“Kuroo that’s a stupid question, you know I don’t like people, especially when I’m feeling like this.”

“You like me okay.”

“You’re different.”

“Why?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not really, just curious.” Kuroo plopped down on the bed next to Kenma. He pressed his nose into Kenma’s hair, kissing his head. Kenma always smelled so good. Like lavender soap and coffee beans and the wind. Kenma looked up at Kuroo, his eyes glowed in the night time. Kuroo wiped the tears away and stared back at him. His eyes reflected the light so beautifully, they looked like little circular candles. Kuroo pressed their foreheads together and sighed. He missed this. It felt like they never had time for each other anymore. Everything was chaos and fear since Akaashi had shown up with Bokuto, a mess.  He missed Kenma, and he was struggling with how to help him.

“Maybe we can do something to take your mind off of it…” Kuroo whispered in Kenma’s ear.

                Kenma leaned closer until their cheeks brushed and kissed just under Kuroo’s jaw. Kuroo could feel Kenma’s eyelashes on his cheekbones. Kenma began leaving a trail of kisses down Kuroo’s jaw. Kuroo took Kenma’s face in his hands and kissed his mouth as he gently laid Kenma down climbed over him. They melted together. Kenma’s lips were warm and soft. Kuroo sucked at Kenma’s lower lip, silently begging him to open his mouth. Kenma complied and then there were tongues involved. Kuroo could feel Kenma’s tongue run across the roof of his mouth and slide past his own tongue as he slipped it into Kenma’s mouth. Kenma tugged at Kuroo’s shirt pulling at it until it was off. Kenma ran his hands down Kuroo’s chest. Licking and nipping at his collar bones and pressing his fingers into the skin on Kuroo’s back.

                Kuroo was jealous and anxious to do more. He pulled Kenma’s shirt off as well. It got caught on his ears an Kuroo laughed softly when Kenma’s ears twitched and shook in response. He leaned back in and pressed a kiss to the vein in Kenma’s neck. Kuroo could feel Kenma’s tail flick at his hips. Kuroo’s tail twitched in response and his slid his slips down Kenma’s chest licking and tasting him until he leaves a bite right below his collar bone and Kenma hissed. His sharp K-9s sinking into the flesh sure to leave a mark. Kenma bit a mark onto Kuroo’s neck and licked over it. He could just barely taste blood where his teeth had broken the skin.

                Kuroo slid his hands through Kenma’s hair and pulled gently on his ears. The silky fur tickled his fingers. Kenma ran his thumbs down the length of Kuroo’s jaw. Kuroo could feel Kenma’s heartbeat against his chest and the warmth of his breath grazing his throat. He reached under Kenma with one arm pulling him closer until their bodies were flush. Kenma rested his hands on Kuroo’s hips his fingers digging into the muscles there. Kuroo ran his left hand down Kenma’s side. Fingers bumping very slowly over each one of Kenma’s rips each time he took a deep breath. Kenma shivered at the slow, drawn out contact.

                Everything in the room felt warm. Kenma wanted to be closer to Kuroo. Kenma was always so cold and Kuroo was always so warm. It was one of the reasons they worked so well together. Kuroo’s touch left warm trails along Kenma’s skin and he felt goosebumps appear along his arms and shoulders.

                Kuroo straddled Kenma being very careful not to put too much weight on him. Now he could touch Kenma with both hands. He ran hands over Kenma’s shoulders and back first. He used his thumb and fingers to draw swirling designs across his back. Then he touched his chest tracing patterns everywhere. Kuroo leaned down and licked Kenma’s nipple and nipped around the edges of it. Kenma raked his fingernails across Kuroo’s shoulder blades in response and Kuroo hissed. Kuroo moved up and pulled at Kenma’s ears a little. Then he moved back up so he was just barely hovering out of reach of Kenma’s mouth. They were both breathing heavily now and were quite impatient.

                They feverously and passionately started kissing each other’s mouths. Kenma shivered underneath Kuroo and Kuroo groaned. They probably would have continued on further if Lev hadn’t burst open the door to their room. Both of their eyes shot across the room to look at Lev. The light coming in through the door making their pupils grown smaller and both their eyes were golden spheres of judgment. Lev cringed.

“So so sorry Kuroo-san.” Lev said looking at the ground, embarrassed but his tone was still serious. “But I was told to find you immediately. We just got a girl who came from Karasuno saying they need Yaku because… Well because there has been an attack.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for that cliffhanger but it is very important for the next chapter. Also did you catch some of my foreshadowing in this? I really love using foreshadowing. Its probably my favorite literary device. I will be posting another chapter on New Years, finally updating somewhat consistently it must be a miracle. Maya also wrote half of this chapter so we will both be answering the comments for this chapter. The song for the title of this is Blue Moon by Troye Sivan. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it really was a pleasure to write as Kuroo even if only for a brief time. He wasn't as difficult to write as I thought he would be. I'll see you all again on New Years. 
> 
> -GB


	11. A Thousand Silhouettes Dancing On My Chest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is an attack on a member of Karasuno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER! There is blood, injury and trauma so if that stuff bothers you don't read, this chapter. Happy New Years! We've been a little more consistent with updating so I hope you like that :)   
> Please enjoy this chapter! The next one will be up soon as I have already started working on it. 
> 
> -GB

_No no no no no. This cannot be happening. Not like this, not again. The first time was bad enough._ Kageyama was going to lose it. Hinata looked dead again. The first time he had stumbled into the camp starving and almost dead had been bad enough but this, this was so much worse. This time because Kageyama could have been there, Kageyama could have prevented it.

                Hinata’s tiny body lay on the table in the infirmary. There was bloody everywhere. Yachi and Kiyoko were working furiously over him. Tsukishima and Asahi were standing in the doorway of the infirmary holding Kageyama back. He struggled against their grasp. He needed to be in there with his small mate. He needed to be sure for himself that there was still a heartbeat, that there were little shallow breathes. He needed proof that Hinata wasn’t dead and his eyes weren’t deceiving him. There was so much blood, it was everywhere. It covered Hinata’s face. His hair was caked with it and it dripped down his nose. Hinata had been unconscious when Noya had brought him in, but he was awake now, and he was screaming.

                The shriek curled Kageyama’s blood and made his bones ache. And then Kageyama was screaming too, screaming at his friends to let him go. He needed to be in there right then, even if he would be an inconvenience. He broke free of the hold on him and ran in there. He didn’t care if he would make it more difficult for Kiyoko to work, he couldn’t leave his other half screaming and crying and alone. He flew towards Hinata and ran his hands through those matted, untamable orange curls.

“Shhh, shhhh Hinata I’m right here. Please, please, stop screaming.” Kageyama chocked out through his tears. He couldn’t stand this. How could he have let this happen? If Nishinoya hadn’t found them when he did Hinata would be… No. Kageyama would not let himself think that.

“Kageyama… Kageyama…” Hinata reached for him, he wasn’t screaming anymore put the pain was evident in his voice. “Kageyama I can’t see.” Hinata began shaking and crying. The pain was obvious, there were scrapes and gashes all over his body. He was trying to cough and he was coughing up blood.

“We should take him to Nekoma they have better equipment and Yaku-“

“No you can’t take him away from me.” Kageyama growled, not thinking very clearly. “If we need Yaku bring Yaku here.” Hinata cried out in pain again and Kageyama went back to kneeling next to him and running fingers through his hair.

“I’m right here Hinata, I’m not going to leave. You can’t leave either, remember you promised to teach me things.” Kageyama barely heard Kiyoko tell Yachi to go get Yaku. All Kageyama could think about was Hinata. At first glance the most obvious thing was the blood on his face but once got closer you could see that his whole body was shredded. Huge patches of feathers were missing from his wings and there were huge gashes across his chest and legs. His shoulders had bite marks and the skin on his arms was covered in scratches like he had been trying to fight back against his attacker. Kageyama just lay there with his head on the table holding Hinata’s hand as Hinata twitched and shook and cried. Kiyoko kept trying to clean the wounds but Hinata wouldn’t hold still, he was flailing and crying. Kageyama cried with him and tried to comfort him as much as possible.

“Kageyama you are going to have to hold him down so I can clean that wound on his face.” Kiyoko said sounding exasperated and exhausted.

                Kageyama didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do anything that would put Hinata in anymore pain than he already was in. He also didn’t want to have to see the wound in all it’s glory. As if Kiyoko could tell what he was thinking she said, “It will be better for him in the long run Kageyama, no infection and the sooner I see the damage the sooner I can try and repair it. I can’t hold him still without Yachi here.” Kageyama forced himself up off of his knees and let go of Hinata’s hand. He placed his hands on either side of Hinata’s head to hold him still.

                Kiyoko worked to clean the wound, first wiping mud and blood off it and then pouring alcohol over it to sanitize it. The way Hinata flailed and cried when Kiyoko pour the alcohol over the cut ripped through Kageyama’s chest and sent a shiver down his spine.

“Shh Hinata, its okay, please, please hold still, please…” Kageyama didn’t even notice the tears dripping down his cheeks as he tried to comfort his other half.

                 Finally, the wound had been cleaned and Kiyoko stitched it up. She put a bandage over it and Kageyama would have been glad if he could never see the cut ever again. It was a permanent reminder of how he had failed. Failed to protect the one he loved.

It wasn’t as bad as all the blood had made it look. It was still horrible though, like someone had clawed his face. Eventually Hinata fell back asleep, his breaths were shallow and it sounded like every breath was work. About 20 minutes later Yaku showed up and Kiyoko began frantically explaining everything to him. Yaku stepped closer to Hinata and an involuntary hiss left Kageyama’s throat.

“Kageyama I am going to need to move Hinata and look at his chest. I need you to step away for a moment.” Kageyama must have looked really scary for Yaku to even need to ask that. Kageyama moved away from Hinata though, quickly running his fingers through his hair one more time. Yachi gently guided him out of the infirmary and let him sit outside. Now that he knew Hinata wasn’t dying he felt a little bit better but the shock and guilt was still there. He should have been there to protect Hinata, he shouldn’t have had to see his mate like that, bloodied and screaming.

                Kageyama didn’t know how long he sat there or how long he had been in the infirmary, but it was sunset now. Thoughts of guilt and fear and anger wracked his brain. He could see Daichi’s silhouette against the red sky. He didn’t want to talk right now. He didn’t want the comfort. Kageyama just wanted to wallow in self-pity. That didn’t stop Daichi from sitting down next to him though.

“I know how you feel.” Daichi said. All Kageyama could do was look at him. How could Daichi possibly know how he felt?

“A couple years ago, before you, or a lot of the younger crows came around there was an…” He paused as if he couldn’t decide whether or not he should say it. “Well there was an accident and well uh, Suga got hurt.” He scratched the back of his head. “It wasn’t my fault and I know that, but it still feels like it is, and I still feel guilty.”

“It is my fault though.” Kageyama whispered. “I shouldn’t have left him alone outside of camp. I should have been there with him.” Kageyama couldn’t hold it in anymore, he was crying. Daichi pulled him up off the ground and wrapped his arms around Kageyama.

“It should have been me. I should have been hurt not Hinata. I should have been able to stop it. It’s all my fault…” He sobbed into Daichi’s neck.

“It’s not your fault. Never will be. You didn’t attack him did you? No, then it’s not your fault.” Daichi whispered to him.

“Ah-hem.” Yaku coughed behind them to get their attention. Kageyama quickly pulled himself together.

“So he has a few broken ribs on his right side and cuts and bruises everywhere. I told Kiyoko how to manage the ribs but I already repositioned them so that they won’t damage any organs. He should recover fine from that. There was no punctured lung like we had thought, although one of the ribs was putting pressure on his lung and making it more uncomfortable for him to breath but it should be better now. It seems the blood in his mouth had come from him biting his tongue in pain. The worst thing is probably the cuts along his face. A lot of them are deep and one goes directly across his right eye. It is most likely that he will never be able to see out of that eye ever again. There is another cut that came dangerously close to his other eye but it doesn’t seem to have damaged it and isn’t as deep as the others. It will definitely take him a while to be able to see with any decency again so be patient. His wings should recover from the scratching just fine, there may be some scar tissue but nothing permanently damaging. Nothing else was major or life threatening.”

                Kageyama could relax a little bit, but only a little bit. Thankfully Hinata wasn’t going to die. He didn’t damage his wings or his organs, but his eyes. Kageyama tried not to think too hard about it.

“Go to him.” Daichi whispered, “I’ll finish up with Yaku.” And with that Kageyama practically sprinted back into the infirmary. Kiyoko was cleaning up and Hinata was laying on a cot now, almost motionless. His breathing was shallow and it sounded like he was in a great deal of pain.

“I’ll bring you some food from dinner, I presume you want to stay here with him.” Kiyoko said softly and then left. Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s hand, pressed his forehead to the little hand and cried.

“Please…” The voice was nothing more than a whisper. “Please don’t cry Kageyama.” Hinata reached with his other hand and touched Kageyama’s head his fingers trailing down his cheek and wiping up the tears. He pulled Kageyama’s ear until their faces were right next to each other and Hinata could feel Kageyama’s breath on his face.

“Please kiss me.” Hinata said. “Please, it will make it hurt less.” Kageyama didn’t know where to even try. Everything was covered in cuts but he would, because Hinata asked him to. He leaned in and touched his mouth to the corner of Hinata’s as a tear fell down both of their cheeks.

 

______________________________

 

                When Hinata woke up everything was fuzzy. He couldn’t remember what had happened. All he knew was that he woke up and he couldn’t see. His wings thrashed and he panicked.

“Hinata, Hinata, Hinata! Please you are going to hurt yourself.” Hinata stilled, he could hear Kageyama’s voice and it was getting closer. Kageyama touched the tip of Hinata’s wing and slowly moved his hand till it was at Hinata’s arm. Kageyama pressed his face into Hinata’s hair and Hinata started to cry.

                Everything was coming back to him now, the mad dog and then the pain. The dog attacked his face and then he couldn’t see and it was hot and wet and it hurt. He could feel something scratching him all over and biting him. Then he got kicked, he heard his ribs snap. He bit his tongue to keep from screaming. Then Noya was there carrying him somewhere. He passed out while Noya was carrying him. He remembered waking up and hearing Kiyoko and Yachi working over him. It hurt and he still couldn’t see. He remembers hearing screaming, his own screaming, then Kageyama’s screaming. Then he remembers Kageyama’s hands in his hair, then the cuts by his eyes burning, more screaming. Then Kageyama was gone and Yaku was there pushing on his chest. More screaming, more crying. He passed out and woke up a lot in-between those events. Then Kageyama was back then Kageyama kissed him. Then Hinata passed out again and now here he was, crying and blind with Kageyama breathing into his hair. He could feel Kageyama’s tears falling into his hair.

“What’s going to happen to me?” Hinata asked shakily.

“You’ll probably be blind in your right eye forever. You should be able to adjust with your left one though…” Kageyama paused. “I’m sorry… I should have been there with you. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“Don’t say that.” Hinata said pulling Kageyama’s face down in front of his own. “I’ll be okay and that’s all that matters. You couldn’t have done much anyways and then you would have been hurt too and that’s not worth it to me.” There was silence. “Come lay next to me please. I want to be able to feel you near me.” Hinata whispered weakly and Kageyama lay next to him, Kag’s wings sliding over him and keeping him warm as he drifted off.

 

___________________________________

 

                Hinata remembers the first time he had to stay in the infirmary for a long time. Of course, the first time had been different in several ways. One, Kageyama had not been following him around the first time and two, the first time, Hinata did not have to stumble around the infirmary blind. Thankfully he wasn’t completely blind, just in one eye, but since he had never been blind in one eye before it was still quite a challenge. His peripheral vision was awful, as was his depth perception and he continuously ran into things, tripped over things, bumped into people and knocked things over.

                For the first couple days, his left eye had been covered by a bandage as there was a cut that had landed pretty close to it. The cuts near his left eye were close enough that it was easier for them to just bandage over the whole eye. The days where the was a bandage over both eyes Hinata simply lay in bed and Kageyama stayed next to him. Occasionally Kageyama would leave to get him clean clothes or food but he would always come right back. Kageyama rarely left Hinata’s side for more than a few minutes at a time in the first couple days. They did everything together now. Hinata could rarely do anything for himself.

                By the first week Kiyoko had taken the bandage off of his left eye, for a few days his vision was a little bit blurry because his working eye kept trying to sync up with the other one, which couldn’t happen because his right eye was non-functional now. But at least he could kind of see out of one eye now. Every day, at least once a day, they would do eye exercises to strengthen and practice with his left eye. Hinata got frustrated with his lack of depth perception quickly. He often worried about how much harder to fly it would be with his vision impairment. He stressed about it for a day or two but Kageyama kept him distracted a lot of this time.

                Kageyama would always stand nearby whenever Kiyoko would clean Hinata’s wounds. He thought he was good at hiding his anxiety and guilt but Hinata could almost feel it radiating off him. At night Hinata could feel Kageyama’s wings twitching and quivering over him while Kageyama cried or had nightmares. Kageyama thought he was hiding his anxiety, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. Hinata was really worried about him and Hinata didn’t know what he could do about it. No matter what he said he couldn’t convince Kageyama to talk to him so that they could work it out. He spent the few minutes when Kageyama was away from him trying to figure out how to convince Kageyama to talk to him. It wasn’t until Suga visited him that he finally understood what was going on.

“Hinata!” Suga said coming into the curtained off area of the infirmary. Kageyama was sitting at the end of Hinata’s cot looking at Suga anxiously. “Kageyama, Daichi said he needed to talk to you about some of the plans for visiting Nekoma. He wants you there as soon as possible. I can sit with Hinata while you talk to him. I think Hinata and I have plenty of things we can talk about.”

                Kageyama looked anxiously as Suga, then at the door, then at Hinata. Finally, after he took a moment to think about it he stood up, kissed Hinata’s forehead gently and whispered, “I’ll be back soon.” Before disappearing out of the infirmary. After Kageyama left, Suga marched over to sit on the end of Hinata’s cot.

“Did you just say all that to get rid of Kageyama?” Hinata asked.

“A little bit yes. It is true that Daichi needs to talk to him about the Nekoma visit but it isn’t as urgent as I made it seem.”

“How can I help him Suga? He’s acting so distant; how can I get through to him?”

“Hinata, you are fairly new to being mated and you haven’t really had enough time to cultivate your bond with Kageyama or figure out what being mated really entitles. This is a rather tragic event to happen in the first couple months of you two being together.”

“But why is he acting so spooked by what happened? If anyone should be spooked by it, it’s me. I am the one who got hurt after all.”

“Yes, that seems the most logical things, but you have to remember, you are Kageyama’s other half, and crows mate for life. If anything happened to you, Kageyama would never be able to live his life fully again. And, since you are in that kind of situation he we always feel responsible and guilty for any harm that comes to you because it is his job to protect you over his own life. Try to look at it from his perspective.”

“I guess I can understand that, but I’m not dead or dying so he shouldn’t be so worried.”

“Hinata, this is the second time something like this has happened to you. I’m pretty sure Kageyama has some kind of PTSD although he would never admit it. Kageyama was pretty anxious about you after you stumbled into camp starving and half dead, of course you couldn’t witness that. But he was distressed for almost the whole time you were in the infirmary, he didn’t start to relax again until he started teaching you to fly. I’m sure he blames his anxiety the first time on his confusion about the mating call but a big part of it was just concern for you. He felt the connection to you even then.

“He has had a lot more time to become attached to you, than you have had to become attached to him. Be patient with him and always, always remind him that what happened is not his fault. That is your job, because he will never believe it coming from someone else.” Suga got up and headed towards the door of the infirmary. “Oh and take care of yourself, for both his and your sakes.” And with that Suga got up and left just as Kageyama came back in. “Goodbye Kageyama, I’ll see you later.” Suga said pleasantly.

                Kageyama stood in the doorway for a while watching Suga go. Then he turned back to Hinata and gave him a somewhat puzzled look.

“Kageyama,” Hinata said quietly beckoning him towards the cot where Hinata was still laying.

“Yes love?” Kageyama said going to lay down next to Hinata.

“Do you really blame yourself for what happened to me? Because you shouldn’t.” Hinata said snuggling into Kageyama’s side.

“I should have been there to protect you, I should have been there…” Kageyama said turning his gaze away forgetting that Hinata could no longer see anything on that side of him.

“You should not have been there. Think about how unbearable it is to see me injured and know that I would feel the same way, if not worse, if it were you who had gotten hurt as well. Never blame yourself for this.”

“But-“

“No, Kageyama, I’m putting my foot down on this. You are not allowed to blame yourself every time I do something stupid and hurt myself. I can’t bear to see you work yourself up over this. I’m alive and okay, and that’s all that matters.”

“But you’re not okay…” Kageyama mumbles. Hinata pulls Kageyama’s face towards him and has his single golden eyes staring intently into Kageyama’s dark blue ones.

“I am perfectly okay. I just had a little addition to my clumsiness, which was already pretty prominent before now anyways. I am okay, and it is not your fault.” Hinata leaned in and kissed him and the pulled Kag’s wing over him like a blanket and fell asleep.

 

_____________________________________

 

                Kageyama had been much less anxious since Hinata had directly called out exactly what Kageyama had been thinking. Kageyama had hated it but Hinata, for the most part, was right and he could not waste time wallowing in self-pity. Instead, Kageyama threw himself into helping Hinata recover. He did everything he possibly could to speed up the recover process. He helped remove stitches and apply salves and bandages so they wouldn’t have to keep bothering Kiyoko or Yachi. Kageyama felt an internal stab of pain every time he saw Hinata’s wounds but he was getting better about the guilt.

                They moved back into their perch after almost two weeks in the infirmary. It was pretty easy to see that as much as Yachi and Kiyoko loved them, they didn’t want them there all the time. There wasn’t much to move back into their perch as nothing really had come with them to the infirmary. Kageyama moved everything because Hinata still had the worst depth perception ever and frequently dropped, or ran into, or tripped over things, or sometimes did all those things at once. Hinata had become used to his partial blindness for the most part. His hearing, especially on his right side was becoming slowly and slowly stronger. He was much less reliant on his site now that he could hear so much more and so much better than he could see.

                His blind spot still made him anxious though. He hated having anyone except Kageyama in it. His displays of aggression became more frequent because he would hiss and growl at anyone who stood to close to him on his right side. He felt bad about it a lot but no one had called him out on it and he frequently apologized for it. Noya was frequently the victim of this aggression because he often forgot about Hinata’s blindness and would unintentionally sneak up on him. Kageyama had taken up the habit of holding Hinata’s right hand so that no one but Kageyama could stand in Hinata’s blind-spot. Hinata still often worried about how he was going to fly, especially up to their perch.

“Kageyama, you have to go slower.” Hinata said clinging on to Kageyama’s hand for dear life holding out his and trying not to run into any trees as Kageyama essentially dragged him through the forest.

“Oh of course, sorry.” Kageyama slowed down and walked patiently with Hinata gently guiding him until he stopped underneath their perch. Hinata spread his wings out like he was about to take off when Kageyama asked, “What are you doing?”

“Flying up to our perch obviously.”

“No way.” Kageyama said shaking his head and holding Hinata’s hand a little tighter.

“Why not?” Hinata said, incredulous.

“Because you’ll open up the stitches on the cuts on your wings and you still can’t see very well. I don’t want you to hit something and hurt yourself more.”

“Well then how and I supposed to get up there?”

“I’m going to carry you obviously.” And with that statement Kageyama scooped up Hinata bridal style and flew them both up to the porch of their perch. Once they landed Kageyama set Hinata down gently.

“Well I could get used to that.” Hinata said and then stood up on his tippy toes to kiss Kageyama.

“Good you should get used to it because until you can see a bit better it’s going to be happening a lot.” Kageyama said and then took Hinata’s hand and led them into their room.

 

_______________________________

 

                After the second week Hinata was already a lot better and could manage walking without running into too many trees. He would often walk with Kageyama to their field. Hinata liked the field best because there were minimal trees to run into, his peripheral vision and depth perception were still pretty awful, he still ran into things quite frequently, although not as badly as 2 weeks ago.

“Remember when you taught me to fly here?” Hinata mumbled almost to himself.

“Yes, you were awful, at first.” Kageyama laughs.

“And you were mean, Bakageyama.” Hinata teases.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Haven’t had a need to, at least in a while. You haven’t been too stupid.”

“Hey!” Kageyama says gently tackling Hinata and tickling him lightly where he knows there aren’t any bruises. Hinata end up in fits of laughter and they are both rolling in the grass playfully.

“Kageyama, do you think I’ll still be able to fly?” Hinata says quietly after they stop laughing.  “With my vision the way it is, I mean. I’ve been worried about it a lot. I’m afraid I’ll crash right out of the sky.”

“I know you’ll be able to fly again and besides, even if you did start to crash I would always catch you. If you want, we can practice flying again here, where there are no trees after you heal up some more, I don’t want you to accidentally rip out your stitches.”

“Yeah, I would like that.”

“We can figure out the ways to make it the easiest for you. You can touch my wing or something and I’ll always fly on your right side so no one except me is ever in your blind spot.”

“Thank you Tobio. What would I do without you?” Hinata says and leans in straddling Kageyama for a kiss and misses by a few inches and hits his chin instead. “Ha ha ha, damn eye, man I really wish I still had two eyes sometimes. Kissing you was never this hard before.” Hinata says in a joking matter; but he doesn’t miss the pang of sadness in Kageyama’s eyes when he says it and the hesitation to laugh at the joke.

“Come on Tobio, let’s go back home.” Hinata says dragging Kageyama to his feet. “I need to rest up if we’re going to fly again soon and I want to. I miss the wind in my hair, the cold air and the exhilaration. I need to fly.”

 

_____________________________________

 

                It had been 3 weeks since Hinata had been attacked. Most of the scratches and cuts had scabbed over. For the most part his wings had heeled up as well. It was almost like nothing had changed except that he had a bandage covering his right eye almost all the time. He didn’t really need the bandage anymore but he still wore it. Every time Kageyama saw it he wanted to murder the person who did this to his Hinata. The guilt had subsided some. It helped that every morning Hinata told him that he felt fine and it wasn’t Kageyama’s fault. Today was the day though. Hinata had finally agreed to take the bandage off.

                Kageyama stood in the corner of the infirmary while Kiyoko fidgeted around and Hinata talked to Yachi.

“Okay Hinata, I’m going to take it off now.” Kiyoko said warily. “It will feel cold and a little funny for a while. The stiches should come out relatively easily. If you have a hard time seeing them, myself or Yachi can do it.”

“Nah it’s okay Kageyama helped before I’m sure he’ll help again.” Kiyoko shot Kageyama a somewhat concerned and confused look. Kageyama nodded. Kiyoko pulled the bandage off. A huge scar trailed down Hinata’s face and across his eye. The eye had a slightly cloudy look and there was a deeper scar across the iris itself. The scar was pale blue where as Hinata’s eyes were brown or golden although the color had become diluted due to the damage the eye had received.

“Okay well that’s it right?” Hinata asked

“That’s it.”

“Well then, thanks Kiyoko, we’ll see you around.” He dragged Kageyama back to their cabin. Other than being clumsier than usual and having a slight lack of peripheral vision on his right side Hinata could see just fine now. He pulled them through the door of their perch.

“Touch it.” Hinata said. “Touch the scar. It is proof that I’m still here and that even wolves can’t take me away from you.” Hinata boasted quietly. Kageyama hesitated, a pained look on his face. “Please Kageyama, for me, just touch it.” Kageyama reached out and touched it and Hinata sighed.

“See? Not so horrible?” Hinata said. “Now come on we have a while before we have to be down for dinner and honestly I am so down for a nap. All that flying earlier today has worn me out. I want you to hold me. I like your wings.” And with that Hinata plopped them down onto the mattress and curled into Kageyama’s chest and promptly fell asleep leaving Kageyama looking at the scarred face of his lover and wanting nothing more than revenge for everything they had done to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this chapter. I know it's really horrible, at least for me because I love Hinata. So I've been meaning to do this for a while, but if you haven't already seen them you should definitely check out @craziiwolf (same on all social media) because their artwork looks a lot like how I envision this fic. Their blind AU is also what inspired this chapter but I obviously needed some one else to get hurt to push the plot along. We started this fic before they started posting their wing AU but now that they have posted stuff about that it's almost impossible for me to imagine the characters wings any differently. So huge shout out to them for basically drawing exactly what we were thinking when Maya and I came up with this.
> 
> I added another chapter to the plan a week ago so this will now be a 28 chapter fic (I have a feeling it might get longer the closer we get to the end and the details start getting hammered out). If you liked or cried because of this chapter please leave a comment about it. Comments are honestly so inspiring. It's proof that someone is there reading and we're not just writing for no one. Even if it's just one word saying crying it really makes the difference between it taking 3 months for a chapter of 3 days. Thanks to everyone who does read and comment I cannot believe this fic is as popular as it is, you're all wonderful.   
> -GB


	12. In See-Through Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A recount of Hinata's injury from the view of another member of the camp. Another look at Oikawa's plans and people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Another chapter? We're not dead? Shocking I know, but we are not dead. I would like to apologize for the sheer lack of content involving both this fic and the overall series. I have had some of the worst writers block I've had in years and I just this week managed to pull myself out of it (you can thank Bungo Stray Dogs believe it or not). So here is a new chapter, enjoy friends!
> 
> -GB

                Tsukishima had been on guard when it happened. He hadn’t been paying all that much attention. He had been on guard with Noya-san. Of course, Noya-san always had superior hearing and instincts compared to Tsukishima and Noya-san was always so restless. So, it wasn’t all that surprising when he disappeared from his post saying he, “heard a noise.” Tsukishima had come to expect it by now. What Tsukishima had not expected was for Noya to come back carrying very bloody Hinata.

“Help me carry him Tsukishima, he’s too heavy for me to get all the way to the infirmary.” Noya said, panicked. Tsukishima picked up the kid and carried him on foot to the infirmary. He wasn’t confident enough in his flying to fly with him. Noya ran behind him. To get to the infirmary on foot they had to run through the middle of the camp. They ran past Asahi first and then Tanaka.

“What happened?” Asahi asked.

“I found him in the woods like that. I’m pretty sure he was attacked. I think I saw the same people who tried to push me out of that tree.”

“Noya, this is not the time for an in-detail explanation of what you think happened. Find Daichi, and someone go tell Kageyama what has happened, I’m sure he’ll want to be here. Asahi, can you fly him to the infirmary, I don’t trust my flying enough and he doesn’t look good.” Tsukishima said quickly but coolly.

                Asahi gently pulled Hinata into his arms and took off. Noya went running off back to camp and so did Tanaka. Tsukki took off towards the infirmary. He was thinking about Kageyama, he didn’t really like him at all, but he couldn’t image how horrible it would feel if his mate were injured like that. If anything were to happen to Yamaguchi, well Kei didn’t know what he would do. And worst of all, since neither Tanaka, or Noya were mated they could never understand the gravity of the whole thing. They probably would have told the whole camp before they even remembered to tell Kageyama. Losing a mate would be worse than death. Tsukishima landed in front of the infirmary in time to see an unconscious Hinata being examined by a frantic Yachi and an anxious Kiyoko. Asahi had just made it back to the door when Kageyama showed up. He gave one look at their anxious faces and then bolted for the door. Asahi and Tsukishima grabbed him before he could make it inside.

“Kageyama you shouldn’t go in there. Let Yachi and Kiyoko help him first.” Asahi said.

“You’ll just be in the way Kageyama, and besides, you don’t want to see it all up close. Trust me.” Tsukishima said.

“Let me go. Let me go be with him.” Kageyama growled and struggled against their grasp.

“No, just wait,” Tsukishima grunted. He thought that maybe he and Asahi could have held him back, until Hinata started screaming. It was an awful sound, painful to hear. You could hear the agony in his scream. Then Kageyama was yelling.

“Let me go now, _let me go!_ ” and there was no stopping him and neither of them really wanted to after that. He rushed in there to be with his mate. Tsukishima and Asahi left. Tsukishima went home to his perch. He needed to be near Yamaguchi, just as proof that he was okay. That they were okay and nothing like that could happen to them now.

“Yama, are you here?” Tsukki said when walking through the door.

“Yeah! I’m in the dining room Tsukki!” He called. Tsukki walked quickly through the house and the walked up to Yamaguchi.

“Hey-“ Tsukki hugged him from behind. “Eh, what’s wrong?”

“Hinata got attacked today.” Tsukki mumbled into Yamaguchi’s shoulder

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure, it’s just set me on edge. Kageyama was a mess, a horrible mess. Got me thinking about what a mess I would be if anything happened to you.”

“Well nothing is going to happen to me. Honestly I’m more worried about you with all your self-destructive tendencies and what not.” Yama said turning around to give Tsukki a real hug.

“I feel like this is the start of something big.” Tsukki said anxiously and nuzzled into Yamaguchi’s hair.

 

_____________________________

 

                Daichi had been at his perch with Suga and was just about to go ask Asahi what time dinner was going to be ready when Noya came bolting up next to him. Noya was out of breath, which never happened, and he looked panicked. As he got closer Daichi could tell there was blood all over him.

“Noya, what happened?” Daichi asked

“Hinata, he-, he got attacked. I found him in the woods. It looks really bad. Asahi and Tsukishima took him to the infirmary.” Noya said panting

“Did someone tell Kageyama?” Daichi said, concerned that if Kageyama wasn’t there should Hinata not make it… No, he was going to make it.

“Yeah Tanaka is getting him right now.”

“What happened out there? Did you see?”

“Yeah, I saw a little bit before I intervened. They backed off pretty quick when they saw me come out of the trees. It’s pretty obvious that they don’t want to get caught. I’m almost positive they were the same people that pushed me out of the tree. There was a canine with them, you know one of the shifters, that were supposedly killed off. I would have chased them but, well, Hinata was in a state and well you know my legs still not fully healed so I am not really supposed to be super active.”

“Did you see how many there were?” Daichi began the true interrogation just as Asahi showed up.

“Noya, are you okay?” Asahi asked

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Your leg still isn’t healed you shouldn’t be doing things like that.”

“Asahi your worrying too much, I’ve had worse injuries and did things far more dangerous afterwards. I’m a fast healer and you’re a worry wort.”

“You never take care of yourself Noya, I’m just trying to be proactive here. I don’t want you to get really badly hurt…” Asahi said wringing his hands.

“It’s okay, I’m fine. How’s Hinata?”

“Not the best, but I think Kageyama might be worse. You should have seen the state of him. Tsukishima and I were trying to help him but he seems to have gone off of the deep end from what I could tell. Hinata isn’t so hot either, it’s bad enough that Kiyoko told Yachi to go get Yaku. She even tried to take him to Nekoma but Kageyama was having none of it. Although it makes more sense to take Hinata there, I think Kageyama is just too far gone to make any kind of reasonable decisions.”

“I better go talk to him…” Daichi mumbled to himself.

“Well Asahi, don’t you still have to make dinner? We still have to eat, right?” Noya said, trying to hurry Asahi along so he could finish his conversation with Daichi.

“Ah, yes, I just wanted to be sure you were okay. I’ll go do that now.” Asahi leapt into the air towards the kitchen.

“Back to business then. Noya, why do you think they attacked?” Daichi asked.

“I don’t know Daichi… It seems too strategic and frequent to be random. They seem to be trying to pick us off, or frighten us.”

“Hmm yes, that sounds about right, they are waiting till one of us is alone before attacking and you said that they ran off when you showed up which could mean they are hiding their identity or they are small in numbers, could be both. I will give everyone a rundown on the attacks and Hinata at dinner tonight; and since I’m doing that, I better head over to the infirmary to check in on Hinata and Kageyama. Thank you Noya, I don’t know where we would be without you.”

“No problem Daichi, see you around.” And with that Noya headed off.

                Daichi was about to head to the infirmary when he realized he forgot to ask Asahi about dinner, the whole reason he came out in the first place. _Ah damn, guess I’ll stop by the kitchen before I go to the infirmary, Kageyama probably still needs some space as well. And Kiyoko definitely doesn’t need me in there to be in the way. Might as well talk to Asahi for a while._ Daichi thought about the situation of his camp while he walked. He rarely flew anymore, just didn’t seem necessary when he could walk most places. He thought about his murder, and the state his family would be in if there really was an attack on them. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t even want to acknowledge the possibility.

                He didn’t know if they could handle a full-blown attack the way they were right now. Not many of them were skilled fighters and there were so few crows left. If they didn’t have help from Fukurodani and Nekoma, there was no way that they could withstand an attack from the city. They would be wiped out, like they almost were before. _Stop, you don’t need to think about that right now, so far, it’s only a few small attacks nothing major. Stop comparing it to before. This isn’t the same thing. We will be okay._ Daichi managed to calm himself down by the time he reached the kitchen.

                He could smell baking bread and meat cooking. It smelled wonderful, Asahi always was the best cook. Daichi often wondered if he had the choice, if he would have been a chef. Not that crows were offered options like that. When he went into the kitchen he expected to find Asahi masterfully putting together everyone’s shared dinner. Instead what he found was a trembling Asahi who was staring blankly at a pot on the stove.

“Asahi, are you alright?”

“Ah Daichi, I’m sorry, lost in thought I guess. Ha ha…”

“I know you better than that Asahi, what are you fretting about?”

“It’s just all a little too familiar, isn’t it? The attacks and the fear they bring back.”

“Yeah I was thinking the same thing on the way over here.”

“I was thinking about mates too…” Asahi said looking at the ground, blushing all the way to his hairline.

“Noya.” Daichi said, matter-of-a-factly.

“That obvious?” Asahi said glancing up to look Daichi in the eyes.

“You’d honestly have to be blind to see it.”

“Apparently Noya is blind then, cause he doesn’t even know I exist.”

“You don’t give him enough credit Asahi, he knows, he’s just waiting for you to make the move. He knows how flighty and anxious you are, he’s treading carefully. Have some guts my friend.”

“You think so?”

“Asahi, I know so, and so does everyone else. We all also know you’re a coward.”

“You’re right, I am. I am afraid to be someone’s other half because I know that if I lose them I won’t be able to handle it. I’ll lose myself too. I’m selfish.”

“That is really selfish and unfair to Noya, you’re not only denying yourself but also him. But I can’t make you do anything no matter how much I disagree with it. I can only advise you. I trust you’ll do the right thing though Asahi, you always do. It just takes you a while to make your mind up.” Dachi said patting him on the shoulder.

“I’m just so afraid and with everything that’s been happening lately…”

“Hey, no one said you have to do it today, wait for things to die down if you want to. It’ll be okay, Asahi, don’t freak yourself out over it.”

“You’re right. How are you with everything that’s been happening?”

“Not too great… It’s bringing up painful memories for everyone. But now we’re really off topic, I came to ask when dinner is going to be done.”

“Ah yes, it should be done around eight. A little bit later than usually but today’s been an eventful day.”

“Yeah it really has…” Daichi said with a deep sigh. “I better go and check on Kageyama, I’m sure he’s tearing himself apart after this. Don’t want him to lose himself, see you tonight, Asahi.” And with that Daichi slipped out of the kitchen leaving Asahi to his work and began the trip to the infirmary.

                It had been long enough that most of the work that needed to be done with Hinata would be finished and if it was anything more serious they would kick Kageyama out. And that is where Daichi found Kageyama, outside the infirmary, silently crying in the grass. He looked so small, like a child, almost like he did when the murder had found him. He looked up at Daichi with a murderous glare, but Daichi sat down next to him in spite of it.

“I know how you feel.” Daichi said, trying to console Kageyama without letting his own painful memories resurface.

“A couple years ago, before you, or a lot of the younger crows came around there was an…” He paused as if he couldn’t decide whether or not he should say it. “Well there was an accident and well uh, Suga got hurt.” He scratched the back of his head. “It wasn’t my fault and I know that, but it still feels like it is, and I still feel guilty.”

“It is my fault though.” Kageyama whispered. “I shouldn’t have left him alone outside of camp. I should have been there with him.” And then Kageyama was sobbing, the kind of sobbing that hurt to listen to and you could hear the person’s pain in. Daichi wrapped his arms around Kageyama as if he could hold all his broken pieces together and keep him from falling apart.

“It should have been me. I should have been hurt not Hinata. I should have been able to stop it. It’s all my fault…” He mumbled as he sobbed into Daichi’s neck.

“It’s not your fault. Never will be. You didn’t attack him did you? No? Then it’s not your fault.” Daichi assured him. Yaku coughed to get their attention and Kageyama hastily pulled away, wiping his tears from his face. Yaku explained the severity of the situation while Kageyama looked anxiously at the door.

“Go to him. I’ll finish up with Yaku.” Daichi urged and Kageyama bolted into the infirmary.

“What’s going on Daichi?” Yaku asked concerned. “Kiyoko told me that Noya was attacked not long ago too.”

“We don’t know. Something is happening though, I think we should move the Nekoma visit up. Let’s say three weeks from now, just to give everyone enough time to heal. With everything going on I don’t feel comfortable leaving anyone at camp.”

“I understand, I’ll let Kuroo know.” Yaku turned to leave, but then looked back and said, “Daichi, look out for Kageyama, I think this might do more damage to him than Hinata. He growled at me earlier, just, make sure that he doesn’t end up in his own head to much. No one at Nekoma wants to see anything happen to him.”

“I’ll keep him in check, and yeah you’re right, at this point I’m more worried about him than Hinata. He’s not near so resilient as his other half.” Daichi said. Yaku gave him a severe nod and then turned to leave camp.

 

                                                         ______________________________________

 

                By the time dinner rolled around Tsukki had rationalized the situation in his head enough that he was no longer being super clingy and domestic. He was still stuck to Yamaguchi’s side though. He refused to be more than a few inches away from him. Never again would they be separated for long. Tsukki, despite having calmed himself down was trying to understand what was going on with all these attacks. His most logical conclusion was that they were being targeted for some reason. All his fears were confirmed at dinner when Daichi called them all together to discuss the issue and their upcoming meeting with Nekoma.

“As you all probably know by now, Hinata was attacked today. From what Kiyoko has said, he will be okay. However, there is a problem, we believe he was attacked by the same people who attacked Noya a little while ago, and that we are being targeted. Therefore, it is extremely important, now more than ever, that we are extremely careful. As a precaution at least go out in pairs but preferably with groups of three. Always stay armed and ready, and don’t go too far from camp.

“I know you are all nervous… but, well, to be honest, I’m not sure what there is to do about this. So, for right now, we’re going to be careful. And the visit to Nekoma has been moved up. We will be visiting them in around three weeks, or when Hinata has recovered enough to travel. We can’t do anything right now, but we will be proactive and protect ourselves, we will not be the target of these attacks for much longer.”

                Daichi sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than anyone at the table. His voice shook and after eating everyone left somberly. Dinner had been odd without Hinata’s fiery energy. Especially somber because the reason for his absence was his injury. Kageyama, who could darken a room by walking in, would have been a ray of sunshine at that dinner. As Tsukki walked away from the fire pit he stood closer to Yamaguchi than was necessary. Their arms and wings brushed and it brought Tsukki some much needed comfort. If Yams noticed, he didn’t say anything and Tsukki was grateful for it.

                It took a while for Yams to fall asleep. He lay his head on Tsukki’s chest, his hair tickling Tsukki’s nose. Tsukki was too thoughtful to fall asleep. He was thinking about how in the span of 24 hours his whole world view could change, again. Yamaguchi was always pulling things into perspective for him, but today, today it wasn’t just about Yamaguchi. It was about him, and being selfish and how love is inherently selfish.

                Tsukki thought about his life and how, despite the fear of attack and possible death he was still okay. It wouldn’t be the last shitty situation he would be in but it wasn’t the worst eitther. It was just part of being a crow. He was more concerned for Yamaguchi than himself. He was thinking about what he would do if Yams were in danger, probably sacrifice himself. Of course, Yams would never let him hear the end of it if he ever heard Tsukki say that out loud. It didn’t stop Tsukki from thinking it though. He vowed to himself that he would never allow himself to become like Kageyama had today, he would rather die first.

 

                The camp spent the next few weeks in a state of relative numbness. They all went about their business, did chores kept up with all the work but it was like the sunshine had disappeared even though it was springtime. Kiyoko for the first couple days rarely left the infirmary. She hovered over Hinata constantly worrying about his rib and his eye becoming infected. Kageyama wasn’t seen at all. In fact, if it weren’t for Kiyoko’s occasional appearances it would have seemed like Kageyama and Hinata had never existed at all. Tsukki thought it felt just like when he and Yamaguchi had first showed up together. Somber and serious. Tsukki didn’t know much about his adopted family. Yamaguchi had been with them much longer than Tsukishima. Tsukishima Kei had his own tragic past that, while still tragic was probably sunshine and rainbows compared to everyone else at Karasuno.

                He watched the events at camp unfold with some sense of detachment. Unlike most of them, he had a home to go back to if he was really desperate, there were things he could do if this place was destroyed. Of course, Yamaguchi would try to stop him from going back home but being completely honest, Tsukki would do anything to keep Yams safe from himself and his pride. Tsukki did love Karasuno though. Despite his detached demeanor he loved all of his adopted family very dearly. Especially Daichi and Suga, he admired them very much. Though it was never openly discussed he figured that they had had their fair share of struggles yet they still managed to be supportive to all their crows and put their friends and family before their own needs. Tsukki figured that there was also some deeper trauma that they both refused to talk about and when he overheard them on his way to the creek for a bath his theory was confirmed.

“Daichi, I am so scared. It’s happening again.” Suga said, his voice shaking and barely more than a whisper.

“Suga, we are ready this time. It won’t be like in the city. We are on our territory, if it’s even the militia at all. It could just be some renegades acting on their own. We shouldn’t panic.” Daichi said roughly.

“But Daichi, what if we can’t protect them. I can’t lose them. I can’t. I’ll never forgive myself if Yamaguchi and Yachi get hurt. They are like my children Daichi, they are children…” Suga trailed off. Tsukki could hear the tears in his voice and he snuck closer so he could see. Daichi wrapped his arms around Suga’s shaking form, as if her were trying to keep him from breaking apart. Suga clung to Daichi like he needed him to breathe. Daichi pulled away and put his hands on Suga’s shoulders.

“We will not lose them. They will be safe. We will always protect each other and Nekoma will help us, and I’m sure Fukurodani will help as well. We are not alone like we were before. There are more of us than last time and I will never, never let anything happen to any of us, never again.” Daichi said with a firm whisper and then places a gentle kiss on Suga’s forehead.

“C’mon, we best get back, or they’ll notice we’re missing.” Daichi said as he took Suga’s hand and pulled him off of the ground. Tsukki was left wondering what they were talking about. What had happened before? And why was Suga so afraid?

 

                                                ----------------------------------------------------------------

 

                After the first week or so Hinata started coming out of the infirmary. It was easy to tell that he was bored stiff and that he had won some kind of fight about it with Kageyama because Kageyama pouted even more than usual whenever they were out. Of course, Tsukki had paid a respective visit to them earlier on, and had quickly left, he couldn’t be around Kageyama like that very long. The pain and guilt radiating off of Kageyama was tangible.

                The first week that Hinata was out of the infirmary he was exceptionally jumpy do to his lack of vision. He hissed a lot and was easily startled. Everyone made an attempt to be extremely cautious around him so as not to frighten him. Kageyama, would also hiss every time Hinata was frightened. However, Kageyama’s hiss was a lot angrier and everyone made a point to be extremely careful after he almost growled at Noya one time.  Noya, didn’t really be more careful though despite Kageyama’s warning growl. Noya was still as obnoxious and energetic as ever. He spent a lot of time with Hinata since they were both grounded at the moment.

                One specific incident though was the cause of Kageyama’s even more extreme clinginess. Noya didn’t know how to tread carefully, literally or figuratively. It was because of this that Kageyama, who was already obsessively clingy now wouldn’t let Hinata more than an inch or two away from him. Tsukki had been eating lunch at the fire pit when it all happened.

“Hinata, look don’t tell Asahi, but I’ve been learning to land on one leg so I can fly even with my broken leg. Wanna see?” Noya said, practically bouncing on his crutches.

“Yes! Yes! Show me!”

“Watch and learn kouhai!” Noya said and leapt off of the ground using his good leg, hovered for a few minutes and then tried to land. However, when he landed he lost his balance and fell on Hinata, who was injured but not nearly enough that a small person such as Noya falling on him could actually further hurt him. Both of the boys were laughing and thought it was all in good fun. This didn’t matter to Kageyama though, for when he found Hinata one the ground with Noya on top of him he was furious. Tsukki thought that he was going to catch on fire he was steaming so much.

“Hinata, you need to learn to be more careful!” Kageyama fumed.

“Nothing was happening Kageyama it was a harmless accident. I’m fine, you need to stop being such a worry wort!”

“Not until you learn to be more careful with yourself, you’re still healing!”

“It’s my body Kageyama I know what I need and don’t need, and I feel fine.” Hinata huffed. All the laughing and yelling had tired him out, and despite saying he was fine he looked exhausted and Kageyama could tell.

“Please Kageyama, it was fine. Let’s just go back.” Hinata said desperately.

“Of course, of course. I’m sorry…” Kageyama said gently pulling Hinata into his arms and pressing his nose into Hinata’s curly hair. It was such an intimate thing Tsukishima had to look away. Only mates were that genuinely sickeningly in love like that and while Tsukki himself was mated, he couldn’t watch it with others. Being around Kageyama right now was difficult as well. Kageyama’s willingness to give Hinata whatever he wanted was annoying. But he empathized with Kageyama, and he would have reacted the same if it had been Yamaguchi. Tsukki looked away before he could see the tears fall down Kageyama’s cheeks and into Hinata’s hair. It was all too intimate and too frightening.

 

                                                                --------------------------------------------------

 

                After that, Hinata’s healing passed without incident and by the fourth week he was having dinner with the rest of the camp. It was at Hinata’s third dinner back, when they were all together, Daichi decided to bring up the Nekoma visit and how now that they were almost ready to travel, they should start preparing.

“We should start packing up some things and I should send someone ahead to warn Kuroo that we are coming. Tanaka?” Daichi said, already up to his ears in his own plans.

“Wait, what is Nekoma?” Hinata asked

“They’re the cat people.” Kageyama said matter-of-a-factly.

“Uwaah! We’re going to visit them?” Hinata said almost jumping straight into the air.

“You’re not, we don’t usually all go.” Kageyama said.

“Actually Kageyama, in light of the recent attacks, I think it is better if we all go.” Kageyama was clearly very shocked but said no more about it for the rest of the meal. It wasn’t until after everyone was finished that he decided to approach Daichi with his thoughts.

“Daichi, I know it’s a risk to leave people here but, I don’t think Hinata should go to Nekoma.” Kageyama said.

“And why is that?” Daichi said.

“Because for one, he isn’t physically strong enough stamina wise to fly that far and, I am not sure how well he would do in that environment. It’s loud, there are a lot of people, people that will ask lots of questions. I just think it’s kind of a lot so soon after…” Kageyama trailed off.

“I know Kageyama, you’re worried but I promise, despite some of the initial strain I think Nekoma will be a good place for him to be. Yaku already knows him and it’s far safer there than it ever will be here. And I wasn’t planning on flying the whole way, I was going to bring the pony along and pull the wagon. Suga, doesn’t like to fly anyway, so if you’re that worried about Hinata’s stamina he can ride in the cart. It will be good for him Kageyama.”

“Okay,” Kageyama said admitting defeat. “I’ll talk to you later Daichi, I don’t like to leave him alone…”

“I know, he should be ready to travel by the end of the week, right?” Daichi asked.

“Yeah. He’s been having me reteach him how to fly, now that his vision is impaired.” Kageyama winced on the words ‘impaired vision’. “He should be okay enough for short distances by the end of the week.” Kageyama said and then walked quickly back to where Hinata was mingling with the others by the fire.

                Kageyama wasn’t ready to go back to Nekoma, and he surely wasn’t ready to bring Hinata there. As much as he loved Nekoma for taking care of him before he came to Karasuno, they were not the easiest people to be around, and Kuroo especially would be nosey towards the fact that Kageyama had a mate now. He would want to know all the details like an annoying older brother asking about how his baby bro first got laid. It would be A. particularly embarrassing and B. extremely difficult to discuss in light of recent events.

                Kageyama was also extremely afraid for Hinata. He didn’t want him to have to talk about the accident and people were sure to ask since the attack was the whole reason they were going early. But, if Kageyama was being honest with himself, it was entirely selfish, his reasons for not wanting to go. He didn’t want to have to hear a recount of the attack, he didn’t want to have to share Hinata and he certainly didn’t want to have to talk about his recent mating.

“Tobio, what are you fretting about?” Hinata said very quietly taking Kageyama’s hand. “Is it the visit? It’ll be okay you know. I’m tough, you don’t have to worry.”

“I know, I’m not really worried about how tough you are, I know you can handle it.” But what he didn’t say aloud was, _I’m just not so sure about me._

                                                                ------------------------------------------------------

 

“What do you mean you didn’t kill them!? That was all I sent you to do!” Oikawa shouted at Yahaba who’s head was bent in submission.

“Sir, allow me to go with them next time, maybe it will be more successful.” Kindaichi said from behind Oikawa.

“No!” Oikawa said. “It’s time to try something different.” The tone in his voice and the look in his eyes said it all.

“But sir-“ Yahaba said, his head snapping up.

“No buts, this is what we have to do. It’s the only way we can get rid of this menace…” He trailed off.

Kindaichi and Kunimi looked at each other with hard eyes. This was really happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I would like to apologize again. I hope the next chapter will be out sooner. I would like to thank all the people who actually read this insanely long fic, leave comments, bookmark it, all that jazz, you are the reason I am inspired to write. Comments honestly mean so much. I love hearing opinions and feedback and critique of my stuff. You can also leave as many comments you like complaining about how we never update because we honestly deserve it. I have finished a lot of the next chapter already, so it shouldn't take four months to finish (I say warily). The chapter title is from the song Crystals by Of Monsters and Men (yes I know every chapter title is from their songs but I love them okay?) I hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> -GB


	13. UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick update on the status of this fic

Hey guys, sorry for not posting for ages. We both got super busy (I'm applying to college this year, Maya has lots of writing classes) and we're struggling to update with the lack of content within the fandom. So when the new season starts up again, we'll probably spam with updates, but until then this fic is on hold. We will not abandon it! Life just got super hectic and we want to be consistent with chapter length and quality instead of rushing to get chapters done just for the sake of getting chapters done. Maya is going to be posting a series of drabbles on this account so it will no longer be dead. I might also post one-shots if I find time, but they probably won't be Haikyuu based, but the account won't be dead anymore. 

I hope this update cleared some things up, and explained the long absence. We will see you all around!

 

-GB


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